Instead of looking at them as "mistakes".... look at them as "lessons" or "experiences".

Spill them beans. Spill'em early and often. Confidence and authenticity are a lot more endearing than transactional maneuvering.

If timing matters, then you don't have the relationship yet. When you have a relationship worth keeping then timing won't matter.

I take them to the lonely clearing in the woods and show them the shallow graves.

It depends on how you feel. I share more with some and less with others. I share more with those I like more.

Yes. Next time just say "none of your business" and if the questions are creepy, add the adjective "damned."

Things are frequently most intense in the beginning. That includes questions.

It is possible that had you waited, the person would be upset that you were dishonest or not forthcoming, and the result could have been worse.

There is also a good chance that timing would not have mattered and this person is just not for you. That said, a gut spill is rarely the way to go, especially at the beginning. Spoon feed the weirdest and worst about yourself.

This is quite difficult if you, like me, can be triggered from these past accounts. If you really like the person it’s probably best that you will talk about your past when you are feeling up to it. That probing questions can take you to places that you don’t mentally want to go sometimes. I know sometimes my partner has asked me questions and then slept like a baby while I’m up all night analysing the past again, we had to talk about that.
Unfortunately it’s a learning curve and i think we’re all different. All the best.

Hello,

I am really sorry about how you are feeling. As someone who has done lots and serious past mistakes, I could give you a piece of advice that worked for me.

Love, needs to be unconditional and accepting. The person that will choose to be with you, needs to heal you, mend you, and vise versa. They won't be able to do it if they don't really know you.

There is nothing in the world like the feeling of revealing to someone your ugly side and be accepted and be loved for who you are. You feel invisible.

For me that's a place and time thing I have no idea the response until that place and time exists.

Boundaries. Build some. If you've been abused in the past then your boundaries were smashed and you may need to talk out what are reasonable boundaries with a girl friend or professional. It's okay to say you've had problems in a particular area when you've built a bit of trust but it's a different thing to go into it in detail. That requires the development of a lot more trust.

The flipside is that if the guy doesn't ask, the woman assumes the guy does not care. Our past is what makes us who we are today. So....I think you should know going back into the dating world to be somewhat prepared.
Somewhat prepared? Yes, I don't think all of this has to or can be answered in one big gush. You will continue to sort these things out. And continually re-frame your answers to unexpected questions. There are a lot of good answers here from the previous posters. They are all over the place.....And I agree with just about every one of them.

This is a tough one, what to reveal and when is so difficult and depends on what they have revealed to you what you have in common. I think your opening paragraph is good especially about wanting to build healthy relationships. You have been clear that there are things in your past that might make this difficult but your aim is a healthy relationship and you understand that you are going to have to work at it.

Has the guy contacted you since or have you reached out to him? Maybe tell him you think you may have unloaded too much on him at once. Not knowing him and how he reacted makes it harder.

I wish you the best of luck and hope once he has time to understand he will be there.

I've been in the exact same position and I've tried to be truthful and have learned the hard way that's not the best policy. People tend to shy away from people they think are damaged goods. I have medical issues that prevent me from doing some things I like to do and that other people like to do. Every time I try to explain to someone they need to be patient with me it's pretty much over. I agree with the previous comment that you need to wait until the person has gained your trust, but I think it has to go further than that. It's more than just trust. You have to be sure that they know you and love you well enough to deal with whatever it is you tell them and support you. I'm pretty sure no one would ask you a direct question about your abuse but if they do you need to come up with a way to deflect it. Something like "the only thing that's important is our relationship." Perhaps an agreement that each of you'll pretend you never had relationships before and it's all brand new. Assuming you have a handle on your past and don't let it affect your current relationships you shouldn't have a problem. When you're sure that you have a solid relationship with this person and they know you and you know what kind of person they are, then it's okay to tell them because they will support you.

Your past is YOUR business.
Unless it's something that has a real chance of effecting their life in a real way, it's not their business, and you are under NO obligation to tell them anything.
Whatever you choose to divulge is your call.
How and when is also your call.

Never allow anyone to pressure you into revealing anything before you decide whether you even want to tell them.
You do not OWE anyone an explanation of your past mistakes.

Further, that "what's your number?" question is absolute bullshit. The ONLY answer to that is "none of your damned business".
Anyone who asks that and insists on an answer should be jettisoned posthaste.

Some people ask questions about your past and use your answers against you later on.
You owe no one anything.

Unless it is public knowledge, why bother!!!

Seems everyone has failed in one form or another!!!

After all life is experimental is it not!!!

Success is built upon the failure of others!!!

Why expose what has made you who you are or are not!!!

LOL!!!

Spilling the beans is not a good idea. People say different but usually they want to use this to control you, and in cases where they cannot control you they use it against you. My youngest daughter has a live in who wants to be on her house note. He also wonders about cars at the neighbors house while he has cameras inside her house watching her. He claims that both of them should tell each other everything and wants to argue about the past or maybe 2 years ago. WTF? If you are angry in the present the anger most likely comes from the present. Do not be fooled.

I remember in Texas when myself and a woman became an item and she told me "now I need to know everyone you have had sex with." No, you don't. It is none of your business. You and I go about as far as when we entered each other's lives. Nothing before, and if you last as a couple maybe you can talk about many good things later.

Just looking at this from the other side. I do consider a person's past to an extent, particularly on relationships because people exhibit patterns of behavior and those patterns will certainly repeat themselves over time. The comment somewhere here about a person "using past mistakes against you" if you open up has a point. That can happen and probably will if you've not actually dealt with issues and certain behaviors and or attitudes and that comes out during stressors in the relationship.

Unless you have really dealt with whatever issues you've developed and feel you're in a good place emotionally, I'd be sparse with my back ground until something comes up. You just don't know what could be triggers until they're pulled, lol.
And the person asking you, remember, they have a past too. Couples tend to make their own values in a relationship based on how you interact with each other and how you affect each other.

Take things slow. If that person bails out, they were not the right person for you. Good luck.

Have you had the opportunity to meet him in person? I think that if you haven't , it is not good idea to answer questions related to your past life. Give yourself the opportunity to meet him in person and the time and his attitude, actions will tell you if it is worth sharing your past with him.
Keep calm and maybe you will find the person who will come into your life to put a touch of peace and sweetness. Your safety comes first and beware of scammers.

The time to share would be different for each person you meet. But...your story won't scare-off the right person. I encourage you to keep up with therapy, to help find the fine line between not enough and too much as each situation to disclose arises.

The past belongs in the past. Of course, it helped shape who you are today, but it doesn’t define who you are today.

I know I’m a totally different person than I was when I too was experiencing my “colorful past.” That person is a stranger to me.

So, no, there’s no reason to “spill the beans” to anyone to satisfy their curiosity. No one needs to know every single secret from your past. They need to accept who you are today or move the heck on.

I think a more relevant question would be "Why would you reveal past mistakes to new romantic interests".

Unless your past mistakes rise to the level of imprisonment, you don't need to be "that" honest about past mistakes...

One cannot establish a truly close relationship without revealing our real selves. As we come to trust and care for a person, we begin to trust and then begin to make ourselves vulnerable by revealing more, including our mistakes.

Keep it general, not all the details are relevant because you are different today. You can open the closet door but not everything in there needs to be revealed. Your past can be talked about but every "sin" need not be detailed.If someone pushes you for every detail they are just being a voyeur and probably will use the revelations to control you in the future.