A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" Well, it says you're not wearing any panties. The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

Haha, as long as the language doesn't get too vulgar, I like it. A member posted this joke a while back and here I'm copying and pasting:

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.”

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”

The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Guy walks into a bar..and asks the bartender for a jack and coke..the bartender smiles..and places a shiny apple in front of him.."WTF is that" the guy yelled..The bartender smiles and says..." trust me try it" ...so the guy bites into the apple.." holy shit it tastes like jack daniels" "turn it around turn it around" the bartender preached ...so the guy turned the apple around and bit into it and what do you know it tasted like coke...so the guys happy eating his apple..the bartender comes over again and asks " can I get ya anything else" the guy replied " a screw driver" so the bartender went in the back and came back with another apple..." what the hell is with these apples buddy" the guy said..." trust me try it" the bartender replied with a smile. As the guy bit into his 2nd apple he couldn't believe it..this apple tasted like vodka..."turn it around" the bartender screamed..so the guy did..." Omg it tastes like Orange juice...." so like 30 minutes passes by and the guy waves the bartender over..." hey buddy what a have" the guy said " come a little closer...and whispered " do you have anything that tastes like pussy" the bartender smiled a wicked smile..and places a third shiny apple on the bar...the guy grabs it quickly and bites into it " ugggg disgusting " as he spitted out the apple..."that tastes like shit" "turn it around turn it around" the bartender replies....lmao...

During the past several months, George had been noticing a change in his wife, Alice. Whenever he had the chance, he would follow her, but it was doing no good and he was taking too much time off from work.

One evening about three weeks later he got off work early and hurried home. He came home to an empty house. He was sure she was having an affair and his anger boiled over. He took his revolver out of the closet, checked to make sure it was loaded, then marched off to their favorite bar.

George entered the darkened bar, waving his pistol frantically in the air.

"Where's Alice?" he bellowed. "I know she's been sleeping around and when I find the rotten sonofabitch, I'm gonna kill 'im. So, anybody here know who it is?"

A small voice from out of the dark said, "You're gonna need more ammo, George."

Two guys sitting in a bar. A beautiful woman walks in and the first guy says, "That's a '8' in my book." The second guy says, "Yea, I'd give her a '3'." The first guy, of course, is surprised by this comment. Well, to cut the story short, after several absolutely gorgeous women have entered and similar conversations have followed, the first guy turns to the second and asks him, "What kind of a scale are you using to judge these women?" The second guy turns to the first and says, "The Clydesdale scale. How many Clydesdales would it take to pull my head from between her legs."

A man is at his doctor for a check up. The doctor says, "hmmm, you're going to have to stop masturbating." The man says, "Why is that, doctor?" The doctor says, "I'm trying to give you a check up,"

A funny joke thats dirty is okay. I'm 74, walked into a bar in New Orleans. Before long a lovely young lady sat down and we struck up a conversation. By my third drink I was telling her about the seventh heaven that my talent, and tongue, could send her to. We quickly retired to her room, and I will tell you , she was magnificent. Later....we're laying on the bed, she's stroking my forehead with a feather. My darling I asked, what are you doing? Well, she said, comparatively speaking, you ole bastard, I'm beating your brains out.

Joke heads-up: it's a little gross.

So this dude, who is married to a real control freak, is invited out with his friends to do some bar-hopping, maybe go to a strip club, etc... He explains how his wife would NEVER let him out of the house to go drinking.

So one of his friends says "Just tell her we're going bowling!".

"Ah" he says... "That'll work!"

They spend an evening drinking way too much, and he ends up vomiting on his shirt.

"OH NO!" he exclaims - "My wife is going to kill me!"

"Nah" his friend replies - "Put $5 in your shirt pocket and explain that a drunk at the bowling alley got sick on you, and gave you 5 bucks for dry cleaning."

He makes it home, and sure enough his wife is standing there at the door, and asks "Why do you smell like vomit?"

He takes out some bills from his shirt pocket and explains about the drunk tossing his cookies on him; "This $5 is for dry cleaning, he felt really bad." he explains.

"Well then, what's the $10 for?"

He thinks for a sec, and mumbles... "Oh, that's from the guy who shit in my pants!"

Well, I've been trying to post a dirty joke about Jesus having a giant vagina due to all the full grown adults who are born again all the time but it keeps getting denied by the site moderators.

Lame! I think it's funny so fuck everybody else lol.

"Dirty" often translates to "politically incorrect." I'm gay but I can appreciate a good fag joke. Same with racial minorities, women, etc. If I hear something funny, I laugh! It seems silly to suppress a gut reaction by filtering it through a litmus test. Here's one a straight friend once told me that I still can't help but find funny: Q: "What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?" A: "Nothing. You already told her twice!"

Do you know why women have nipples? To make suckers out of men

I have to say as I matured, dirty jokes did become far more entertaining. It's all a matter of context and if it' actually funny or not really.

only if they are really funny and not just dirty

I can't do better than Anthony Jeselnik, so here's the clip:

[cc.com]

Lol of course! You got to have fun sometime in life! Ha ha ha!

I love them, I just can never remember them.

did you know the very first contraceptive was invented in the middle east out of the lower intestine of a goat?
they just never killed the goat first.

I love offensive humour. People are far too sensitive now and have lost their ability to laugh at themselves. "It's all a game and nobody gets out alive" George Carlin.

Check out the history of dirty jokes. Today we would probably say l don't get it.

Yes I love dirty jokes!

Here is one

Three guys are sitting in the hot tub, enjoying beers, talking. All of a sudden, a chunk of semen floats to the surface. Everyone looks at each other, and one says
"Not cool! Who farted?"

This is an old one so maybe some of the younger group haven’t heard it. It is one for the ladies.
A couple were in their room on their wedding night. The husband removed his shoes and socks. The new wife looked at his feet and was surprised; his toes were all bent and misshapen. He told her it was tolio and she said “you mean polio”. He said “no tolio, don’t ask”. Then he took off his pants and she gasped; his knees were swollen knobby. She said “tolio?” he said “no kneesles”. She said “you mean measles” he said “no kneesles, don’t ask”. Then he took off his shorts and again she gasped and said “don’t tell me, smallcox!”

whats green and smells of pork?
kermits nob

Good topic. For now, I got nuthin...