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My goodbye email to Dave, 72. Was I clear? We didn't meet.

I have been very patient with you on the phone.

Has anyone told you that you overtalk? You rambled so long about acupuncture for your back, I didn't dare ask how you hurt your back. I didn't want to hear another long story about your back pain.

Then there was your extended complaining about how airline flights are not as fun and nice as when you were a teenager. You sounded like a grumpy old fart.

"What age did you develop asthma?" I asked. "Age 40" would have sufficed. Instead you rambled on-and-on about coughing and tightness in your chest, how it was discovered, discussions with doctors, and even your morning asthma medicine routine. "First I do this, then this..."

When I said I'm having oral surgery, did I tell the tooth history? No. That would be boring.

Also, you seem to have reduced me to my feet, breasts and butt. "I want to see your breasts," you said. "You look like a B. I want to see that your breasts aren't hanging to your pants pockets." Before that, you wanted to see my feet. And my butt. Stop it.

This is sexual objectification: seeing women as an object for men's sexual pleasure. I can't stand it. The more you talk, the more disenchanted I become.

I'm not willing to put up with it. Good luck with your search.

LiterateHiker 9 Nov 14
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26 comments

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11

JFC, what an ass!

You have dodged yet another bullet, my dear.

I have to thank you for posting these stories. It seems like every time I start to consider "well, maybe...",
you post about a brush with a cretin.
I'm reminded of my failures and disappointments in dating and relationships, and I return to my senses.

For me, you're doing a serious public service, and I thank you.

@KKGator

Thanks, sweetie.

Loved writing, "You sounded like a grumpy old fart." Still laughing.

@LiterateHiker
And I love pretending to be a grumpy old fart. One of those ones that sneak up and shout at the public in general. They can be funny, or they can make the person responsible look like the orifice that produced said flatus.

10

Wow. First he bowls you over with details of his lack of fitness, then he has the audacity to have demands about your breasts? I wonder how far his hang?

I hope he takes the opportunity you're giving him to learn and grow as a person.

Lauren Level 8 Nov 14, 2021

@Lauren

Thanks. I hope he learns from it.

@The Two Ladies regarding "hope he learns from it".....
....Hmmmmm...
Naawh!
{Forest Gump Accent}

@CarlosG903 You may be right. Given his age, it's unlikely he's never heard this lesson before.

10

You have more fortitude than I do. I have given up on telling people why they aren't good conversationalists, they don't care. They are how they are, and they aren't going to change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Chances are he'll be dead by then.

Yep.

8

I would have hung up when he said he wanted to see them. And blocked the number as well as any profile you know he has. It's seriously not worth it. F$& that BS. NEXT!

8

Yikes......I am surprised you even finished a conversation with him.

6

I see I'm not missing anything by not being on the dating sites. I think a lot of people get a bit too talky on the phone, feeling they need to fill every silent moment with more talking, when in person the silence can be savored or filled with glances around for a change of topic or physical gestures.

Most people can tell when they're going on and on unnecessarily, but for some maybe it's just nervous chatter.

I'm a bit of a talker sometimes, but I once had a guy break up with me after one date because I didn't talk enough during our subsequent phone calls. Huh! Had never been told that before! In my defense, he was our local rock radio DJ, so I was used to listening to him silently as he entertained me and the entire island. Never occurred to me to talk too much about myself, but apparently he actually wanted to listen to someone else other than his own talking. Oh well, after me he met a great gal, a perfect fit!

Some like to listen, some like to talk, and then there's those of us who like to find a happy medium, though I'm sure it takes a long while to find that comfortable interaction.

The crass comments about cup size etc., well that just shows that he was interested more in your body than your mind. Doesn't sound like a gentleman. At least you got a glimpse of his personality without having to go to the trouble of actually meeting him.

6

Hopefully he realizes that you sending this letter to him is actually helpful to him.
Being told what he did wrong should help him rethink his approach and make some changes.
I wish you both love.

Unity Level 7 Nov 14, 2021

@Unity

Thank you. Hope he can learn from it.

6

Dating as a senior must be difficult at best, I just remember all the head cases I met when I was younger…imagine it takes time, patience and a bit of compromising

6

Senior online dating! Ugh...don't get me started; I could do a comedy routine on that, and did write a song about it.

Isn't it awful what's out there? The moldy leftovers, for the most part, and I'm really trying not to be mean about it. I can so sympathize with everything you said, especially the ones who act like they haven't talked to anyone in decades, and can't filter anything that comes out of their mouths. For the most part, they are crude and mannerless bores, and there's a good reason why they're single. In the last three years I have met two rather nice ones, though, both of whom live over 2,500 from me, and don't want a long-distance relationship (but we traveled together anyhow, and had fun).

Do you find yourself nodding your head, practicing silent whiplash, while they go on and on indefinitely? You're not alone. 😀 There are some nice men out there who aren't taken, I'm sure, but where?

@Organist1

"The moldy leftovers" is priceless! My thoughts exactly.

"This guy is a loner," I thought. "No one to talk to."

Sure enough. "I tend to be a loner," he confirmed.

@LiterateHiker
It sure sounds like he's a loner. I really feel sorry for people like that, and don't want to come across as someone who doesn't like men. It's quite the contrary, but men like that are hungry for someone to talk to, so they end up online.

lolol.....moldy leftovers.

@hankster I just cleaned out my refrigerator.

6

good to know at 72 he still appreciates butt, bet he sees plenty at the pharmacist.

5

Good riddance to trash

bobwjr Level 10 Nov 14, 2021
4

Just recently I meet a woman online. A few messages and we exchanged phone numbers. A phone call and we met for lunch. It went well and the next time we went for an urban walk and lunch. She said next time she would like to go to Ft. Worth and walk around the downtown area. That was great. The next day was Sunday and she was going to be with family. I texted the following day to set our next date up. Nothing. Profile off on the dating site. I knew there was no reason to text or call as she would not answer. Nothing inappropriate was said or done.
Ghosting is so much fun.

Anyway, at least you let this guy know the problem you had with him.

I find ghosting to be reprehensible, and particularly so when it's after you've talked/met. How unnecessarily hurtful! All it takes is a 6-word sentence to break it off, and that can even be by text.

I admire @LiterateHiker for always being straight-forward and honest with the guys she meets online.

@Lauren

Thank you, dear.

4

You do get some jewels, but this was a dud, did I ever tell you how I got this annoying pain in the butt? Bla, bla, bla, ad infinitum, plus more blabbing and zzz zzz, sorry dozed off, LOL!

3

There are certainly many people I encounter who simply think that what they say is the MOST IMPORTANT SHIT ON EARTH !.. No filter, no shuttee uppee. I still think about some dude @ Dollar General that interrupted the conversation between an acquaintance and I a couple of weeks ago....then I remember many more just like him....They ramble on & on. One way babble.
I have a brother that is about the worst ....

On the romantic side of things, my ex-girlfriend and I talked almost nightly, for hours sometimes. I talked the most no doubt, but when she had her turn, I listened 100%. A few times I apologized for talking too much, but she insisted it was OK and she liked hearing my stories and my voice. She even complimented me for being a good listener. It is possible to speak AND Listen

WHAT A WOMAN !

twill Level 7 Nov 14, 2021
3

To quote Kelsey Grammer in Up Periscope, " NEXT CONTESTANT". 😂

3

Sounds like a winner right there. Where are you shopping?

@Canndue

Fitness Singles dating website.

2

I think you are about due to run out of frogs. I hope so anyway.

@alliwant

As @Organist1 brilliantly put it, I'm tired of meeting moldy leftovers.

My Fitness Singles membership expires in March 2022. I won't renew it.

2

WTF???

....this fella REALLY asked you about
"breasts and butts"
after his several whining sessions on a variety of
self-inflicted medical issues???
Can you BLOCK this silly-willy overly selfish indulgent ding-dong?
Thank God you didn't meet him...or anyone ELSE like him {I hope}
He's sad....
......very sad.

@CarlosG903

Love your funny reply! I want to copy, print and have it framed.

@LiterateHiker Glad you Loved it,
since I also LOVED writing it,
began writing it up after I stopped slowly shaking my head
seriously....how
DUMB this nilly-willy boy be?
Well, as a caveat, he being DUMB to himself, but it seems
he has Too Many Ding-Dongs for brain cells to even realize that
he gave the term "brain damage" a BAD reputation!
LOL!!!

@CarlosG903

To top it off, Dave has severe erectile dysfunction. Of course he talked endlessly about what he went through over years. As a last resort, he tried injecting his penis with a prescribed drug. Nothing works.

What a gem.

2

Stop beating around the bush . Tell him how You Really Feel !

GEGR Level 7 Nov 14, 2021
2

Sounds clear enough to me. I would talk you to death but not like this clown did. I would also want to hear what you had to say. My question on this, Kathleen, is are you really looking? I'm not caught in similar situations maybe because I am a loner and not looking. Even so, I got another invite today to "go to hangouts" or just give her my e-mail so we could text. I'm not a fan of hangouts and words on a screen are simply words on a screen. They have nothing to do with the pictures you are seeing. I do not want or need endless texts daily from someone, and especially if I've never talked to them in real time.

A lot of times if they want you to go directly to Hangouts, they're scammers, and there are so many of them out there.

@Organist1 ....and in here, I suspect.

@Organist1
Can I interest you in sidewalk insurance while you are here?

2

wow, you sure have a lot going on with these dating sites 😳

1

If I ever become like him, somebody please shoot me!

@QuidamOutrepont

Hilarious! Thanks for your funny reply.

1

For myself there is a time and place for talking sexy, but treating you as 'cattle' simply is not acceptable without it being made clear that that is your 'thing'.
For some relationships it could be part of humour although I do not detect that it exists here, so don't do it.
I tend to ramble on in conversations, but I try to learn when to shut up.
As for romance - pretending I'm close enough to be practical as well as suitable eye candy for you. I would not be demanding to see your feet, breasts and butt, that would be up to you to want to show them to me giving you the power for as, if or when.
Maybe, I'm a bit old fashioned and romantic, as well as modern in my dislike for the sexual objectification of fellow human beings.

1

Trying to find a decent person out there to try to love is like trying to get the right numbers on the lottery. I gave up long ago.

1

I much prefer to ask the occasional probing and open-ended question and then listen for as long as is needed to fully understand the answer.

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