An ancient sewer with some diamonds in it.

The most confusing and painfully dull book ever written. Some people (believers and non) make a big stink about having not only read it (all of it!!!) but also understanding it. I think they are either liars or they desperately need to make friends and get a life.

The Goat Herder's Guide to the Galaxy.

A way to get people to put 10% of their income toward "death insurance". Here's where it says you have a soul and there is an afterlife. Since the bible says so, that makes it true. To be sure you get in, just give me 10% of your income and I will get you in. Guaranteed.

Oh by the way, when you die, you can't come back and tell these people that they lied, that there is no afterlife. So their con game is 100% safe. Nobody can refute it. See, it says so right here...in the bible.

My thoughts: The Bible is a collection of written works from different periods in the Middle East, composed and edited by many different people with a variety of motivations, and compiled and canonized by the established Roman Catholic Church (for the New Testament) based upon what they already believed to be true, discarding any writings that disagreed with their established theology. None of the New Testament is a first-hand account of the life and times of a Jewish carpenter-turned-preacher who may never have existed at all. Paul of Tarsus is the true founder of the faith, and his ministry was one of power and money and influence for the sake of political and social revolution. The gospels are basically Jesus fan fiction. And many of the books are now seen by historians to be fraudulent. Some of the more symbolic works, seen by fundamentalists to speak to our age, were indeed coded language to criticize the powerful in its own time.

A very well written book of fiction.

The Bible is 100% accurate, if thrown at close range.

Wait... I like that Harry Potter bible idea. I'd pray to the almighty Dobby. Saint Hagrid has a nice ring to it.

A book full of stories. Chapter One of Gensis is my favorite. Everything got made, everything was inspected and deemed good. 420 time. End of story. Everything after that is like 50 shades of grey (never read the books or saw the movie) or lord of the flies mashed with catch 22.

I'm sure there is some actual human history in it -- or at least how those people perceived their world. Or at least however it was altered by the Church.....

The notion that this "Jehovah" or whatever was from another world / time makes an awful lot of sense to me!

I concur with Mark Twain and this saying on it in his Letters from the Earth: "It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies."

I will also add that it contains many contradictions.

A long hard lesson...

a very strange series of legends written 1400 years ago translated badly twice, about something that never happened 2000 years ago. beats me how anyone finds any solace in it .

kindling

The bible was written in in a language that can be interpreted and translated in many ways buy the one who is reading it. Also there were many things left out of the bible. So it is some ancient writings that are translated and described by many with many different outcomes along with many parts porously omitted. And its a hard read and very strange story.

A book of mythology. I've always been interested in mythology, not so much Christianity but in my book called "The Mythical Creatures Bible" by Brenda Rosen it even has as it puts it "Creatures of the Bible" which has a few of the beasts from the bible in it and basically refers to the bible as a legend. Even has Lilith in it. Which gave me information that in the Jewish Talmudic folklore of the fourth century CE, says this... quote.. "Lilith is said to be Adam's first wife. Seductive and enchanting, she was created by God in response to Adam's request for a mate. However, Lilith refuses to lie submissively beneath Adam as he desires and when he tries to force her, she abandons him. Though God sends three angles to bring her back, Lilith refuses. Instead, she consorts with evil spirits near the Dead Sea, where each day, she gives birth to more than a hundred demons. A Muslim legend says that she coupled with Satan and gave birth to the demon Djinn. To punish her for her disobedience, God kills some of her children each day." I think that is pretty fucking interesting and it makes me laugh!! Cause if you bring all religions together, it basically means that Eve was indeed not the first woman and the bible liesss and covers the trutthhh. Pretty funny!

A distorted blend of mythology & history ~

As one who has a Doctorate in Theology plus a Degree in both Ancient and Modern Histories I can simply say that the bible, starting with the O.T. is little more than a sordid mish-mash of mythologies and legends, etc, plagiarised from much older cultures/civilisations around the Mediterranean Region and twisted and contorted to suit the desire of the Hebrew Peoples in a vain effort to validate themselves and their perpetual war-like natures.
The N.T. also simply a re-think apology effort to put their god into a more favourable light than it was in the O.T..

In 2000 years I can't see people being murdered, tortured, oppressed or forced to live in poverty whilst paying tithes to people living in luxury who are experts in Harry Potter tales.

A leg for my couch

A band I played in spent the night in jail in Texas in the 70's. There was no toilet paper so the regulars in the drunk tank used pages out of the Bible. I thought that it was appropriate. That is what I think of the Bible. It was a bogus arrest and they dropped the charges. So it was all good.

The bible is a collection of stories by different authors from different times and it tells many different stories. Some versions of it have 66 books and others have more. There are no original writngs today of any of the versions. Everything is a copy to the extent that today we have no evidence exactly of what was copied. The Old Testament is used extensively to "prove" prophesy in the New Testament but the writings are contrived to prove a purpose. There are no eye witness accounts of anything at all, Jesus and all about him included. On close inspection much of the New Testament was written long after the time of Jesus. It's therefore not surprising that you find writings that appear to refer to 70 AD and the Jewish war of that time. The earliest date for Revelation being written is 96 AD. In the first 300 years after the time of Jesus this all came together in accepted ways of what people were going to believe and allow in their collection of all the stories. Constantine had a lot to do with this but so did Marcion and others. The biggest irony of the New Testament is that Saul of Tarsus (as Paul) was the real founder of the faith and he never even met Jesus. Many did not trust him then but today the entire bible (biblios) is looked at as the enerrent word of god. The big book comes about in truth as something closer to Frankenstein's monster, but you cannot tell the faithful that.

Rolling papers

Interestingly enough Catholics hardly ever read the bible. Which is a pity because it sure helps with deconversion.

A collection of ancient stories. Nothing more.