"Anyone who lives alone and manifests no longing to be in a relationship is – in our times – almost automatically (though more or less secretly) viewed as both pitiable and deeply troubled. It’s simply not thought possible to be at once alone and normal."
I've been single by choice for 8 years and have very much enjoyed it. I don't consider myself ill-suited for commitment. I just like being able to do my own thing.
These years of singleness have been a necessary season and the first time in my adult life that I've been in a situation where I'm not always having to think of someone else's needs and putting my own on the back burner.
Someday I may be in a committed relationship again, but it won't be because I'm lonely or succumbed to societal pressure. IMO, when people are looking for a partner for those reasons, they tend to make compatibility compromises they'll later regret.
If you're single, do you enjoy it? If so, why? If not, why?
I was married for 25 years. I'm separated now. One of the really nicest things I enjoy about being single is reading in bed at night, with some music playing too! On a different but related issue, what about the MGTOW guys who have renounced relationships with women? Between Incels and MGTOWs, it's becoming a strange world.
Yes, I have been single by choice for about a decade. I got so tired of meeting everyone else's needs while mine got ignored by everyone including me. I absolutely love it but I would also love to find a partner that values personal freedom as much as I do. I have no desire to be needed again. I want someone that is complete without me but enjoys my company so much that we want to spend time together. Separate homes! I miss sex these days because I have also been celibate and do sometimes fantasize about having a love life again but I LOVE my mess being mine and only mine. No disputes over well anything! I want a lover but will never commit to anyone for life again. If we are happy for life, it will last that long but no way am I staying in a cage.
I enjoy being single. My last two boyfriends wanted to get married or, at the least, move in together, but I like living alone. I was married for 25 years, had a live-in relationship for about seven, and I know what it takes to live with someone. My ex BF (we are still friends) stayed with me three weeks last summer when he was moving from a house to an apartment, and it drove me nuts to have him in the house. He did nothing obnoxious, but just knowing that he was in the house bothered me.
I eat when and what I want, I go where and and when I want, my money is my money and I do not have to consult anyone about how I spend it, and I sleep on whichever side of the bed I want to sleep on.
I have been single for 50 years after a divorce from my 1 and only marriage and I have lived alone for over 40 years. It is my lifestyle that I prefer and enjoy, giving me the freedom to live as I choose and associate with whomever I choose. If I had stayed with A, I never would have met B, if I had stayed with B, I never would have met C, on through the alphabet. Your mileage may vary.
Vicoria, I always find enough time to read and absorb your posts! While I am single with the same sentiments you have in your last two paragraphs (less the stated questions). Now, I would like to have someone special in my life with whom I can share mutual interests. That doesn't mean marriage or a "live-in" situation. One of my big emotional issues is SOME women's tendency to control. I've grown out of that and have broken off a friendship with a woman due to her "need" to always correct or qualify what I say. You say it very well, "Someday I may be in a committed relationship again, but it won't be because I'm lonely or succumbed to societal pressure." Yes, there is a built-in desire for mutual admiration. The impulse not to be alone is deadly. I've been married and felt lonely, that's misery!!
Some people are perfectly happy being single. I know of quite a few. Some people feel the need to be with another but then have bad experiences and decide it is better being alone and not having to deal with other's problems. Some people have good relationships and are happy. Everyone is different.
I am in a relationship but feel nicely single - Its not that I want anyone else its just that we get along okay in our own way we see each other at dinner time 1.00.p.m then talk a bit then leave nad get together again to watch a film or series from 7.pm to 9 p.m - we don't do coupley things together,we just enjoy each other when we see each other.
I completely understand your post. I got married a long time ago. I was 25 years old and getting married was mostly out of lust for the woman I was with. That's really not a reason to get married and it didn't work out in the end. I have been by myself for 3.5 years now. It's not a terrible place to be, but there are times I get lonely and desire a woman's company.
I've been single since I separated from my 2nd wife in 2006. The toxicity in the marital home because of her children made living there any longer impossible.
In all this time since, I have yet to find out what's so great about being single. I'm not egotistical enough that I have to have things my way all the time. Now I choose not to remarry for various reasons that are not related to fear of commitment. If the circumstances were right, I'd remarry in a heartbeat. I quite enjoy being in a loving committed relationship with an intelligent non-selfish caring attractive woman. I miss the cuddling on the sofa watching a movie. I love the scent of a woman with good hygiene. I miss intimacy. I miss waking up in the morning with her in my arms and that she desires and craves those feelings as much as I do. Life is meant to be shared, in my humble opinion. To me, I don't see the point in doing so many things if I don't have anyone to share them with. So I've been single now for over 12 years, but it's not by choice. It's been the lack of not finding the right woman who desires to share her life and be adored by a tender loving man who cares deeply about her and is diligent about the importance of allowing her the alone times that everyone needs occasionally, but NOT 100% of the time. Sexual compatibility and attitudes about intimacy will make or break any good relationship so both partners should remain having an open mind. Compromise is key to a good relationship with neither one feeling like they have to have everything their way, cause I certainly don't feel that way. In summary, I can live quite content being alone, I just don't desire to.
Is being single the same as being alone? Because I'm miserably alone. I have single friends who go out and have physical relationships. I try to convince myself that such things aren't necessary. But even the lowliest monkey gets groomed by his troupe.
Yes. I do enjoy doing as I like. I would very much love the occasional dinner date or companion to go to a movie. Or, after enough time has passed and trust developed, a friend with "benefits." But I am not eager to open up my home and hand over my heart again.
Probably best to experience both, jumping from relationship to relationship because you're afraid to be alone isn't better than being single out of fear of intimacy. I was single for a few years and made an informed choice that I wanted to be in a nuclear family and was willing to make the compromises that demanded.
In the beginning the speaker says, ”joining couples for the right reason, because they love another person” The speaker then goes on to say ”Romantic love is a dangerous illusion” I see most relationships start that way but don’t stay there. They change and that change can be more stabilizing and satisfying.
”No one thinks their partner is terrific after a while” Many do end up in mediocracy. But once aware of this, the pair can try to change and sometimes having separate lives helps. To me, being single and doing the same things day in and day out is also mediocre. It may open some doors but it also closes some. Having another partner also opens doors to experiences one normally wouldn’t have when alone. I have been there
”We aren’t sane enough to be in a relationship”. Relationships can and are often frustrating. That is unavoidable. The answer is to try and learn and grow and understand another. Communication and caring are the keys. Success, to me, means understanding and working with another to make things work. Sometimes emotion needs to take a backseat to reason especially when one is trying
”Being alone means not inflicting yourself on others”. I find that having a pretty low opinion on oneself. We should all have something to give. Baggage should be downplayed because it tends to bring one down except when it can lead in understanding and knowledge to from past mistakes.
Relationships spoil love” I agree any relationship, single or together can get old. Sometimes it takes the loss of on for the other to fully appreciate what one had. I also agree it is wise to not rush in or out of a situation.
One can get into any kind of rut, single, couples, family, friends or habits. One rut is not necessarily better than another. I called my late partner, partner for a reason. I don’t need or want a mother or maid. I want a partner with her own wants, interests and, above all time. There is no reason why, especially as one has reached a certain stage of life can’t have it all: single, team mates, lover, confidant and sharer. One only has to identify what desire from the outset and strive for it.
If it's working for you, great.
But that's not me. I'm divorced for a year and a half now. Not liking it. I'm lonely and I have passed up on a lot of things that would be fun to do with a companion but are not fun alone, and the greater economic flexibility to do those things which derives from having a second income in the household. I miss , cuddling, cooking for one another and doing dishes together, shopping together for the next week's food, having walks and encouragement to exercise.
Some people may not need or even want those things. But that's not the life I want.
great clip, especially the visuals
after having entered into one relationship after the other for 35 years with overlaps more often than not, & often having felt abandoned, ill-treated or lonely, i have been living a solitary life now for the past 12 years - & i like it. there are moments, mostly towards the end of a day, when i feel lonely. i occasionally experience a lack of physical attention & affection (not necessarily sex), & i realize that the company of another can widen my horizon & challenge my courage more than i can do myself. all these little shortcomings aren't sufficient yet to have me craving a relationship. if it happens, my mind, my arms & my heart are open, but i'd rather that he keeps his personal space & i'll have mine
I am happily single. I was married for 34 years, raised a family and lost my wife to a brain tumor. I have no desire to marry, co-habitate, go steady or be in a serious (emotional) relationship. I made this very clear back when I was on dating sites, but the message made things difficult.
Thanks for that video! I liked it very much. I'm glad it points out to the societal pressure to be in relationship and the meme that the only way to be happy, healthy and 'normal' is to be in relationship. I've been out of relationship for 9 years now. When I tell people that they immediately want to know what's wrong, women or men. It starts to become an albatross around my neck.
I stopped looking for happiness outside of myself 9 years ago. I stopped looking for happiness in a relationship or situation, mostly because I realized that everything I had tried and lived through wasn't bringing me joy. I've been on a personal inner journey since and they have been the happiest of my life. Stress free and a lot of contenment.
I have become curious about relationship again. I don't want to succumb to societal pressure, like you. I might like a life partner, but it won't because I have delusions about it making me happy. It will be to have companionship and because it will cause me to grow (because it will be difficult )