My wife is on the window sill among some plants. just can't really do anything with them yet, maybe never will. My 2 daughters will someday do something with both of us. I'm fine with that.

It sounds to me like you need to get the ashes off your hands in order to release these thoughts from constantly whirling around your head. I like the dispersing in water idea, but you'll find something that feels right for you and will bring you ease of mind. As you said, Ken wouldn't mind what you do with his ashes, so this is all about you and your piece of mind moving forward. Do what feels right. Release the burden and guilt as soon as possible for your own sanity. Good luck in your decision.

What you do or don’t do with his remains is irrelevant. When it feels right you can decide. But until then,stop feeling guilty. He certainly cares not.

My husband died in 2015. I still have his ashes in a lovely wooden box in the living room. I keep planning on taking them either to the place he always wanted them to go in the North Channel in Ontario or the place he requested, oddly, the last 6 months of his life, a funeral plot all ready next to his parents' plots just a few miles from home. I just can't seem to go and do it, so I understand.

One thing I meant to mention. I super hate your ex for his imposing his idea of what you could/should do with your deceased husband's ashes. NOBODY is going to tell me where or what I do with mine.
Our lives were enmeshed for 20 years. Nobody gets to rewrite that. What they don't understand is there is no competing with a dead person.
That's been a problem with some of my interactions IRL, don't ever make me miss him. Yes I loved him to pieces but the next person gets to be their own thing to me.

You are not weird and not the only one with deceased spouses ashes in the closet. My dear neighbor lady friend has her late husband in the closet. Mine is still in a cardboard box on a shelf in the bedroom . I kind of figure that's a step up from the 1st 6 months of my sleeping with them on the bed.
Yes I lost it. BIG. I'd wanted to have custom glass pendants made & a box out of lignum vitae (but have since found out LV is on Cites) but just haven't tackled it yet.

Just know you're not alone. It doesn't mean you loved them any less. Some people give family fancy funerals etc and yet the people weren't loved in life, what kind of respect is that. They are not here, and they don't care. That should be part of the luxury, if ANY of being dead, that you no longer care about stuff like that.

I see your spousal ashes in the closet and raise you a mother and father. Hubby is in a glass enclosed cabinet in the living room/dining room. Along with his "stuff" some favorite books, videos, trinkets he picked up along the way. Little Star wars things, Mr Spock build a bear. Plan to ask our children to come take what they will, not sure what to do with the rest. BUT... mom and dad are currently in a bin in the garage. At one time they were on the fireplace mantle, slowly through the years as the bronze of their urns tarnished so did the priority of their resting place. Tried to get my brothers to take custody to no avail. Just before hubby died I knew I did not want to take care of anyones ashes anymore. Dad never clearly stated where he want to end up, I suggested I would go back to Europe and free him in the Danube. He said no, it runs into the black sea and he didn't want to wallow there for eternity. Just do whatever you do to your mother (she passed years before) Mom wanted to be sprinkled under a flower garden full of peonies, she said she wanted to do some good. well, I always hesitated because I didn't know if I was going to own that land forever, and then one day it burned to the ground and no I didn't own it anymore, (whoosh good thing I never put her ashes there) So now I have three three people....ish So do I feel bad about Mom and Dad in a Rubbermaid tote? yeah... but it's just the two of them and it's a big tote, so kinda roomy. , they don't know and I really doubt they care. I know each would understand my not wanting to haul them here and there any more. Hubby and I did talk before he left and he didn't have specific wishes. White Sands New Mexico? nah, we spent a great couple days there... but eternity? too hot. I know, fill balloons with a little bit of ashes and let the bouquet go free, that way eventually all ashes would rain down everywhere. He said he liked the idea of falling into exposed cleavages, so that one is still on the table for ideas. I said when I go I want my ashes flying free across the rocks near Addison Ave along Lake Michigan in Chicago. I spent some of my best introspective years there. Hubby liked that idea and gave a thumbs up. (he wasn't able to speak the last year of his life) So, I guess that's the plan in a way. It will come together eventually. I was thinking I would take all three to Chicago and let the ashes fly free. I would them eventually. Thought first anniversary of hubby's death might be good.... but I got a kid in jail and I don't want to exclude him. (Don't jump to conclusions about the jail kid. He's 30+ and it's child support, and that he says is a mix up because his employer forgot to send the payment) So he gets to go to work, have 75% of his check go to child support and huber fees and punch out at the end of the day to report back to jail. Sorry for the long post.... I'm lonely. Thanks for reading this long. Anyway, I don't have an answer for you, just sharing my situation. Take care.

If it's time to let go of Ken's ashes and burial at sea is not appropriate, how about this? Take a walk in the nearest national forest and when you find a pretty and peaceful place bury the ashes there. You can visit the place another time if you ever need to.

Strange subject, and even stranger responses. My wife died 12 years ago, and had her ashes on the nightstand on her side of the bed for a couple years. At 3 AM one day, came a ding-dong at my door, went, expecting it to be police telling me someone was dead, but instead a very nice looking lady i worked with, standing there in her pajamas. Had to no choice but to let her in, took my hand, into the dark bedroom, pulling me by my penis, onto the bed and almost immediate orgasms for both...relaxing a bit later with a small table lamp lighting the room, she saw the box on the nightstand and asked what it was. Told her my wife's ashes...she asked didn't i feel awkward, because she did knowing now they were there...soooo in order to get "seconds," got out of bed and put the her on the shelf in my closet...

My wife died in March after a long battle with poor health. I keep her ashes in our bedroom. I likely always will. She told me long ago that when she is gone I should get on with my life. I am doing that the best I can. I don't think she would mind me keeping her ashes. I keep her nightstand light on as well. I have her mother's ashes too. My wife and I joked about flushing them down the toilet one time. Anyway, I think we all do things that aren't exactly rational when it comes to the death of a loved one. No matter what you decide, don't beat yourself up about it.

Welcome!

Ken has no idea you have his ashes. Keep them until you're comfortable. Honestly, he would probably have appreciated all the thought and care you've put into preserving what remains of him. And, IMO, there is nothing wrong at all with where you keep them.

You'll know when and where when it comes to you.

My wife's ashes are spread along the C&O canal near one of the campgrounds. Grab a tent, sleeping bag, pack it all on the bike and I can go visit. We had talked about where she wanted to be spread, she chose that campsite and had a stipulation that the entire family had to ride bikes on an overnight camping trip to spread her ashes, which we did.