I am new here. I lost my husband five years ago to a hospital-acquired infection the day after his 60th birthday. I was lucky to marry my very best friend. I live in a new city now, a place where we had originally planned to move together. It's getting better, but I still get my knees knocked out from under me unpredictably -- a song, a book, a movie, certain types of dogs or cats, certain cars, whatever.
Glad to find this group. My condolences to everyone else who has lost their loved ones.
I have often thought that the Victorians had one pretty good idea -- that year of mourning. The concept comes across sometimes as enforced isolation, but often I think that the black attire was a signal to the world to treat the wearer gently. And that's not a bad thing. One wishes that we had a simpler and widely recognized social signal today -- maybe a bandanna, or a wristband ...
10
Enjoy being online again!
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9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.condolences. pain remains but it eases over time
TheDoubter
Level 9
Mar 20, 2019
2
I lost my best friend and lover over 17 years ago. The pain never goes away, but it does get better. There are a lot of songs that cause echoes of her in my mind. I can actually listen to some of them with crying. Hang in there, we all know how it felt when it happened to us and can understand a bit of what you feel. Take it easy on yourself. The one lesson I learned is not to rush the recovery process.
Detritus
Level 7
Mar 20, 2019
3
Very sorry for your loss. It's been 9 months since I lost Richard. This group of people understand what you're going thru. Very glad you found us too. We are here for you.
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Mar 20, 2019
2
Yes welcome - although we are sorry for your loss and that this is the group that you are joining because of the loss.
It is an experience that we share. In my case is my wife taken by cancer after 43+ years of marriage just over 4 years ago. And I find, like you, that there are those things that bring back the grief of her passing.
I wonder about an outward symbol of mourning. Maybe - but would a year be long enough. As each of us has a somewhat different grieving period. Two years is the standard but that has not been my experience. And what would be acceptable by society. Probably the year. It is interesting to think about.
ArthurK
Level 6
Mar 20, 2019
3
If we had a common, more modern cultural symbol, the wearer should simply decide on the duration of mourning for themselves, of course. The year of mourning was a Victorian tradition, but many wore their armbands or veils for much longer.
Welcome. I hope your journey gets easier.
GeorgeRocheleau
Level 8
Mar 20, 2019
4
I liked the black armbands and think they should make a comeback - the ones worn on the upper arm. [en.wikipedia.org]
So easy to signal people what's going on - without changing your entire wardrobe - and that they should treat you a bit more gently - because grief can leave you ragged.
RavenCT
Level 9
Mar 20, 2019
6
