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It's been almost two years since my wife died. I still miss her, but I'm pretty much over the grief. The problem i'm having now is that there are VERY few single Agnostics/Atheist females in Boise, and I'm really tired of doing things by myself. I've got some male friends, but don't know any women except the ones who are married to one of my friends. Or in one of the groups I belong to. The single women I've met (and there are damn few of them) are all religious or geographical incompatible. This is getting a bit depressing. Anybody have any ideas?

Spudgun 7 Jan 25
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2

I was really glad to read the post from Spudgun. I was getting discouraged reading most comments here, that the grief of losing one's partner goes on for many years. My husband died only 8 weeks ago, and I still burst out crying over so many small things. I assumed it would take me a year to get over the deep grief, but reading most of these posts made me think there might be no end to it, especially at my age. That someone is searching for a female companion after two years cheered me exceedingly! I certainly hope he finds her!

Bobbie63 Level 5 June 28, 2020
2
4

Lend me a paddle. I think we're in the same boat.

ugly Level 7 Jan 25, 2020

Welcome to the Club, Brother. There ain't too many of us.

1

You are a gunslinging Trumpster but religion is a deal-breaker? OK, can't see it, but if you say so...,

7

Well, Zeke, I will level with you. As a single, atheist, woman residing in Boise, I don't give a single shit about religion. My dealbreaker would be political. I am a "liberal hack" in a very conservative town. I am not a gun nut, but, make no mistake, if you walk into my house with intent to do harm, I can shoot you & I will shoot to kill. I am an American, after all. I believe in The Constitution, all of it, not just one part. I think trump is not just a bad President, he is a bad human being. So, what do ya think?

Della Level 6 Jan 25, 2020

Hi, Della. We feel the same way about somebody breaking into our homes. I am a bit curious, though. When you look at what Trump has accomplished in the last 3 years, the unemployment rate, the number of minorities hired, the growth of the GNP, the increase in military strength, and the backind down of North Korea, and so many other things, he's just about the best President we've had in over 50 years. I do wish he'd keep his mouth shut more often, but nobody's perfect. And I'm willing to bet that a lot of the reasons that you don't like him are lies by the Democrats. Trump actually believes in the Constitution and doing thing that willl help America. And it's working.

Amen my sister. My daughter, also a freethinker, fell in love with a Christian. She frankly asked me if this was going to be an obstruction to my relationship with her, and I said hell no. Then I asked if he supported Trump because THAT would be an obstruction to my relationship with HIM. 🙂

@AncientNight Well said. The list goes on & on. Science denial, Clean air & water protections. I am guessing he has no "skin" in the game. Children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. There needs to be serious changes & they are making the wrong ones. There is no defending trump to me.. I do not have the time or patience to suffer a fool.

@Della you forgot the kids in cages. One of his all time lows.

1

Thanks for the suggestions. However, right off the bat, I can see that I should have been more specific. At the moment, I'm in the Idaho Chariots car club, on the Board of Directors of Black's Creek Range, I belong to the Idaho Automoatic Weapons Collector's Association, I volunteer at Simply Cats once a week, plus helping out there when they need something extra. I'm busy enough that sometimes it's hard to fit all of it into one day. And I'm not discontent. I like being me. I'm also working on setting up basic pistol classes, but that's still in the early stages (I've been a marksmanship instructor for 37 years and done classes before) of putting that together.

There isn't anywhere else I want to live, so relocation isn't an option.

I'm 75 years old. Cathy and I were together for 25 years. That means that I was on my own for 50 years. I've been single a lot more than I was married. So it's not like I'm not used to it. But there is a difference now. When I was younger and single, I dated a lot of women, but that was in Los Angeles, and no, there is no way on earth I'd move back to California now. The single women i find now are mostly looking to get married, plus they're not agnostics or atheists. Or they're liberals. I'm a pretty staunch conservative. Beginning to see the problem?

And I'm not necessarily looking to get married again. I'd just like somebody to hang out with now and then, or go places with. I like to travel, and have done a lot of it in my 75 years. There used to be an Agnostics group in Boise. I've spent a lot of time trying to find them. Even logged on to their website and went to the restaurant they used to meet in. Operative words USED TO. The folks at the restaurant said that they hadn't been there for six months. But it's still on their website. So it seems that they've either dissolved or gave up on social events. I've sent them messages and not gotten any answer.

So I suppose that there really isn't a good answer so far. Maybe there isn't one at all. Sometimes life is like that. I'll keep on nosing around. One thing I've found out over the years is that you never know what tomorrow will bring. That leaves possibilities (however slim) open.

Spudgun Level 7 Jan 25, 2020

You are correct that there is no good answer.

3

I'm going to suggest something a little out of the box.

Rather than frame it as a problem of finding a compatible woman, frame it a problem of discontent without a woman.

Solving that will paradoxically make you more attractive to most women, and far choosier in a good way, that will do you and any eventual partner justice.

There is really no reason why a person cannot have a fulfilling, rewarding, enjoyable life flying "solo". Sure there are downsides to it -- just as there are downsides to married life. But these days I advise people to deal with the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) before they start the project of finding a new spouse.

That's not to say it can never work out, but I gotta say ... here I am, 63, married thrice (one divorce, and then widowed) and if I were at loose ends again I'd want to do some no-compromises travel, and build a life for myself on the assumption I'd walk to the clearing at the end of the path alone. I suspect they might be both the loneliest AND best years of my life, because for 44 years now I've always been someone's husband, father, employer ... I think there are aspects of myself I haven't explored or experienced in all these years. I'd spend some time focusing on that.

And then if an opportunity presents itself for a wonderful relationship along the way, fine; if not fine. But at my age things get harder rather than easier. There's more illness, more chance for more bereavement, less sex, less patience ... it's kind of a long list. So it even seems pragmatic to me to figure out life without that extra cruft, because at some point you're maybe going to need to, anyway.

My $0.02 for what it's worth. If you're a guy who just doesn't know what to do with himself without a woman, figure that out first.

mordant Level 8 Jan 25, 2020

Great advice. It's almost 4 years for me. I spent a lot of it spinning my wheels but have finally come to have a few female friends that I socialize and go out with. I realize that so far none of them are "the one" but I enjoy the company. I'm not as concerned to find "the one" but I keep looking, just not so intently that I'll scare her off.

3

A lot of us are in the same fix. Short of relocating as Redhead said below, there's nothing.

freeofgod Level 8 Jan 25, 2020
6

You may have to be open to relocating. I’m in the same boat here in Texas, although I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m surrounded by buybull thumpers so doubt even if I was looking, I highly doubt I would find another Atheist.

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