I usually say, "it's unlikely but if he's there I'd tell him I'm not interested in joining him."

If God is real...
That means so is Jesus, and the unconditional love for those who do good acts.

Jesus knows the church has strayed from his message. He will welcome all who care for their siblings with open arms. Works are more important than Words.

Using my best SNL Chris Farley "Do you remember" impression, I'd say: Do you remember that time when you drowned everyone because you were mad........ That was awesome.

Playing along here, I like your demand, but I'd first want to know 'Whose God are you? What description that we have is the closest match? I mean, somebody's gotta be right about you, right?' And then, considering the issue of divine hiddenness, I'd want to know, 'Where the hell have you been all this time?' But one thing I would never do is bow my head or kneel.

I'd have to snicker I was a better god then you to my pets since I cared for them all with love and kindness, and discipline when necessary, but not with ignorance and destruction and leave it at that.

I would absolutely light him up. I lecture him the same way my grandfather lectured me as a child when I got out of pocket. When I was done with that (however long that would take since we have all eternity) I would begin his re-education by reading to him from "The Principles of Morals and Legislation" by Jeremy Benthem and "Nicomachean Ethics" by Aristotle.

No, really, what's up with the platypus?

I would say "why such a dick"?

Does the pot of gold make you more likely to believe in Leprechauns? No, promises of rewards and punishments that are only delivered after we die are meaningless without a way to verify.

I don’t worry about that kind of stuff as it just impossible.

I'd nail the bastard to a cross for eternity.

IF he existed, and everything was true, why would he owe you an apology?

I always find this question silly and not worthy of an answer. I don’t believe in god, so this question to me is the same as me asking them “if you woke up on Christmas morning and there were gifts under the tree you didn’t put there, would you believe in Santa Clause? Has a tendency to end the discussion.

"Even if your God WERE real, I would not worship it."

I'd ask "Why did I have to die to meet you?"

I'd kick the fucker in his hairy white balls.

My answer... works for many questions from religious people...

Me: "Depends, which god?"
Them: "There's only one god, the Christian one!"
Me: "Oh, you mean Yahweh?"
Them: "What?"
Me: "the god in the Old Testament is named Yahweh"
Them: "I meant Jesus!!"
Me: "Aren't they the same, father/son/spirit?"

You can see where this goes...