All I normally post here are my insane ramblings. My twisted view of the world. My attempt at making people laugh.
I'm going to post something different tonight.
My youngest son (22 year old Maxon) has spent the last three days in the hospital.
I've felt fear before. I'm not a stranger to it. But, I've never felt any fear like this.
Sitting in a chair in an ER. Watching your child gasp for breath surrounded by a team of doctors and nurses asking each other questions and the only answer I hear repeatedly is "I don't know."
Really?!? I go through life with nothing more than an intent to make people feel good and bring laughter but, this is the shit that's returned to me.
"God" is a stupid concept and a ridiculous way to hope for healing.
I'm a fucking mess right now. And, it's not even a beautiful mess. It's more like slightly attractive chaos. Sort of like watching a campfire with a gas can in your hand. That's a fairly accurate description.
Maybe I deserve this bullshit but, my kid doesn't.
He deserves the chance to grow into becoming the asshole that I am.
So, if there is some "higher power", it's seriously fucked up.
I'm not going to pray. I'm not going to beg. I'm just going to wait. Hopefully science will figure this shit out.
Because religion isn't going to.