A lap dance from some one who was not at all at tractive.
Although, my friends who paid for it got a good laugh.
I made them buy all of my drinks that night.

When I was 7 my parents bought me one of those stupid child leashes 'for my birthday' (wrapped it and everything) and the next day I went outside while they were sleeping in and 'played' with it on the deck (mostly just attached it to a railing and tested elasticity and full stretch length or whatever) and 'accidentally' snapped the line.

Mothers Day 2008 or 2009. I had let my ex know I wanted a flower bed built in the back yard. My ex has a Xian Hymnal website. That year he wrote an Easter hymn. He used music from another hymn and wrote new words. Nothing about mothers or love or children. He dedicated that hymn to me on his website. When I opened the envelope and read the words and the dedication I almost barfed. He should not have quit his day job and I hate poetry anyway. I said "thank you." and changed the subject. In our divorce I specified that my name had to be taken off his website. Gag me, freaking gag me. I filed for divorce a few months later

My ex once gave me a broom set for an anniversary present. I should have dumped him back then and saved time.

Close second..I had a sister-in-law who liked to give ugly, mismatched crocheted knick-knacks for Christmas. I filled a drawer with them, then, years later, put them in a Goodwill box.

A marriage license, oh wait I had to pay for that. And pay, and pay.