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Anyone else feel isolated? How do adults even make friends? I have none. I wonder if the social connectedness of church is what keeps rational people attending.

BeccaVa 7 Sep 23
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72 comments (26 - 50)

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I have friends. Dear friends. And I would tend to think I am one of the adults, debatable yes but nonetheless. How do we make friends? I don't know. It just happens. I enjoy their company despite the fact that I give them shit and vice versa.

There are communities other than religion.

I have lots of friends but that is not to say that I don't feel isolated from time to time. That's just a part of being human.

Hell with the expectations, and hell with sex. Reach out to another as a person. I know I will never intentionally hurt them, and aid them in whatever manner I can. You know. They are my friends. At least one of them does not think of me as his friend. But I love him as my friend, and will admit that to anyone who will listen. It's what I know about them and what I choose (to some extent) to feel about them, and not necessarily what they feel about me. This way, I have some illusion of control. 🙂

1

I'm in a period in my life in which I have no friends either. Kind of troubling. I'm sort of a mix of introvert & extrovert, I'm not a social butterfly but I like people. I love reading, writing and solitude but really like a mix of people and oarty every now and then. Yes I'm cursed, Lol..
Hope you find some pals...

1

given my experience of the world, I cherish my isolation.

I do have a couple of friends, my roommate is a very good person to live with, but even with that I cherish when they all go away for a couple of days.

I'm sorry you are having trouble making friends. I would imagine being an atheist in Virginia doesn't help with that very much. I hope it gets better.

Thank you ❤️

1

From one friend, you may find L. Barksdale's book called "Building Self Esteem" to be worthwhile. It is a workbook type. Further, abandon emotional thinking processes in favor of rational thought processes.
Your friend, Dave Welsh, who is with you all the way.

weldy Level 4 Sep 24, 2018

Thank you ❤️ I’m not much of a reader but I may check this out.

1

I have felt isolated for much of my life. Most of my friends are bridge players or jazz musicians because these are the people I meet doing the things I like. I do find it difficult to meet men friends.

1

I wonder that a lot. I do think the social aspect of church keeps a lot of people there. I often wonders if there was way to have the same thing for non religious people.

Check out your local Unitarian Universalist church or Sunday Assembly. Mostly just a bunch of atheists and agnostics. I'm in the bible belt and there are 4 nearby UU congregations, a Sunday Assembly and Atheist and Rationalist societies.

1

I think it’s a personality thing. Church just creates a “common interest” I am willing to bet extroverts make plenty of friends, whereas introverts tend to lay low.

1

Yes! And this is a fact that we atheists often overlook.

1

We also have Meetup in the UK, I have attended several photographic events over the last few years. Going to see bands is also a good way to make new friends, music is a great at bringing people together. Of course, if you'd like to know more about other people & cultures from around the world, how about talking to people through here

1

Believe me this resonates with me. When I retired three years ago my daughter and some acquaintances were worried I might never leave my house again. I made a promise that I'd try to find two social events a week. I tried joining several organizations but I'm very awkward socially and an extreme introvert and just never felt I belonged. I am going to be volunteering at a local hospital. At some places I reached out I ran into one or two people who I thought might be like-minded. Some connections just fell into my lap. A neighbor who also had to put down a dog recently has become a friend as we have similar taste in reading and at the end of our first extended conversation she said something about not believing in god. Bingo -- a friend. Also one of my friends of 30 years is moving away and I've gotten to know some of her friends. If I can make friends, I think anyone can. I have mobility problems and I'm almost 70 so no exercise or activity groups for me. But I can sit and drink coffee with the best of them. I guess I'd say don't give up. I just keep reminding myself that I don't like most people I meet so I certainly can't expect most people to like me. Seems to work for me. Good luck. (That's not meant in a snarky way -- I genuinely empathize.)

Thank you ❤️
Time to stop feeling sorry for myself and try again. I sent a request to a local 40+ women’s group that appears to do a ton of local activities that interest me. I’m 35. So…. Fingers crossed

1

It's hard to make friends anymore , but we can chat as long as you like

1

I feel isolated much of time. I also don't know how to meet people, or to find friends. Hang in there!

Lots of good ideas here. Scroll through the comments. ?

@BeccaVa I was looking but nothing new jumped out at me. Oh well.

@Deanervin meet-up.com?

@BeccaVa nah, this online stuff just doesn't work for me. Hell, life doesn't seem to work for me at all some days.

Not a good day.

@Deanervin the meetup website has different groups that you join and do things together in person. There is a meetup for near everything from cooking to kayaking and D&D

@BeccaVa oh right. I may check it out. Thanks!

1

Possibly, just not the kind of connected that I want or need.
I use sports and hobbies mainly to meet similar minded people. I will admit it makes it harder to meet women because most of my things are sports the ladies don't play as much.
Next year I plan on getting a paddleboard/kayak/canoe and getting back to doing some of that kind of activity

Basically I think you just have to make a little effort the same way you would need if someone were to approach you

1

Actually, I'm cutting back on friends.. lol
You may want to try a gym. I go to anytime fitness, and I like a lot of the people there.
Also, if you want to try a church thing, I heard that the Universal Unitarian church is agnostic, atheist ,Buddhist friendly.

1

The only "church" I have found with any worthwhile intelligent discussion was the Unitarian. I haven't gone there in years ( my ex went; then she did the impossible and got thrown out, so I don't want the embarrassment)
A friend has a lot of Indian friends as he became a monotheistic Hindu when he was young. Until he explained he was monotheistic and believed not in god, but the unification of energy or spirit, I just thought he was an every day Hindu. Like Christianity and other religions, it, too, has many sects.

1

Yep. Lots of good ideas mentioned already but hell if I know where to start. Dont really have the time energy money or fucks to give for a new hobby. The only place Ive made a large number of friends as an adult is through mobile/online gaming. The main game I was playin became such pay to win nonsense that its impossible to keep up with though. Meh.

1

Yes and no, I just miss having conversations about current science topics.
And yes I can see why some may stay connected to a church and have seen the keeping up with the Joneses thing going on.
I want none of it.

1

Community is important. I have often said we need to create agnostic "churches" for people to get together. I think if such bricks and mortar locations existed, agnosticism would be much more attractive and convert more people. Look at how much we all enjoy being together here!!

Look into the Sunday Assembly

I woud think just a meet and greet event at any local cafe or available space would work just fine.

Rescue Missions comes to mind...

1

I feel ya, making friends is hard

1

hobby groups like photography painting cookery classes cycling book clubs are one way, local library might be the place to check out, also adult education classes learning a new language particularly good for building bonds as everyone feels roughly the same level of stupidity, keep it classes swimming groups coffee morning groups get a dog its crazy the amount of people that i now end up speaking with just because we both have a four legged loony running around us. i see you like hiking no hikers groups nearby? nothing like a hike and finishing it with a couple of drinks and chat in a bar or restaurant learn tai chi the list goes on good luck. Edit should have checked your profile 1st your pics are good really liked the yellow flowers and woodland one and i see you have a dog👍

I would love to learn tia chi! Great suggestions. I suppose I can feel sorry for myself or do something about it. I’m going to see if I can find a hiking group!

@BeccaVa dunno if this is anywhere near you its the org i learned tai chi with yrs ago based in canada it is world wide and though not a charity does sliding scales for members well in uk any ways [taoisttaichi.org] they generally use churches to keep costs down no religion attached (again at least over here)

1

Somewhat, but that's on me. I have joined a couple meetup groups. It's nice to be able to 'shop' for acquaintances based on common interests. After about 3 or 4 months of that, I have yet to speak with a member outside the meetup framework. I've also met a lot of nice people while playing disc golf. Can't imagine striking up a conversation while playing basketball or bowling, but it's pretty easy with disc golf. Good luck with your search!

Thank you

1

Church is a pretty good outlet to meet others if, as an athiest or agnostic, you can tolerate all the Praise Jebus talk.

As a married person with children, your family likely takes up a sifnificant majority of your time. The alternative is to be a single wall flower sitting at home alone in an empty apartment, getting older and whiling away the years living life vicariously through night time TV dramas. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get out on occasion to meet new folks, but first be grateful for who you already have. Some people have no one.

Don’t get me wrong. I am greatful. I have a wonderful family. My teens are teens and need to practice their independence before they are out on their own. As much as I want to at times, I can’t burden my kids with adult issues. So for a few more years I’m here for them but they aren’t able to return the favor. My husband is a wonderful lover and man. But I understand he can’t be everything.

How about being single, traveling around the country by car or by train, camping in a comfortable trailer when the weather is nice, enjoying a good hobby (mine is computers), meeting up with a person you ocassionally happen to meet online. Life can be good for an old, retired, single man (or woman) if you half way try.

1

I agree with you, Becca. I used to have few friends and lots of associates. Today the associates are becoming fewer. So is the friend list. I believe that once you go the atheist path this sort of thing will happen unless you have some sort of community to share things. For us this site may serve that way. For many others it keeps them in church attendance. It would be surprising to find that many in church haven't believed in several years, but it may be so. I would love to find secular community somewhere and it's the only thing I can recommend to battle the isolation.

I have one interest in church, as an outlet for my annual giveaways. Each year I raise and distribute Milkweed and other pollinator/butterfly friendly plants thru town. My church is an excellent outlet and creates uncounted way stations for the threatened Monarch Butterfly, and others.
In return, I'll distribute communion, usher and greet occasionally in reciprocation. The "message" is just collateral damage to brain cells.
Yesterday's message was about Joseph and his dreamcoat. It's a darling little story about brothers and cisterns...

1

So isolated. I have little to no social skills, and am very introverted. To top it off, I work all the time

1

You're not the only one. In my youth I used to run around and interact, but lately, not so much. Even when I was working, the people around me were acquaintances but not friends. I don't see anyone but my neighbor and we have superficial conversations. I have my pets and that's about it.

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