Guys ask why women are so pissed off. Even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He's done it with hundreds of audiences:
"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.
Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”
― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help
(The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)
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61 comments (51 - 61)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I have zero expectation that any of this is going to change.
None.
Sure, all this effort into trying to raise awareness is great.
I just don't really see it making that much of a difference.
KKGator
Level 9
Sep 28, 2018
6
I think ... I fervently hope your wrong...my belief is that the more we teach our children and each other, things can and will change...getting rid of Religions that teach men to dominate women is the biggest hurdle as I see it...that's where it starts...every God Damn time...unless they are just plain psychopaths...in which case we need better ways to screen for it in schools...problem there is a lot of people will scream "invasion of privacy"...society as a whole needs to evolve or it will destroy itself. Equality, empathy, science and social conscience...namaste
@phoenixone1 I'd like to be wrong. I really would, but I don't think I'm going to see it in my lifetime. Maybe someday. Maybe never. No telling.
I agree and actually think it is going to get worse instead of better. A large portion of those who are or potentially will be predators are getting the message that even if they get caught it isn't a big deal. Just talk about how it impacts your career, family, etc and suddenly the criminal is the victim and the women who are abused are sitting on the sideline being hit with sticks and called a liar.
@KKGator well at least I hope you can be happy...if not all the time...a good some of the time...Namaste
I think the answer in real time is very plain. Men in everyday life do not have to do anything to prevent themselves from being sexually assaulted. This is why most of us men do not even think of it.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Sep 28, 2018
4
For sure. Although, as I get older, I consider being mugged or otherwise assaulted a possibility. Though, sexual assault is never on my mind.
@EdEarl right. Since I have gotten to that "vulnerable" age myself, I am usually hyperaware of my surroundings, my head on a swivel, when I am in certain areas. I live in an area permeated by gang members, and while the violence and other crimes are under reasonable control, I'm still very cautious when I go out; and I virtually never go out at night.
You have to watch this man's TED Talk. I post it at least once a year to my FB page. If I could figure out how to do it, I'd work with this man. He's putting amazing information about there on not just the toxicity of "Manhood" but how it's making men suffer, too.
Olnoseven
Level 7
Sep 28, 2018
5
Doesn't really refer to being "pissed off". True, the above does highlight what women go through all the time. To make this analysis refer to being pissed off, it does show all the added baggage women have to lug around. These current supreme court hearings show how women have to take so much shit from men. Considering the suffragette movement, Rosa Parks, Anita Hill have had to go through would highlight in a better way why women are justifiabfy pissed off. While we're at it, call the Senate switch board before today, Friday Sept. 28th @ 202-224-3121 now. You will be directed to your Senator, tell her/him to NOT vote for Kavanaugh's nomination.
Lop-Eared-Mule
Level 7
Sep 28, 2018
6
Not making light of this but rephrase the question. Draw the same line and ask. "What do you do on a daily basis to prevent being assaulted?" Just omit that one word and see the difference. Men are far more likely to be a victim of assault. Not sexual granted but it can and does kill you. When men say that a woman was dressed provocatively, it is not necessarily an accusation. Ask a guy if he would walk into a rival teams bar wearing his home teams shirt? The answer would be "I don't have a death wish". We have to learn from a very early age to deal with violent assault. Never mind puberty, we learn this in kindergarten. Staying in well lite areas, avoiding eye contact, puffing your chest out and straightening up to look more formidable are second nature to us.
It is good that men get to know how women have to go though life but it might be beneficial for women to know how we go through life too?
273kelvin
Level 8
Sep 28, 2018
4
@orange_girl For the most part true. Although new research suggests that as much as 40% of domestic violence may be women against men. Surprising I grant you but men are far less likely to report this.
As to plain old "assault" women will suffer at the hands of the same sex just as men do.
@orange_girl Look I am not trying to lessen what women go through but statements like "I would rather have a physical assault than being raped any day." Do no one any good. !st there is no point saying my dogs bigger than yours. Especially when its untrue. Victims of rape are so often threatened with violence unless they comply so... 2nd to what degree? I know that given the choice (and its not something I would wish to choose) would I rather have my balls felt be either sex against my will or have them crushed?
Is rape a fate worse than death?
No one should have to be subjected to either.
@MissKathleen I am not trying to marginalize the problem. Young men between 18 & 25 are far more likely to be a victim of assault than any other group. An understanding of what both sexes have to encounter has got to be beneficial for either sex.
@PalacinkyPDX I resent and refudiate your accusation. My comment was not meant to be all about me. It was an honest attempt to bring an understanding of what both sexes go through. If the questioner had omitted the word sexual first and THEN asked the audience the sexual assault question. Then many there might have picked up some insight and or tips to avoid these things. Many of the prophylactic measures stated by the original post are also things that men do too.
@TheMiddleWay, @orange_girl, @Stepmomofdragons, @Stacey48, @MissKathleen I include here a link and extract from the national crime statistics.
"Sex
Men were more likely to be victims of CSEW violent crime than women (2.1% of males compared with 1.3% of females1, Figure 9). This was true for all types of violence, with the exception of acquaintance violence which showed no significant difference and domestic violence which showed the reverse trend (0.4% of females were victims compared to 0.2% of males). The year ending March 2017 CSEW showed that:"
stranger violence showed the largest difference in victimisation between men and women (1.3% compared with 0.4%)
around twice as many men (1.2%) as women (0.6%) experienced violence without injury"
[ons.gov.uk]
@MissKathleen Okay if you get murdered then it ends there but what if you survive? My gay friend had his jaw smashed by thugs 5 years ago. He hung himself last year.
@orange_girl If you feel that my comment was irrelevant then just ignore it. My point was that the post gave out the impression that women are the only victims of assault and that men do not have to take measures to prevent being attacked. This is misleading. I stated right at the start of my comment that I was in no way trying to undermine or make light of the problem. Merely that men are (as my statistical reference showed) 3 times more likely to be a victim of stranger assault. Do you think that is a privilege?
There are many other threads here that address what you call the issue at hand. All I tried to point out was that we are all in this together sister.
All of my life I have endeavored to treat women with respect. It would be nice if that was reciprocated.
@MissKathleen Brian was a victim of hate crime.
I have never been raped nore have I been left for dead in a pool of my own blood. I would not be crass or patronizing enough to say that one was worse than the other
@MissKathleen I do wish to argue any further. The law does not view rape as a capital offence. I outside of the old testament I do not know any laws that do. Therefore society does not. If you disagree with this then thats your prerogative.
@jorj I am not sure that this is the post to discuss this but to a degree I take your point. Love him or loath him (I am of the latter). One thing Trump has done has stopped to trivializing of sexual politics. By being the lefts worst nightmare, small stuff are no longer being sweated. I recall a a news item a few years back when scientists landed a probe on a comet.All the media could talk about was the inappropriate shirt the guy wore for the press conference. (It had scantily clad ladies on it). Like scientists are noted for their dress sense. The guy helped put a probe on a comet ffs.
This is a huge reminder to me because I had forgotten that I do all these things on a daily basis. They are so ingrained into my being, that I just don't notice them any more. 
patchoullijulie
Level 8
Sep 28, 2018
7
My son in law was taught by his parents to cross the street at night if he is coming up behind a woman so that he doesn't freak her out. I was discussing this with a man friend and he thought that it was my son in law letting his actions be controlled by the unwarranted fear of some woman. Would that sound like a man friend who is insensitive to the problems that women face on a daily basis? I fear so.
Stephanie99
Level 8
Sep 28, 2018
3
It does not matter if the fear is unwarranted or not, why would you want to cause any sort of fear if it is avoidable?
@Fernapple I think that it is a matter of not letting be controlled by irrational fears of others.
I worked in campus security when I was in college a billion years ago and I was taught to either slow down or quicken your pace to pass a woman on the street to make it clear you're not there to harm her. A newer way of handling it is faking a cell phone call loudly enough for her to hear you say that you're on your way to the club/restaurant or wherever to meet friends. The point is not to appear as if you're lurking.
@Olnoseven That's cool that you learned that even a billion years ago. I think that my man friend is unaware. Perhaps he's just sick of scaring everyone as he is a big black man and a lot of the reasons that he scares people is that they are racist.
It always surprises me, how many men have no clue. And how many women do these things without a second thought.
GreatNani
Level 8
Sep 28, 2018
12
@Stepmomofdragons yes. One of my daughter s walks with headphones in.so she can ignore catcalls.
That is very true. Men without having things pointed out have for very long been trained by both parents how to live and react in society (this goes for most of the world). I remember studying linguistics and seeing the evidence of sexist language in the English language alone to whit showing there are more derogatory terms to describe females than males.
These thoughts and actions are one of the reasons that I, in high school, predicted a black male President of the United States before a woman. Note black men got the vote (at least legally) in 1868 while women here did not until 1920. I grew up in a rural, very religious and Christian oriented farming area. Many there haven't changed much over the years. I got thrown out of class, even before school stared one day for insulting Billy Graham by insinuating he was a drunk who sold an Elixer named Christ. Such fun times to have been liberal minded. Mostly I got thrown out for arguing with the teacher, whose father was an evangelical minister (who also happened to run a notoriously poorly operated old folks home, now called senior centers), over how I didn't believe I had to "watch it" because I didn't believe her god was going to get me.
Beowulfsfriend
Level 9
Sep 28, 2018
4
I think some men are getting their eyes opened a little.
Lilac-JadeCanada
Level 9
Sep 28, 2018
4
I had a good male friend thank me for posting this in FB. He said he had no idea.
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