You posted at a time of stress, and is perfectly understandable....I wirhdaw the remarks I left on your previous post and wish you nothing but my sympathy. Take whatever help is offered and remember above all else nobody here hates you, in fact if you let us , we will try to help. I’m sorry you didn’t have a good relationship with your father, sadly it happens all too often, but you have your whole life ahead of you and you can’t let that relationship colour and affect the rest if it. Good luck with getting the therapy you deserve and try not to get too overrought ....if you need to vent, come onto the site and we will listen.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to work through the anger and pain and find a comfortable place of acceptance.

Sorry for your loss. I will always be a disappointment to my parents, so I can understand where you're coming from. I hope you do find help to deal with your emotions.

Losing a parent, regardless of the state of the relationship (or lack thereof) is always difficult. Sorry for your loss. Hope you're able to find a counselor who can help you. Being sad is normal, bottling it up is not healthy.
Good luck to you going forward.

If you need someone in the meantime call 211 and they can tell you how to reach someone by phone.

Sorry for your loss. Even if you never liked him - it was still your Father and it's still a loss. Grief is hard stuff.

Sorry for your loss, hope you find some peace of mind

I am sorry for your loss. I acknowledge you for putting yourself out there in your time of loss and being open. I wish healing for you. Regardless of how your relationship was at the end, he was still your father and that obviously means something to you.

At the risk of sounding condescending, and I hope this does not land like that, you have done an amazing thing by reaching out and saying that you are sorry for your actions. I don't know you but I am proud of you.

A complete apology has three parts. The first is the apology. You have done this and I acknowledge you for this. The next is to acknowledge the impact your actions had on others. And the last is a promise to the future. Which you have done as well. By seeking out counseling, you are creating a promise to others and to your future self that things will not be the same.

I encourage you to find the counseling. Be well.

My dad and I were on a rocky relationship as well. I was not home in NY when he died nor could I get to his funeral. However, I did see him about a month before and we had a good conversation. I never quite teared up over the loss of my father, like you, I tend to kept it bottled up. Counseling did wonders and I high recommend it. The drugs also helped a lot (Wellbutrin for the depression.)

I think getting a counselor is a great move. I'm very sorry for your loss. The death of my dearly-beloved father was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I wish I had gotten counseling - I probably needed it as much as you do. I just drank two bottles of wine per day and cried a lot. Asking for help during troubled times is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. If you have access to free services via hospice or whatever, please take them.

For a son, the father's death is always a big deal, even if the two were estranged. Counseling is a good idea. Hang in there.

My condolences!

So sorry to hear that.

So sorry. Yes, counciling will help.

A counselor is a good move.. sometimes a person needs help opening up the boxes and sorting things..

I am sorry for your loss.

Totally understand how you feel. Three years ago I was arguing with my mother on the phone. She wanted me to sell my house and move into low income housing. I had survived cancer and she was abandoning me. My father got on the phone-nasty swearing yelling. My Dad died a week later. Next time I saw him I saw an unrecognizable corpse in a casket-don't ever look anyone. My Dad and I had a history of physical and emotional abuse. Totally understand how you feel.

So sorry. I hope you mend with time.

Hatred and anger are sometimes inseparable, but they are different. Hatred requires an element of caring; not necessarily love, but mattering in some way to the person expressing anger/hatred. Anger happens most often in response to disappointment or thwarting of expectations.

When people talk about 'need for anger management' I see it as rarely necessary when there is good 'expectation management'. It doesn't matter anymore what caused your father's apparent hatred/anger. Most often, even when it does matter, it isn't about the object of the emotion, but the person expressing it who has merely chosen a target.

Parenting, being human, is flawed in the best of circumstances. It is burdened by many, sometimes self-imposed, high standards and expectations that simply aren't realistic; especially on the parts of the 'parented'. If you are a parent yet, you are already aware that personal deficiencies in experience and understanding of the job are going to result in mistakes. At all ages we can also be selfish with our time, attention and resources. Children instinctively dislike the 'competition' and as children, our 100% shared experience, our own expectations can be higher than realistic for many causes.

After that indefinable period of 'childhood', in a similar way comparable to death, it doesn't matter anymore whether it was ideal, deficient or anything between. We have to parent ourselves and try to understand and forgive our own parents for our experiences of being neglected; punished for not being who they expected; projecting unrealistic expectations on us; choosing 'favorites' before us, and other failures that only mattered back then. Life constantly 'morphs' over time and out of necessity. So also do life's relationships and seasons.

The future beckons constantly and things of the past belong there; where they mattered. Travel light. Dump baggage and you'll thank and learn to love yourself out of appreciation for lightening the load.

Sad cause you're human. But fuck it, you don't need people like that circulating in your thoughts.

I understand where you were just angry as hell when you wrote about killing the children of door-to-door hypocrites and troublemakers, but I still don't condone saying such a thing. Personally, I believe you were just venting and were as serious about killing children as I am about eating a horse when I say "I am so hungry I can eat a horse".

In my opinion, some people just need to learn how to relax and not take every statement they read on the internet so fucking seriously. I'm pretty sure you're not going to kill anyone's children. But some people apparently need that explained to them.