low rent!

We're all human. We all make mistakes and sometimes take things too far. Sometimes, we're a little overly driven to compensate for things that are lacking in our lives and some may not have a good example to follow. Maybe we're just in a bad place and are making some bad choices because our judgment is impaired.

A couple of good suggestions in the comments. Especially BeccaVa. Some things to consider: How will management respond to a complaint? Who does management favor more: you or him? How have they handled other complaints? Have other complaints been filed for this guy? Also, what's his wife like? Is she a willing participant? Are they swingers? Or would there be hell to if she found out?

Whatever you do, how you respond makes all the difference. Be direct, blunt and assertive to the source of the problem. Not easy or fun, but necessary. If that doesn't work, find out what does and approach it in a strategic, thoughtful and measured manner to resolve the problem quickly and efficiently. I used to get angry when I had to deal with other peoples problems but then I learned I just had to get better at dealing with them because they never go away.

Hope this helps.

I started working for a company that was contracted into another bigger company and we were maintenance as well as the company has their own maintenance group only men and my contracted in company was all women I started working and a man in maintenance saw me and liked what he saw he was singing Hot Pockets as he walked by me every time and I didn't think anything of it every day I worked with these woman I talked about my boyfriend this man continued to try to talk to me and the same as you I thought that he was trying to be friendly and I was trying to be friendly back he started to kind of hit on me and in front of my old co-workers He Slipped me a piece of paper with his Snapchat name on it I stupidly added him and he told me I had a nice phat ass. I told him thank you but I wasn't interested and I went to work the next day and told two of the girls about it and they told me he was married and had three children I didn't know any of that because he had taken his wedding ring off since I had shut him down he he gave me the cold shoulder and acted very butthurt so I thought I was going to be left alone little did I know that hit had very much hurt his ego he continued to sing Hot Pockets while he was around me and I was wearing a pair of workout leggings just like you and the man was walking behind me one day and the locker area and started making butt squishing noises at every step I took I was mortified and decided that myself I would confront him and I did I told him that it was rude and I was embarrassed by him making those comments at me and the I did not deserve to be treated that way he apologized and I walked away from him to my locker he followed me to my locker continuing to try and apologize as a compliance manager overheard all of this and stepped in between us and stopped everything that was happening I spoke to this manager in private and I told him everything that had happened and that I didn't want to create problems with either working environment and that I would not report this incident little did I know that he would be talked to and told to leave me alone a week after he continued making hot pocket comments and then the week after that as I was cleaning the floors he decided to stop the dirt off of his boots before he went into the locked off area of the building I had had enough and decided that I was going to make a report and I was going to tell them everything from the very beginning I was told by this company that there was nothing that they could do they would tell him to leave me alone again and that I could change my entire schedule so I would not be in as much of an area that he would be in but in the end there was nothing that the company could actually do about it please be very cautious of what you do outside of work things can go badly I put in my two weeks and they only let me work two days before they told me that they wouldn't need me anymore I made a mistake and I'm paying for it don't make the same mistakes

@Allikat tell your story, girl

I'm not attacking you. But this culture of putting ourselves (women) last in these matters makes me sick. Please try not to worry about "creating tension"! You did not create it. He did. You are only responding to his actions. None of this is your fault. You may tell me you don't feel it's your fault, but by your very statements, you're automatically feeling responsibilities for HIS BEHAVIOR. Ugh!!!
It's not up to you to make this all nice.....

Be polite but you must set the boundaries. Tell him his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and it is totally inappropriate in the workplace. YOU Have done nothing wrong at all but I know this situation still makes us women feel guilty. We women all know how he will react " oh I was only joking. Can't you take a joke?'. Then you say "well lets ask your wife how hilarious she finds it".
Maintain your dignity. He knows he is out of line.

Yikes....worked in the OR for almost 20 years and I've seen plenty of bad behavior. Usually doctors and nurses. Skipped the Christmas parties because we couldn't bring a date and the open bar was a recipe for Monday stories. Harassment was everywhere. Not OK. Today is a different day. My advice...you already told him strait that you are not interested.....F' off....he didn't listen...go to HR. Maybe that we prevent him from harassing a new nurse or tech who is less savvy in negotiating the social minefield we both know the OR often is....

I’d say you need to be direct. “I hate it if you somehow got the wrong impression but I’m not interested “.
If he makes an asshole remark about not being interested in you, tell him that’s a relief. If his behavior continues after you have directly addressed it, that’s harassment and should be reported following your chain of command.

I’m really sorry. I know how uncomfortable this can be.

A really good burn. "Your pants are gonna look great when your wife throws them into your yard after I tell her what you just said to me, bitch!"

***I am sorry that you are being sexually harassed at work...I talked my girls who have been in similar situations, and Wee think this character is taking advantage of your sensitive, kind nature...He has no concept of Love & Romance(he is sexual preditore ), and perhaps you ought to use social defense; and straight him ought since he is clearly violating your social boundaries.....Look him in the eye and say " you are not type - now back off, or I will take action "...Women who are shy and sensitive are often prayed upon by sexual aggressors who see your nature as a weakness... He has history with his sick, behavior problem.... .......I noticed you write and think well, and I would Love to, perhaps, have on going discussion with you because you are interesting....Have an awesome day/night.....Bye for now, Ron...

I would just be open n truthful and tell this person in no uncertain terms your beliefs preclude u from any relationship with a married person

Jeez.
Checking back when I find the post count has hit 100. And, it seems I'm the only one recommending a swift, and conclusive solution to this. Although @Kkgator comes pretty close. What the heck is wrong with you people? Be nice? Be "gentle"??? Someone should take this clod out to the parking lot and beat the tar out of him.

For you: document everything that has happened. Be prepared to tell all.
Talk to more than one person about this now.

Be clear: tell him to stop. Do this in front of someone you trust if he does not stop.

To understand him more: An interesting perspective about this: Esther Perel "the state of affairs - rethinking infidelity"
She maintains that the changes in marriage about 100 years ago, and the women's rights changes, haver resulted in insane expectations from having only one significant other. Hence, the number of happily married people exploring new types of relationships.

You don't have to be willing to put up with his unwonted attentions just to work with him. Ask yourself which you would prefer: putting up with his advances for the year(s) to come; or feeling the residual tension if you tell him that you wouldn't go out with him even if he wasn't married. Sometimes a stiff distance is better than a touchy-feely closeness on the job.

Politely tell him that you are not interested, that his attentions are making you uncomfortable and that he needs to restrict his behavior to activities and comments typical of casual work friend and coworkers. (Reasoning: one of the first questions is going to deal with how you responded to his comments and advances. If you haven’t told him “No!” Your case is weakened— even if it should not be.)

Keep that list up to date and current.
If you can, do that in text or email and save it. Save it it with a full list of actions(as you described them above as a start) with as much detail, date, place and time and witnesses, if any, as you can. (Reasoning: information, as noted, is important to making your case. Make it specific and contemporaneous.)

Save that info, etc. If he does not stop the behaviors that make you uncomfortable, politely tell him if they continue, that you will have no choice but to complain to your company.

If it occurs again, then, file a formal complaint with the appropriate magemrnt offici/officer.

Good luck.

Just say whats on your mind strait forwardly. You have the impression that he is hitting on you even if it is not what h intends, that you do not want him in your space, not interested in sharing personal information or closeness and tell him to keep an appropriate topic as working associates.

I would ask, very gently, why you've let it get this far already and why you don't know what to do about it. I don't want to suggest that you've done anything wrong. He is in the wrong. However, you have had the power to put a stop to his behavior at any point and you have chosen not to.

Consider this. The work environment is already tense. Who's feeling tense? You. He's the one who created a tense work environment, not you. Why do you feel reluctant to make it feel tense for him instead of for you?

His comment about your pants was inappropriate, not you wearing the pants. But instead of his comments ending, you wearing the pants ended.

Him asking you about going to the work party was inappropriate but again, instead of you insisting he change his behavior, your behavior changed.

Again I want to emphasize that you haven't done anything wrong. I've been where you are at and been unable to put an end to inappropriate behavior in others. There will always be people around you who are willing to push boundaries, men, women, and children. Even though they are the ones in the wrong, you still have to be the one who puts a stop to it. I've learned to do so and my life is so much better for it.

It's not a change you can make overnight but if you work at it, you can get to the point where when people do things like he's doing, you instantly shut it down. But you have to first know that it's okay for you to do that and that it's possible to get to that point if you work at it.

I'd like to also mention that his behavior is wrong whether he is married or not. His marriage makes it more offensive but even if he wasn't married, he's still being a creep. As you deal with this, don't make it about him being married.

Threaten to tell his wife publicly, if he doesn't stop, and if your employer doesn't
handle it to your satisfaction.
Print out all communications with him. Show him you have it (have copies in case he snatches what you show him--cover your ass).
Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, and not interfere with the
work environment, you will give his wife everything.

Get a lawyer and prepare to sue him and your employer. You might need to.
Especially since his behavior is effecting your work environment.
Who knows? He may have done the same thing to some of your coworkers.

When people start shit with others (bullies), they don't expect their victims to fight back. I don't believe in simply fighting back. That usually doesn't put a stop to it.
You have to come back with scorched earth. Blow up their world. They don't expect that.

STOP being nice to assholes. Ruin THEIR lives. They don't care about what
they do to yours.

I honestly don't understand why so many people are trying to be "nice" about this.
She didn't create the problem, HE did. Why should she be going out of her way to be "nice" about dealing with this?
That is EXACTLY why sexual harassment in the workplace has become such a huge problem.
STOP being "nice" about it. Make HIS life miserable. He's an asshole.

Tell him to stop and that you are friendly only in a work sort of way. Be firm but polite and then watch him like a hawk. Watch to see if he is going to lie on you or undermine you in any way. If he does, then you have to take this to a higher level and that is not always fun because it affects the work place situation. Some men take a hint. Others are total assholes.

My original comment was sent at 57 comments and counting... now it is 91. I don't know about this guy or how you will decide to manage going forward but boy, at least you should thank him for getting about a zillion points on this thread !!!

You can be nice, and straight forward at the same time. A simple "Please stop, you're making me uncomfortable," would be a good start. Any tension after that will be totally on him.

The fact that you're here asking means he's gone over the threshold. You are uncomfortable with the situation, and you should not have to put up with this situation to make a living. Forget the notion of not making this a big deal, forget the notion of hurting his feelings, your security in the work you do is critical. Tell him to back off or you will report him.

Inform him that what he is doing is legally classified as sexual harrassment, and there are policies in place concerning that behavior in the workplace. Futhermore, you respect his ability as a fellow nurse, but do not appreciate his "compliments", and if they don't cease you will be forced to lodge a harrassment complaint with HR.

Back in the day I handled this first by saying "I don't date co-workers". Period.

It later bit me in the ass with single co-workers. lol
But in today's work environment it's not a bad way to present it.

If it happens even once more? I'd say go to a superior. Frankly it's harassment. That's why companies have seminars.