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How do you handle when someone obviously lies to you?

RapidCityKelly 6 Nov 18
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27 comments

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6

Don't vote for them a second time. Some people never learn that lesson. In fact, being lied to seems to give some people orgasms.

6

Depends on the person, the subject matter, and the context.

And I suppose that in online dating context, I would probably not deal with them any further.

@KenChang What he said.

5

I have little patience with liars regardless of how large or small. I would rather here the truth and lies lead to more lies. I call them out.

4

It, I guess depends on the person. There have been some friends that I get along with well, but I know they tell some tall tales as it were, that I just smile and let it go.
Then there are some that I will call bullshit on, and have some great empiracal evidence to back up my calling them out.

I never quite understood why some people seem to favor making up shit rather than just having a truthful conversation.

4

If I can, I just shake my head, say, "Nope.", and walk away. No place in my life for a person who thinks so little of me to treat me like that

3

Depends on who that someone is and how and where they fit into my life.

3

I don't do lies. That's a one way ticket to "I don't know you." Plus, there is literally no reason to lie to me. I am ridiculously understanding.

2

If it's a significant other, here's what I did 8 months ago, after I caught him in his very last lie he would tell me. I simply instructed him to start being honest with me or say goodbye. He chose goodbye, which was fine with me. Honesty is important to me.

I knew it wasn't the first time he'd lied or omitted something important that would have affected our relationship. I didn't like being made a fool by him, unknowingly accepting behavior from him that I didn't even know about, because he kept me in the dark about all his misdeeds. I told him that if he could just be honest with me, I could make the choice to stay with him or not, but by lying to me, he was keeping information from me which would help me make my choice. As it was, I was only with him based on lies that other people likely knew about, but I was blocked from knowing. How is that satisfying, unless he got his jollies by lying to women and playing us for fools, for his own amusement.

If someone can't be honest with me (and like @Minta79, I'm ridiculously understanding) then they don't deserve to be in my life.

@RapidCityKelly Just ask? Confront? Give a chance to clarify?

In my case, I suspected he was lying to me, but every time I wanted to clarify, he would refuse to talk about it and leave. I eventually learned some truths about things he had lied about, and confronted him, asking why he lied, why not just tell me the truth? Seems he'd rather have his secrets than a relationship with me.

I secretly think it was a game he played with women to see how many lies he could get away with, as a way of exerting control. I was a pretty good challenge, since I proclaimed to not be gullible. However, I do like to assume the best in a person until they prove otherwise. He proved himself to be dishonest. He's gone.

2

How much I do depends on the person and situation. But what I always do is not trust them in the future.

2

Depends how the lie affects me. I won't tolerate cheating, though.

2

Depends upon whom and about what. One constant, however, is that my response will never be pleasant.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 18, 2018
2

Add that knowledge the the profile representing your understanding of who he/she/they are for am better image to accurately evaluate the merit of that person/s. If you are asking if you should impose a vindictive countermeasure, In most cases no. depending on the scenario, I see nothing wrong with calling him/her/them out and exposing your knowledge that their assertion is a lie.

1

Call them out,if they want to deny, I say goodbye, and yes, I said it that way on purpose.

1

Keeping in mind that I place little value on working to keep people in my life.

I say, "If all you're going to do is lie, quit talking to me."

1

I depends on:

  • the context
  • who the liar is?
  • do I have strong evidence that this is a pattern of behavior?
  • what relationship do we have, if any, and is that relationship important for me to maintain?
  • how sure am I that they are lying?
  • what is the impact of the lie, if any?

dating:

  • before we've met, I confront, ask why they lied, and listen. 98% chance I'm done with them
  • After we've met, if they cheated,100% sure I'm done. If it doesn't have to do with our relationship it depends on the specifics.
    work:
  • if they are a direct report, I'd take them in my office and confront them about it. Depending on that I'd talk to HR, put them on a PIP, or fire them.
  • If I work for them directly, I'd say when you said X, I know that is not true, did you know that?
  • And so on...
1

impeach them

lerlo Level 8 Nov 18, 2018

If only.....

1

If the lie is about something involving me or them or our relationship, I confront the shit out of them and then, if they don't aplogize and own up to it, I cut ties. If it was an online dating situation, I would still confront them and then move on no matter what the response.

0

Usually phase them out..

0

My wife lies about little things all the time. I know she does it because she doesn't want a confrontation with me. She knows how I feel about spending money, so she hides clothes or shoes or bags she buys from me and then lies when I notice them "Oh, this old rag? I've had it for years!" I don't say anything because the lies don't hurt me or the relationship.

0

Depends on a lot of things.

0

Depends who it is. If it is someone who matters to you, you need to call them out on it. If it is not resolved, there will be no chance of trusting them again.

0

I base the reaction off the intent of the lie. If it was malicious intent, hostile calling out. If there was no malicious intent, then there is no reason to care.

@RapidCityKelly If their reason isn't malicious or manipulative, chances are it is a lie covering for some kind of embarrassment or deep-seated insecurity. Or they're trying to spare your feelings. It really comes down to if it is someone you trust or not. If you trust them as a person, their innate intentions, then let it go. If you don't, the choices are to ignore it but never forget, or confrontation.
Demanding that everyone tell you the truth all the time, means you don't actually trust anyone.

0

A lot of my work is political, so I come across this fairly often. I've gotten better on calling BS on people, but HOW depends on the situation: bluntly, diplomatically, or -- my favorite -- served with a double dose of sarcasm.

0

I try to give the benefit of doubt - but I never forget and will throw it in your face if it happens again.

0

Not well!!

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