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Help! I need advice. I found someone on here I really like, but he's married. I've been reading his posts and he's such a great guy. I saw him comment this morning that he hates liars, so dating him or asking him to date is out of the question. How can I show him I like him and want to be with him, without offending his wife or his sensibilities?

nixjoiner 4 Feb 13
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22 comments

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13

I've got to say that is one of the most selfish and immature post I have ever read. if you thought very much of this feller, as opposed to your own feelings, you would move on.

12

How about being a person with some integrity and morals and not pursuing this married man?

11

"How can I show him I like him and want to be with him, without offending his wife or his sensibilities?

You can't. Just stop.

What part of "he's married" do you not understand? Or do you just not respect other people's relationships?

How is any of that remotely honest, or honorable?
If you know he hates liars, why would you try to make him one?

U r better better person than me . The cuntasaurus in me has much more to say . FTS

@Pralina1 Oh, I am SO not better. I Promise!!!! LOL
I was exercising every adult muscle I own.
I really wanted to make a very serious point, that might be heard, and
probably wouldn't if I used language like I would normally in such a situation.

9

Why would you think anyone would want to help cause trouble in a marriage??!! Get some counseling!

8

R u retarded or m I stupid ?
" found someone " means u BOTH into . Is he into u here while he is married ? If yes , congrats , u found your self an asshole , and personally don't care .
If he is not in any ways involved w u here and just a married guy who u like , and who u consider burden w your " feelings ", what can I say , having an eye for other women s men is who u are , your life , your choices . In order to answer your question for " advice " thou , : integrity and self respect weights much more in a scale than vagina .

7

No do not do this. Please don't. I was the wife and it almost destroyed me. Please stay clear.

7

DON'T. Plenty single guys in the world, you don't need to mess up other people.

4

Seriously? You're questioning this? If he hates liars, then he isn't likely to lie to his wife. Have you never heard the axiom: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? Would you want someone doing this to you?

I'm sorry, but you know the answer here. You know better. Do what's RIGHT. You shouldn't need any of us telling you that.

4

I agree with (most of) the other people who have commented here: just don't.

If you can settle for being friends with him, continue talking to him but never let him know you'd like there to be more. If you can't settle for that, back away and leave him be. The only thing that will come of it if you tell him is pain; for you if he's a good man and true to his wife, or for his wife if he isn't.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 13, 2019
4

Accept that you can't do those last sentence questions. If he lists open to meeting women, he is willing to cheat on his wife. Just remember, if he is so inclined it won't stop with her. And, if he is not looking, why place him in a situation? Some good advice below.

If his profile says that he's open to meeting women, and he's married, and he states that he hates liars, he's a damnable hypocrite, and needs to be given a wide berth.
I have a feeling this person is manufacturing an attraction in her own head and is making nothing but trouble for herself, than will only end in heartache.

3

Just no. Stop.

3

Just don't. There are literally MILLIONS of other, single, available people out there that you could try to engage with and form a connection. Leave married people alone ?
Secondly, you refer to this person as male, so what happened to you being a lesbian? ? I recall your other posts on that topic - has that changed?

I think I'm not alone in thinking this is a troll, scammer or catfisher.

@BlueWave nope... I'm with you!

3

you can't. he's married and apparently not available. you can't be with him. if you keep thinking about it you'll obsess, and whom does that help? and how great a guy would he be if he cheated on his wife?

g

3

I agree with others here. Just don’t do it. Just be friends. There are so many others here who are looking.

2

You don't.

1

You can't avoid issues unless his wife permits him to forage. What does this say about you that you would engage a married man in reneging on his stupid vows? Get her permission & its all good. If not he is a scum bag & not so great if he is deceiving his spouse. Move on.

1

Give up, married men is not a good idea.

1

If he states he is in an open or poly marriage? Sure.

Otherwise? No. But those are my beliefs - not yours.

Sounds like you needed to get it off your chest maybe?

1

Hey.....I like you....and I am not responsible for how you, your better half, your mother, or brother accepts, or not. Just expressing myself.

0

So, @nixjoiner, what did you decide to do?

0

To be clear, how do you KNOW he is such a great guy?? I have found that people can devise online personas where they are this awesome loving nice guy, but in reality, they are not the nice guy their persona would have you believe. Is it not possible that you have fallen for his online presence/persona and the idea you have of him as a person? Rather than the undoubtedly flawed human being (all humans are flawed) that he is? Food for thought @nixjoiner

0

Is he looking for new friends? Does he wife that his wife knows about his participation with site such as agnostic.com?

The reality is most people become partners with someone they already know. Consequently, it behooves us to constantly be open to learning new ideas, and meeting new people.

I have a couple of close women friends. Regular long lunches and conversations. And via my work, and my wife's work, I know lots of women. A couple of whom I would entertain a closer relationship if we were both unencumbered. But that could change given how life changes momentarily.

So, I think it is reasonable to engage in conversations, public and private, to further learn if an other is of interest. We don't know what the future will bring.

Oh yeah, my wife has many male friends. It would be wrong from either of us to be jealous and suppressive. Either of us, as with everyone, can fall over at any moment. It is reasonable to prepare for the inevitable bits of life..

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