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Rant: As a society, we have socialized women to be in constant competition with other women. This permeates our lives so much, that often you can see supposed "body positive" women demanding they and their bodies be loved and accepted, while at the same time shitting on other women, be it for their body type, age, etc. Are you even genuinely a body positive person if you need to prop up yourself and your insecurities by denigrating other women? It is entirely possible to talk positively and lift up oneself or other women, without tearing other women down in the same process. I tend to see this from curvy or overweight women against slim women (ie Real women have curves) and from old(er) women against young(er) women. It is quite hypocritical and reveals their hypocrisy as well as their toxic insecurities and low self-esteem. Some introspection and internal work is necessary to overcome this internalized misogyny.

demifeministgal 8 Apr 23
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This is why I do not have many female friends because spending my time denigrating other women for whatever reason does not appeal to me.

I have mentioned before that we girls were raised to be part of a competition with the best boy as the presumptive prize. I didn't want to win the best boy; I wanted to beat him lol

No, not all women are like the OP describes because I am not like that but I absolutely agree with her that this is how we were/are being raised.

It's becoming a bit less common as more of us raise our daughters to be the doctor rather than marry the doctor but I see it still happening with my granddaughter's generation.

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By the way, media depictions are a part of our socialization, since people keep referencing media depictions. It is why there is an urge for better representation and more representation because research has demonstrated how beneficial representation and detrimental lack of representation, can be on developing minds/kids.

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Thanks for your replies everyone. Just a reminder although your experiences may vary or deviate from the norm or trends, they do not equal evidence. just because y'all have never seen it or experienced it, does not mean it does not happen. I think we need to separate anecdotes from statistical trends, personally.

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I haven't be socialized in this way... I have many close girlfriends from childhood in many shapes and sizes .. it's actually mostly men who I've personally seen this from... And I agree with the previous comments that it's mostly from television shows... Which is mostly controlled by men who want higher ratings... Then people begin to emulate these behaviors on television... So, basically, it's generally men responsible for all of this...

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i am a curvy older woman and i have never done such a thing, nor experienced such a thing, frankly. i see it on tv, where it appears to be a myth perpetuated to make us think this is how women not only do but should behave. in real life i have never seen it. moreover, when curvy women say that real women have curves, it is like black lives matter. it is a counter to prejudice AGAINST curvy women. i have actually been discriminated against for being overweight (and the discrimination started when i was just a little bit overweight, too). i have also been discriminated against for being older. i have not turned around and discriminated against younger or slimmer women. i HAVE on occasion seen women presented, for example on tv or in magazine ads, as being beautiful when in fact to me they look anorexic, or like holocaust victims. when i see such things, i may express what i think about what i have seen. this is NOT the same thing as being in constant competition with other women, or being hypocritical or even insecure. there are women who have internalized misogyny; i have not experienced, in real life, the examples of it you mention. real women are supportive, or not, of other women, based on their individual qualities, not based on their being women.

g

I would say that analogy is not a good one. Black lives matter is saying that black lives matter AS WELL or in addition to other lives. If they had come out and said something like black lives are more than other lives that would be problematic. Wording matters and the real women have curves thing is crap because it implies that women that do not have curves, some of which may have health issues/problems causing the lack of curves, are not "real women". Plus it reduces women down to nothing but our tits and asses. I think the discrimination does need to be addressed and combated but the execution that was used was crappy and alienating. They need to try again.

@demifeministgal okay, you say you see it, but i can't say i see it when i really don't. i mean, i DO... but as i say, only in fiction. in real life i have not encountered it, either as a recipient or an observer, and i certain am not a perpetrator. in defense of real women have curves, i have ONLY seen it used in self-defense, even in fiction, not randomly attacking some skinny woman but defending oneself when someone (be s/he male or female) attacks the curvy woman.

g

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Yes, I agree. As a slim woman, I often see this. Also that we are thin out of some sort of conformism or attempt to please a man rather than, perhaps, a desire to be fit.

Or rather, than because we have fast metabolism genes, are naturally petite or have health conditions causing the thinness.

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I saw a great line from a comedian. Two guys dress exactly the same, they will give each other the thumbs up, then high-fives. Two women dress up exactly the same, they think "That Bitch!" then pretend not to see the other all night long. 🙂

BD66 Level 8 Apr 23, 2019

yeah but you know what? that only happens on tv and in movies and from the mouths of comedians. in real life, if two women meet and find they're wearing the same dress, they laugh and maybe hang out together. tv and movies and comedians have given us a blueprint we don't necessarily follow.

g

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Depends on the groups you hang with...I have always had very supportive and encouraging female friends...if there was competition, it was a friendly one to get promoted at work and never about a man (or woman)...I think a lot of the mindless tv wants to promote this animosity among women...it makes for good ratings and market share. In real life, except for the socially young, perhaps not quite mature, most women do support each other....that has been my experience. I think it might be more prevalent in the less educated rather than an age group...believe me, as an older woman, I have never felt in competition with thinner, younger woman...they have their own stuff to deal with that is different from ours...I will fight you for the last true red lipstick, maybe...

I feel supported as well. I work with mostly women. I'm a teacher. I too have had great experiences. Cheers to you!

@rcc0780 Awesome! I am often sad to hear of stories that seem to support this type of cat-fighting among women...of course, the negative stories are juicer than the positive ones...women who are supported, like you and me are, need to speak of our experiences louder than those who might feel degraded or abused by other women...I do think we are the majority.

No competition necessary! I don't care for lipstick. You can have it! 😉

@thinktwice we actually NEED to talk about the problematic issues more because in order to correct a problem/issue, we must identify and acknowledge it first. That's why such things need to be discussed so that one day they cease to exist.

@demifeministgal Of course I agree that in order to solve a problem, it has to be identified and addressed accordingly. However, I still maintain that a lot of the strife is manufactured by media and online drama queens. Sometimes the best way to deal with that is not to buy into the hype and not give the offender the attention she craves. It appears to be more of a personality manifestation rather than a societal one with many more stories of support, encouragement, and assistance from other women than degrading and undermining. Those who perpetuate this behavior are not inclined to be educated to solve it...

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It's called obeying the rules of debate. Debating, not arguing. Attacking the issues, not the person.

There's the lowest (below-the-belt) "hits"...name calling.

The second level - not much better - the polite but obvious "mine's better than yours" or "mine works, yours doesn't"...

It's called...ad Hominem - in Latin -attacking the character ("at the person" ) rather than the issue.

I keep these rules on my desktop....and refer to them often. You're invited to do so if you find them useful...

@Allamanda I'm here because A.com is a lot like FB...only the folks debate much more maturely. I'm guessing there's a far high level of education here. I saved this pyramid on my desktop and will share it whenever I see anyone hitting "below the belt"....thanks for your support!

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the west is all about competition. I find it disturbing that a society professing to be egalitarian also says that we should each strive to be better than the other guy.

Not all of us out here in the West compete. It just depends on the crowd. My lady friends, are my soldiers.

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The fear,of once finding a Man(in Womens sense) for them,and then losing them to another younger,more attractive Woman, permeates all relationships,we all age,wrinkles ,sags, lose of muscle tone, and age spots,this fuels the multi Billion Dollar Cosmetic industries. Competition among Males for Females is almost as bad,especially in the age groups.

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Do we?

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