I'm new here and I right now I'm going through a "deconversion" period. I was raised as a Catholic but then started going to evangelical church after disagreeing with a few things. It was everything cool for a few months. My best friend invited me to his church, the people there cared about me (something that didn't happen in the catholic church) and I was praying more than ever, really into the christian faith.
All my world view was based on the bible. But then things started to change. I'm gay and the more I prayed, stronger my sexuality became, I even started having feelings for this best friend of mine. I prayed so much and I felt dirty every time I had fantasies about this guy.
Months passed and I started researching out of the religion, reading atheist's testimonies and stuff. I can say there was something different in me. Like a discomfort or an intuition telling there's something wrong. I left the church to forget about this friend, but I still considered myself a christian.
Until I talked to a friend of mine who's agnostic. For the first time I felt understood and free. I didn't feel that bad for questioning my religion and the bible that shows two different gods. I realized that I didn't want to glorify a God who made me the way I am just to throw me in hell, who wants people to suffer just so they can look for him. Where is God in the mist of all despair? There's probably an answer for that. I don't know.
Right now I can't call myself an atheist because I do believe there's a God, but a different one. Maybe religion got it all wrong, I don't know. Or maybe there's none. I just wanted to get this off my chest and see if people had similar experiences. Are you going through that? How you overcame all this? Sorry for the long post and any kind of grammatical error.