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People always ask why my ex and I broke up and I always say that it’s because I stopped believing in god and he couldn’t handle it. Then they ask why I stopped believing in god. I hate answering that question. Why do I need a reason? Maybe I should start asking the why they DO believe. I don’t know. What do you think?

LisaL81 7 May 3
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65 comments (51 - 65)

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1

I had just the opposite. My ex went to JW school.

1

Yes, do ask why they do believe, and ask it genuinely.

I personally think we have a duty as open nonbelievers to put a good impression of nonbelievers out there. So I think answering their questions, which usually lasts only a couple of minutes is a good thing. We are usually the first impressions of a non-believer they may have, so we need to show we are still happy, logical, good individuals. To me "Should I have a reason?" would indicate to a believer that you decided on a whim, that you didn't give it serious thought - as if it were fashionable or a phase, something to try out.

Let's face facts: there's always a reason for believing or disbelieving. It may not be one thing, it may not be logical, it may not be clear, it may be intensely personal, but there is always a reason. I think being as honest and open about that is helpful.

However, it depends on who's asking, so there are three types of responses I typically give: 1) the negative ( "It's personal." ); 2) The Simple Truth itself ("Because God doesn't exist." which can go down a rabbit hole) or 3) Interrogative ("Why do you still believe?" )

I prefer the third approach, because it shifts focus off of me and on to them, and it prompts them to verbalize their own beliefs, and often leads them to critically think about what they believe. I ask respectful questions, and once they understand my position (e.g. "I think religious texts are fictions created by humans, so why believe it?" ) they are often satisfied.

In the end I've maintained respectful friendships, and see them on a daily or weekly basis. I feel it's important to show that we are ordinary, good citizens. It's not fair, but that's the burden. And remember: religious folks build their reputation on a grand scale and put a lot of effort into it. We should do the same. I want the reputation of atheists to be "trustworthy" "good" "helpful" ""kind" "compassionate" "nice" "honorable" ...basically the "they're good people" label, and it's something I strive to achieve when people find out I'm not a believer.

1

It’s a big deal for people ,when some break away from the flock . It is so heavily engrained in our psyche that it truly does baffle people.

1

It's none of their business so why answer them at all? If someone asks you a personal question, just say, "Why do you ask?" then change the subject. If they persist, look bored, and leave the room as though you remembered something you have to do.

1

He had an affair with an imaginary partner and tried to get a threesome going. Now I hate both of them!

Nardi Level 7 May 3, 2019
1

As we mature, we learn to be more critical of what people tell us is true and more demanding of concrete proof. One by one, the fictions of our childhood drop away: the Tooth Fairy, Monsters under the Bed, Santa Claus, and finally, an anthropomorphic God who loves us while dumping one calamity after another on us. We all go through that process, though at different rates. Some of us never grow up. Maybe your ex is one of those.

1

welcome. glad you are here.

1

I agree but try asking them and see what they say.

Once I had an intimate partner and we took a step back (too far too fast - now after 20+ years we are still great friends). Her name was Jill and we tell people we broke up because we got tired of all the Jack and Jill comments (there were a lot). Also, she grew up in Boston and her father was a ship designer and her whole life was about boats. I didn't have a boat and that was another reason. Her present husband has a 37' sailboat and they spend the summers sailing the Salish Sea.

1

I think the best reason to lose your faith is because you found something better: Reason.

Being evidence based is more reliable than being faith based. Faith is believing in things without evidence or even if there is more evidence to the contrary you believe anyway. This is illogical!

You can tell them that.

0

If asked why you no longer believe in god: He confessed he's a phone and told me to stop believing him. And the word of God is truth, so I stopped.

0

I do ask people why they believe in god if they ask me why I do not.

0

In other words you grew up and he refused to even consider the idea.... Religion is the great divider I congratulate you on growing up it is a difficult choice to follow your head into reality rather than remaining in a comfortable darkness....
Maybe it was the date that helped you figure it all out... Or it could have been the bullshit about a 6 foot tall rabbit delivering colored eggs....

It’s also the year Easter fell on April Fools’ Day. Lol

@LisaL81 Karma's way of letting you know that religion is a joke... I just wish I could find a nice intelligent atheist to settle down with Christians are delusional and annoying...

0

Is a tough position. I've been asked that same question. My answer..I just don't believe. Nothing has ever happened to convince me otherwise and it just doesn't make sense to me to give credit for things I don't understand to a "God" just because we haven't figured it out yet. I've had alot of discussions about religion .. there is never a real solution .. people think you're wrong or right. Is up to you if you care about what someone else thinks out your beliefs.

0

Unfortunately there are billions who are still brainwashed, while those who opened their eyes are a small fraction, so chances are you will continue hearing that question. The way I would answer is short and simple and to the point: " because I finally opened my eyes to reason, logic, common sense and evidence."

0

Is this about sudden disbelief in a promoted version of a god?

iulla Level 2 May 3, 2019
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