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I've shared before that my ex and I broke up because after 14 years of marriage I decided that I didn't believe in God and he couldn't handle it. More specifically, I couldn't handle the anger he had toward me after I told him. I was willing to keep letting him teach the kids creation, I was willing to keep attending church, and I was willing to never study evolution in his presence. I'd say I made quite the effort. Yet after a year of separation he still blames me for the breakup because I wouldn't just tell him that I changed my mind about God and pretend to be a Christian so that we could keep our family together. That I sacrificed my marriage to be an atheist. Is it just me or is that really fucked up logic?

LisaL81 7 May 16
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52 comments

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0

Forman "Why aren't you working?"
Worker "There is no work to do"
"Why can`t you just pretend that you're working then?"
"Why can't you just pretend that you've seen me working then?"

Number 3 on the list is I think is "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” What could be more blasphemous than lying not only to your family but to god as well? To be fair you went far further down the road of paying lip service to his bollocks than anyone had the right to expect.
Unfortunately, this is not the only case of this sort to be posted on here. It seems that the veneer of Christianity seems more important than actual belief.
The best thing is to be true to yourself and teach your children to do the same. If they end up believing or not, it will be their choice and not something imposed upon them for the sake of appearances.

10

You definitely do not want to be with anyone who is angry because you told the truth. His hapiness was dependent on you living a lie in misery.

What you did was courageous.

SCal Level 7 May 16, 2019
7

It sounds like Christian logic to me. Start with passive aggression, move to overt hostility, and then play the victim. You denied him the freedom to force his religion on you. I hope you quickly move to that point were you realize how much better life is without the guilt and oppression.

JimG Level 8 May 16, 2019
6

Quite an abusive way of thinking. You don't deserve that. Take good care of yourself and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you really are.

6

This is the problem with religion. It teaches men that they should have control over their wives, and that the wife is supposed to do as he says. Bravo for you standing up for yourself and speaking your truth.

5

It is a good thing that people can evolve and grow... He wasn't willing to accept you for who you are. If you had decided to stay in the marriage and live your life simply to appease his desires IMHO you would have hated yourself.

You did the right thing... He doesn't respect you nor truly love you. You are better off living your life free from his controlling ways.

5

Good for you -- enjoy the fresh air and freedom!

4

No, HE sacrificed the marriage for his unfounded belief in a bronze age mythology started by a bunch of hill dwelling goat herders. It is equivalent to him ending the marriage because you refuse to believe in fairies, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or an invisible friend.

As an aside, I've often wondered why so many "Christians" react with anger, hatred, and hostility once they learn you don't share their delusion. What is the point in getting angry and nasty about it? And doesn't it just prove how unstable their whole fantasy really is?

It sucks losing a 14-year marriage, but in the long run, you will be so much better off without someone who hates you because of his religion. Take some time, heal yourself, and move on. You will find someone to really connect with who won't place such unreasonable expectations on you. Hang in there, you did nothing wrong.

4

It sounds as if you bent over backwards to be accommodating, but it wasn't enough; you challenged his manhood by not letting him control your mind. This is really good reason to be rid of him. The only time I ever broke up with a guy was when he was not only a religious fruitcake, but insisted that I become one too, heart and soul. (The other hundred times, it was the guy that dumped me.)

4

You are going to be alright Lisa, you are amongst friends.

4

It's not even "logic". It's just fucked up.

It's not you.

Personally, I wouldn't allow him to keep teaching my kids that garbage, and I
wouldn't allow him to make them go to church.
But, that's just me.
I've been an atheist all my life.

4

Sounds like a control issue there, irrespective of your beliefs. He didn't like you thinking for yourself.

Tilia Level 7 May 16, 2019
3

Faith is the opposite of logic, so it's not a surprise that he can't break away from his mentality of blaming you. He's the one who had more of an influence of you two breaking up because he is a lot more stringent in his beliefs.

3

Instead of accepting that a spouse has a choice to their own beliefs he turned it into a control issue. I'm sure this was evident in many areas of the relationship. The issue is not you being an athiest it really is the right to your own thoughts and decisions.
Hope all goes well. Take Care.

3

There is nothing wrong with your decision and it would seem that he values his beliefs more than you, therefore, logic does not really come into the picture as far as he is concerned.

It is so much in the nature of a belief that it shapes the individual's perception of the world and his or her sense of identity or meaning derived therefrom that people are willing to die for their beliefs rather than entertain the notion that their beliefs could be wrong.

3
3

One cannot force another to believe as he or she does, and should never try to.

3

What led you to believe he would have changed his mind in the last year? He will probably always hold on to some version of that lie. It will be you who moves on and learns not to give a shit about what he thinks. ❀

3

By that same logic, he sacrificed your marriage with his inability to accept any belief that didn't match his own.

Dew25 Level 7 May 16, 2019
3

No, he sacrificed the marriage because of his weak faith. Yes, his "logic" is messed up.

2

It would be hard to live in a house divided...unless both parties can allow the other person to hold their truth, without taking it on as a personal affront to themselves! I think our beliefs govern how we live our life, not dictate our every thought and action! If two partners can have a common purpose to support each person’s individualality that makes up that unit, then having different religious beliefs would not be the bargaining chip, that holds people together. Each person’s humanity would be the guiding force. This is hard to accomplish, if prior ground work has not been laid out! Your situation if far from uncommon in this present age...we can struggle with adult children who have developed completely different views about religion or lack there of! It is not an easy struggle...so we choose the best route that we can work with and go from there. Best of luck!

2

It's fucked up logic. why should you kowtow to his beliefs if you do not hold the same philosophy? If he loved you for you, he would accept your a-theist position and move on.

2

It is definitely not you. I would not listen to what he is saying, he needs help. My ex joined an Indian cult, one where they have to be celibate. I also had nothing against him going there, meditating, helping out but I drew the line about the celibacy. And when I asked him what he was going to do about that he said that he would "ease" me into it. What so he was thinking that I was not going to notice that hey suddenly there is no sex. Stupid twatt. No way am I ever going to be together with anybody who places someone or something else before me or our relationship.

2

Glad you escaped that hell.

2

If he signed the divorce papers, then he is equally responsible.

I'd be scared for your kids though. Get custody.

2

An angry Christian. Now there is a surprise! 😎 you really can not live your life by his standards, or pressures. It’s unfortunate that children are part of the equation as they get very confused. I wish you well and do hope the negativity abates over time. πŸ€—

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