What are your best comebacks/quips when someone asks a question or makes a statement that is just a little too familiar?
For example, last week a coworker had to mention that I was wearing make up (a rarity due to allergies). Not feeling particularly chatty (too much blood in my caffeine system) I told her, "well you know, kinda like putting a new coat of paint on an old whore house...ah...haunted house I mean...(long pause) fruedian slip." & walked away.
Today a coworker asked if I was ok since it looked like I had lost weight (down 40 pounds). Its no secret, I've changed my eating habits & I'm in the gym often but said, "yeah, I'm working on it."
She asks "how much have you lost?", a statement I have found which does not lead anywhere good.
Me: "265 pounds if you count my ex." Convo over.
Have you found coming back with a bit of a joke stops people from heading down the wrong conversational path better than blunt refusals?
I try to be funny. a lot of times people don’t get my humour. Ican be an aquired taste.
I tend toward sarcasm with those I am closest to since they get my sense of humor. My latest quip to be hit or miss is calling 45 "president Dunning-Kruger". If they know what dunning-kruger effect is, its hysterical.
Im almost horrified to admit this, and not intending to insult anyone, but without exception, every single comment I just read was cringeworthy at best. I mean a couple were ok....maybe.. in the early 90's? Cmon people!! If someone asks an inappropriate question (and I do not consider asking about weight loss inappropriate, I consider it a compliment) then feed into the morbid fantasy of the human species, why not?? But instead of saying, yep about 40 lbs! Then walking away while casually mentioning, thanks for noticing! To say, yeah about 265, cause this deadbeat dude aint on my hip etcetc. I know its not an exact quote but thats the impression left by such answers.
Look I know its awkward as fuck right now and I feel it myself how much of an asshole im coming off as so ill extend an olive branch. I understand the desire to avoid the feeling of being trapped and the intuition of knowing, "where this conversation is headed." I just don't know if this attitude is always the right way to look at these instances. Im trying to pick my words graciously here, but I simply can not express this sentiment as deeply and as impactfully as I feel it is necessary for others to really grasp the depth to which this is the truth... and that is, in our individual realities, we are, each of us, and in our own ways, the stars of the show. I can see you, (you reading this) are a human being, you have a nose, right. I can not see how complex and brilliant your mind is. People arent asking questions of each other to find out how much weight youve lost. They are asking questions to show you how well they pay attention to something theyve literally spent about 3 seconds thinking about in their entire life, on a subject youve likely been thinking about for a minimum of a couple months if not a lifetime. So to get an admittedly quick witted response to a question that is illposed in the first place doesnt end conversation due to this mind bending wit of yours. It ends conversation because the assumption to begin with, is not only false, but it fails to recognize the actual point being raised, that I noticed you.
In the instances I specifically reference, these are not friends, these are office gossips & pot stirrers who are looking for more grist for the rumor mill. I don't suffer fools lightly but i do give them benefit of the doubt. Liars & pot stirrers with their malicious intent get the sharp side of my tongue & can kick rocks.
I LIVE to control the conversation with humor, and, depending on the company, I can be quite "inappropriate". I can't do it on demand, though, it is just spontaneous combustible banter.
Them: What are you up to?
Me: About 5'9" I'm pretty much average.
I am known to tell people that "I am a single mom--with different plumbing." The reason for that is telling them I am a single dad just doesn't paint the proper picture in their minds. They assume a single dad sees their kid(s) on the weekend and dutifully (or not) pay child support. Nope. Single mom. 24/7.
Whenever someone wants me to "Come round and just rub my tits all over them." I promise to leave them one in my will then they can do with it what they like. I must admit I'd have to be a sow to keep all those promises.
Maybe you were Venus of a Thousand Breasts in a past life?
@ailurophile And they've just been amalgamated into two in this life?
@Kimba Ha! Of course.
What are you doing this weekend? Mainly minding my own business.
I opt for being blunt...I have a friend who calls me BFT (blunt force trauma) on a regular basis. But on occasion, I will comeback with something witty and humorous. #nottakinganyonesshit #tothepoint #crymeariver
My dad used to reply to questions like this by asking "why? are you writing a book?" And if the answer was yes he'd say "then leave that chapter out." I have found that asking why they want to know usually makes someone think about what they have asked.
And one advantage to having some hearing issues is simply to ask for the question to be repeated. The questioner has the opportunity to withdraw and everyone saves face.
Member of management: I notice you take vacation on halloween, do you practice witchcraft?
Me: Your're not allowed to ask me that
Spent several years being amused by his fear.
I take a vacation that week every year, when I am asked about it I come back with "it takes time to catch enough cats to sacrifice to Satan" and usually I get a weird look feom them and they stop talking to me
Jerk: god you're such a fatass bet you own stock in mcdonalds
Me: I can always lose weight, but you'll always have a tiny dick
I get this one all the time; " Wow are you ever tall." My answer usually goes; "I hadn't noticed, I just thought you were really short."
I don't put any weight into things people say about me. It makes these responses unnecessary.
"Do you play basketball?"
"No, are you a jockey?"
I work in the service industry and get called a "mother fucker" more that you'd expect for northern Utah. Back when I was still married I'd point to my wedding ring and say "yeah I am". Usually shut them up pretty good. ?