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The more I date the more I am disappointed. And the more I am disappointed the more I learn I must keep going, as I did not try this long for nothing. Im learning to move on...when he doesn't call for three days after initially expressing alot of interest. Im learning to move on after he displays a side of his character that is objectifying, narcissistic, or lacking empathy. Im learning to move on after 6 months of dating and replaying the same conflicts over and over. Im ready to move on after 5 years of marriage when I finally give up in an exhausted sigh of defeat...my one real love dissolved to nothingness. I get up and I move on. I meet someone new. I try again and again and again. Because to give up I have already failed, but if I keep trying and keep believing there's always the chance someone will stick and all this effort will not have been pointless.

Lauraleigh39 6 July 6
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61 comments

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15

Failed because you moved on? Hello? That is success. Failure is sticking in a relationship that isn't beneficial for you.

9

Love is like trying to really know someone you really like.

We have all been heart broken and are hoping for more heart breaks in the year to come.
Never stop loving,you heal by crying and loving another.
I wish you well in your next.

9

When you feel sad, hurt or discouraged, take a break from meeting men.

I learned not to get twitterpated over a man before meeting.

Apart from getting my former mother-in-law sloshed on White Russians, the quickest and best way to ruin the good and fun times is to load them up with expectations in advance.

My friend Amy was a great support after absurd or disastrous dates. On the phone, we flushed our toilets in unison, visualizing the jerk swirling down the drain. Laughter heals.

"Twitterpated" LOL I like that

@TheoryNumber3

Reminds me of Tweety Bird.

Expectations can certainly be implicated in killing many relationships.

8

Good luck. It isn't easy. I do think it takes time to really know someone as I think many people put on the glossy veneer when they first start dating. And truthfully I always ask myself what was my role in the balloon losing its helium. Sometimes I am way too accommodating. Also my rule of thumb is that if I am supposing I am seeing someone on the weekend and he hasn't called by Friday morning with plans I make my own that do not include him.

8

for me, things have to begin at friendship. Expectations often have to be checked at the door, which is a lot easier said than done. the tendency we sometimes have to try to make something from something that it is not destroys it's chance to grow into something better than we expected. Preconceptions about relationships are seldom realistic or healthy. peace.

8

Find things that are interesting and fun for you . Make your own life as marvelous as you can possibly do . Waiting for Mr. Right , gets old , and chances are , you'll find a lot of frogs , remain frogs . If , on the other hand , you make your life interesting for you , others will find you are an interesting person . I can go a lot of places , and no one will even take a second glance in my direction . But if I put my dragon head on my scooter , not only do people want to talk to me , but they ask if they can take a picture , or join me in a photo . Gets lots of hugs that way . Last time I did this , I went to the court house to renew my license plates . Police man was holding the door for me ,before I actually reached it . His buddy took a photo of the three of us (dragon , him , and me ) . He attentively answered my questions , got a map for me , and told me where to go , and held the door again so I could leave the building . He said I was the most interesting person he'd met in the 17 years he's worked there.

7

Same. I often wonder if it is something about me, who I attract, who I am attracted to something. Whatever it is dating seems like a futile effort lately.

I’m still struggling with wondering if there’s just something fundamentally “wrong” with me that I’m just not lovable

@Marcie1974 no there's not i think it's our culture and society, etc. Im trying to learn to be happy alone in the present but it's hard for me too.

@Lauraleigh39 for me I’ll think the way I mentioned because there so, so little effort my ex would have had to put in for me to have stayed married to him, but apparently I wasn’t worth 30-45 minutes of his time a week or an occasional hug. Don’t get me wrong, I’m eternally grateful that we got divorced because I wouldn’t have been happy. But still, I was asking for so little.

Ultimately I know it’s his issue and 99% of the time I’m fine. But that 1% when I’m especially lonely or down is absolute hell

@Marcie1974 You deserve better!
Let that be your mantra!

@RavenCT I’m not settling ever again.

@Marcie1974 you are absolutely loveable. There just happen to be a lot of blind and dumb people about and they're not the type to see it.

6

I think I am going to switch teams...men my age only want to date women my daughter's age. Who needs that shit?

Boys want girls real men negotiate for love with peers

@Athena opposite also lol

Question?

Remember in your young age, would you have ever thought of dating anyone like your fifty or sixty year old uncle or aunt?

Of course not!

Now that we have reached that age, we still see with those youthful eyes!

@of-the-mountain that's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard.

@Athena young guys will do anything that is pretty

@OpposingOpposum
Of course if you are a complete moronic idiot!

@Athena Did that...with a guy six years younger for nearly 16 years. After I taught him everything he knows, he wanted out...to date younger women. I am DONE.

@Athena Hi again. I think it's sweet how hopeful you are, but truthfully, only half the time I was with him was happy. The rest was just work. I am happier now, being single is not a disability...it's freedom. I kind of like it.

6

Beautifully put!

5

"Full Disclosure" should be required viewing starting in the 9th grade. And repeated regularly.

I like this actually it makes alot of sense. I have had guys do this with me but it did not turn out well lol. Still yeah don't hide your worst aspects put them out in full display to save time.

@Lauraleigh39 Well toilet paper has to come over the top not under. I brush my teeth in the shower. Farting burping is natural body functions so why be embarrassed about them. Lieing is another thing I hate! I am going to be 65 soon I am not going to change! Not a neat freak but not total slob either. Clothes will get into the dirty clothes within a few days if they don't get there right away. Prefer t-shirt and jeans. Do have some clothes for good occasions. Next girl freind will have to be totally non worshiping stance. No gods, devils or other creature or substance. Since this is not a full disclosure will stop now andsince we will never meet this should give you food for thought LOL.

@Lauraleigh39 The protagonist was too crass to have that much self-awareness and the bit about going to strip clubs and lying about it doesn't fit with all that aggressive honesty either. Still ... I concede it would help if people at least made an effort at full disclosure, however imperfect. It beats being on your best behavior until it exhausts you and they find out who you really are.

There are certain things i'd want to know early on... like whether or not the person is going to be praying around the clock, whether they're politically progressive or regressive, and if they're living in their car or with their mother. Those are deal breakers for me... and it would be a waste of time not to know those things up front.

@benhmiller your list is at least the basics. TP under is oh so pretty, and oh so annoying and wasteful..... And that is just the beginning,...

5

Thank you for all the comments. Im in a rough period of my life and struggling to remain positive. This site is where i share my thoughts during down periods but i value all your advice! When your in the dumps, it helps sometimes just to be heard. But when things get better advice given seems much more palpable!

5

The only time you are going to be content is when you realise you don’t need one!

I get that....but you know what? Some people are just wired to need a deep connection with someone.

@Marcie1974 with each failed attempt is a lesson learned, hopefully. Ask yourself, am I choosing the same kind of men and why; what are my own ripples....are they too big, too critical, too demanding? At what point in the relationship does it go from good to not so good...is it after sex has become a part of it? So many questions to be asked and answered before taking another relationship step. Personally, I’ve stopped looking but I’m older and have had such a wonderful life (2 love relationships), and friends and memories to see me through.

@Namaste yes, for the most past im picking attractive men...men i would want to have sex with. This may be my downfall but I don't want ot date someone I do not want to mate with...

@Lauraleigh39 get to know someone you are not physically attracted to and their kindness and good nature will become attractive to you.

@Lauraleigh39 if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got!

@Namaste I can't seem to rationalize to myself dating someone Im not attracted to in an attempt ot mind hack my relationship goals...in the end I feel like i would just be leading them on and when it came down to physical interactions i would run and hurt them.

@Lauraleigh39 Looks like your on the hamster wheel then. Best get used to it!

@Geoffrey51 i don't agree Ill run my wheel til i find someone I am attracted to and also mesh with. I believe I can. Im don't think I have to give up physical attraction to be happy.

@Lauraleigh39, @Namaste @Geoffrey51 i absolutely learn lessons. But I think some people are looking at this too simplistically. I’m guessing OP wrote the post in a moment of frustration and doesn’t feel that way EVERY second. Seems like some people are being very critical and assuming she has to have a man to be complete.

I don’t need a man and as time passes I’m more and more comfortable doing things on my own. But you know what? It would be really nice to have someone too. I’m the type of person with a few close knit friends. They have husbands and kids at home yet so it can sometimes be only once or twice a month I’m with someone (a female friend) where I’m able to have meaningful conversations, as opposed to more superficial conversations at work. I’m a friendly person but don’t necessarily make friends easily. Or at least meaningful friendships.

I guess I’m just trying to say go easy on people when they say their lonely or frustrated with dating. Sometimes they’re just venting their shit and don’t necessarily want or need someone lecturing them to that they can’t rely on someone else to make them happy. Most people know that. Doesn’t necessarily make things easier.

@Lauraleigh39 that is normal for both sides. You don't want to spend time looking for romance with someone who does not get you going in the first place.

5

3 days? Only 3 days? Shy? Busy at work? Death in the family? Car accident? You shit-can somebody after 3 days because they aren't moving to Your timetable, yer gonna be lonely Forever.

Perhaps they had daily talking/texting prior so this is out of character for him? I get where she’s coming from, especially if he seemed really interested

Four days now and no it's not that big a deal but I do feel he's lost interest maybe and I may not hear from him again. So when I say move on I mean I let it go and forget about him and talk to other guys or whatever. If he resurfaces fine but I can't worry about it in the meantime and obssess over it.

@Marcie1974 yeah he was hitting me up muliple times a day and it felt good

@Lauraleigh39 I feel ya! It’s confusing and for me it can be difficult to let go, even when I know I should

@Lauraleigh39 The ghosting. I hate that. And it happens over and over, especially on dating sites. Talk and text like crazy, maybe meet up, everything seems great, then gone. So hard on a girls heart and self worth.

@crazycat329 so, in any of these communications was Money mentioned (in any way, like, I need to buy a gift for my niece, what would you suggest)? And you declined to "play"? Lucky escape!

5

Irony...
Having that same conversation with myself this weekend but far less eloquently and bravely. Wondering if I should keep doing this..

5

I know the feeling all to well

5

I recently met a woman online and met her for dinner. She was perfect for me. Compassion, intelligence, warmth, beautiful face, and sweet. I haven't been this SMITTEN in decades.

Well, you know how the story goes. I've never been any woman's first choice and she has other choices. So the search continues.

5

Its not pointless.. its ok to take breaks.. give yourself some grace..
I know it cliche, but sometimes the journey is as important as the destination..

One of the best things I did was take a break from dating. I still would like to find a relationship, but I’m much more confident going out by myself now

4

WHY? why are you so desperate to share your life with another person
relax a little, enjoy the freedom of doing your own thing whenever you choose, and when you are relaxed and happy with your life - someone will turn up and it may be the right one, or the one for right now - go with the flow,

my flow leads me to desire another. Its just how Im built.

@Lauraleigh39 , I don't do well on my own either. My fiance died a year and a half ago, my girlfriends are usually busy with their own husbands, boyfriends, children, grandchildren...and I just freaking need/want a male partner in crime to hang out with and love and do things with. It's how I'm built , as well, and at my age of 63, I'm not going to be changing. It's just what I want and need.

4

`IMHO, one of the worst things about dating after a certian age' yes that age may vary. But to the point. we are not only just dating a person, we are also dating a whole line of their history, good, bad, all of it.
Honestly I haven't tried to seek any one out in quite a while. But life sometimes has a way of doing shit when you least expect it.

Not that I believe in anything like Karma, but I try to keep on the positive side ot, Meh you never knowwhat might become.
I think the key to me at least has been, just be me, and if another likes that, who knows. And if nothing happens, I'm still cool for the moment because I am Happy with me. If that makes any sense.

4

You've got what it takes and everything you need to live your life happily. We get you!

4

And continue to enjoy and appreciate your life whether you meet someone or not...THAT is the true victory that you should never give up on.

4

Stay strong & good luck!

4

I need to keep your mentality. Stay strong.

3

I have never been married so please take what I'm gonna say with a grain of salt. Your life is too short and important to try to make something that doesn't make your days amazing last forever. Whoever he was all you have to do is say thank you for the good times, it's someone else's turn now. 😊

3

I know I am tired of not finding someone who is right. The religion thing is just too much. I can't stand if its gods will or will pray for what ever. I tried just getting along with them but it isso irritating listening to their I have to beleive crap.

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