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Men find it hard to connect with plus-size women in the same way that women don't seem attracted to short men what is wrong with this society regulated preference? ...and be honest.

Update: Did I hit a nerve? I was only exploring societal norms? Should physical appearance be as important as society seems to imply? Yes some preference is genetically imprinted - but it is still the old nurture vs nature conundrum? Individual tastes do vary and whatever trips your trigger is fine with me - yet there is a reason some women get Boob-jobs, men wear toupees and why Playboy magazine and the original James Bond movies were so popular. Sean Connery was voted the sexiest man alive and he wore a hair piece in all of his Bond movies. I did find responses people wrote are very interesting...

FrostyJim 7 July 7

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Idk about other women and the height thing but men DEFINITELY have an issue with women who are bigger than ideal. Is it about personal preference ? Sure bit when dudes are like 300 lbs hairy af and can barely put on deodorant much less make any effort with themselves and they expect women to be slim and have perfect make-up that doesnt look like make-up at all times and our boobs must be gravity defying in a way that only a surgeon can give etc, etc, etc.... I am frankly shocked that my fellow women haven't told men to go fuck themselves en masse and let the human race die off.
Personally I have come to a point where I cannot stand the expectations and entitlement of your average straight white dude anymore. They start expounding on their opinions on how everyone else should be and I just want to stab em in the tongue. I know damn well I'm not the only one sick of that shit. So I mostly avoid that type of person now. I want nothing to do with them.

@Stevil true smell plays an important part and I think your "green beans and new potatoes" story is sweet and true for a lot of folks. They just think they're weird for not being all about what they've been told to be.
I'm just so damn tired of people putting forth "sports illustrated" models as the ideal of health and what men want and have wanted since the dawn of time. It's all a damn marketing gimick and 90% of people are too damn dumb or cowardly to realize or admit that's not really their thing.

@Stevil another good point. I suspect many people don't mature much past 16 mentally these days.

@opposingopposum I saw your comment here and must say as a 300lbs. hairy man I am offended.I am just kidding.I actually want to personally appologize to you.I know this is a serious issue.I've had my problems with body image over the years being in and out of shape and now just morbidly obese.I was guilty of putting up a fat joke two days ago and you called me on it.I took it down and you took your response down too.I am never too old to learn and was reminded by that incident and by my GF (she is also on this site) to think before posting.I sometimes think I am funnier than I am.I was glad you still put likes on some of my comments and posts since then and am happy it did not escalate.Cheers. Just had to add that I smell

@actofdog honestly I have heard that same tired joke from WAAAY too many fat dudes to take it personally. I have however decided to call that ish out anytime I see it. It's old, it's tired and I'm tired of hearing it.


We are constantly bombarded by what is suppose to be attractive to the opposite sex. In reality, all bets are off. We are constantly adding and editing to what we find attractive as we move through cycles of life...perhaps part of it is still biological, with women who want children looking for specific genetic characteristics, height , eye color, etc. We might be in a phase of our lives where health is more important so athletic characteristics are desirable. We might have prior bad experiences that turns away from certain traits like obesity, age, baldness, etc. It could a certain body type reminds you of your mother, teacher, priest, etc.

I, personally, have dated short men and found them to be excellent friends and lovers. I am 5'7' and have dated men a few inches shorter than me or at least of equal height. I have been very thin and very plump and have been loved by men at all those sizes...

I go by the adage: there is a lid for every pot...there is no standard preference, just our own personal ones...


People are attracted to who they are attracted to, period. No one has ever talked me into who I find attractive. That is such bullshit. I see men with plus-size women all of the time. People complaining about this sort of thing are generally pissed off because the person they are really attracted to isn't attracted to them. It is like when I have had women friends who say they can't get laid. Of course most can. What they mean is they can't get laid by the person they want. When a man says he can't get laid, he really can't get laid, by anyone. 🙂

So true about getting laid. All you need to be to get some is female and at the bar near closing time. Oh and of course as you mention, have lowered standards.
Men automatically have lowered standards but it doesn’t help as much.


I'm attracted to intelligent. It requires conversation only.


I agree with Sticks. Attraction is a very personal thing. I've seen combinations that are all over the map. And yeah, isn't it interesting how we want who we want and are offended if that person doesn't reciprocate but yet we turn others aside all the time with little thought about it.


Good grief. I don'ty follow rules like that. I wish i had created a chart of boys and men I was in love with, classified by height . I could have given you hard data. Instead I have tell you stories from my life.
i remember the first one, Jimmy ( not his real name) He looked like James Dean in miniature. He was on the bus I had to take to school. He got out at one of the factories where he worked. I think i was 12. I know he was shorter than I , but what the hell,. He grew everytime i looked at hiim. Jimmy!
He started pursuing me in a serious way when I was 14. He creeped my out. I did not want to be pursued. So, he became history, and I watched Rebel without a Cause six times in a row.
Just trying to think back on men and height does not bring to mind a pattern. The most cruel and vicious man in my life was a 6'4" mama's boy-physically absolutely "my type" (Viking) We were married four years.
I could go on and on, but there is no point. I do not oblige society's expectations, neither here or in Germany. Men who wanted to pursue me had better sharpened their wit. Smart and erudite is sexy and adds inches to your height or takes them off your girth.

Thank you for sharing. A couple of things to point out here.....

  1. You mentioned that Jimmy "creeped you out", but that he started pursuing you seriously at the age of 14. However, you don't indicate whether this developed in to a romantic relationship or how long it lasted. Regardless, based on what you wrote you still clearly had to do some pretty heavy duty talking yourself in to interacting with this guy.

  2. You stayed with Vinny (in fact, was married to him) for four years in spite of the fact that he was clearly an aggressive abuser, You say that he was "your type", and you didn't seem to have to do much talking yourself in to that relationship.

One would think that the survival instinct would drive someone to avoid someone like a Vinny like the plague and to drift more towards the Jimmy's of the world. It rarely happens though. You're certainly not the only woman to wind up in that boat floating down that shit creek without a paddle. Not by a long shot.

@webbew1 +Remember, we were talking about height and girth and what that means in the selection of partners for men and women? But thank you for your analysis. It is quite wrong and useless.


All my life (especially in the platform shoe era) I have been pursued, & won, by short men. Love them! So aspiring!
You sound like you have serious body issues....I say, if they make you laugh & like to dance, come on over here!


It would be much easier and pleasant for everyone if we didn’t have advertisements that told us how to look.

I totally agree - but we are all shaped by society whether we admit it or not. I am a child of the counter-culture 60's and was proud to be different - we called ourselves Freaks - Ha!. Women burned their bras and would never be caught dead in stiletto heels - it was faded denim bell-bottoms, tie-dye, halter tops, no make-up and sandals - now the Kardashians tell women how they should look??? Remember I am speaking in generalities - and there are many who still don't follow the crowd - but we are not the majority - and that was the point of my question...

@FrostyJim I saw a documentary about advertising in Cuba. They have none, it was just so beautiful to watch, how both the sexes spoke about their own bodies and others, how they appreciated how they looked and had no hang ups about being fat, skinny or anything else. Just loved and appreciated what they had.

@FrostyJim you know there is something radically wrong with society when women are getting vaginas surgically resculpted and men are getting their testicles enlarged all in the name of beauty.


Well, this maybe true for men and women.
I couldn't change my height, but I did change my weight to a healthy size.
Hope to meet that someone with similar mindset.


I can only speak for myself and say that although I’m only 5ft 5, I have always been drawn to tall men...over 6ft by preference. I don’t think it’s because it’s a societal seems to be innate and probably instinctive for the female to choose the strongest looking mate to protect and provide, and produce healthy progeny. Plus-size women are a different case altogether because it has only become fashionable in the western world to be slim, and for men to prefer slimmer women in relatively recent times. Rubenesque proportions were quite normal, and desirable in women in earlier times, as witnessed in the paintings and poetry the old masters. In certain communities in less developed parts of the world it is still considered desirable for women to be more generously endowed.

So it is okay for women to stick with outdated idealism? Yet men should should not give in to modern idealism? It is a little confusing...

I think there's a difference between rubenesque and obese

@FrostyJim I think you haven’t read carefully enough what I wrote. I don’t choose to be attracted to tall men over short doesn’t really work on a conscious level, it is quite different after I get to know a man...his height becomes unimportant, but my natural instinct is to be attracted to taller men...not a conscious choice, and it’s quite wrong of you to suggest that it’s a deliberate act to “stick with outdated idealism”. That is quite a ridiculous idea. If you feel attracted to slimmer women then that is where you are drawn, no blame attached by me to that. No confusion in my mind ....attraction is instinctive, not something we are able to control.

@MsDemeanour Plus size covers everything over a UK size 14 (US 10) so that’s a big range .

@Marionville One can't do anything about being short. Being overweight is a health hazard and it is within our control. I know from personal experience anxiety contributes to my being overweight. I'm working on it because I want a long and healthy life.

@MsDemeanour Yes...of course that goes without saying, Obesity is on the increase, for both men and women, but this post is more about what we find attractive in the opposite sex and our proclivities in choosing a mate,


Don't ask me....I'm short.

Well, hellooooo sailor!


There are evolutionary reasons. Back in the cave, women needed a protector, for them and their kids and so it was usually the biggest meanest motherfucker of them all that was most attractive. lol perhaps I exaggerate but you get my meaning. I no longer need a Neanderthal and prefer someone witty.

As for women, I suspect there has been a preference for what is seen as fertile ie boobs and hips. Although perhaps women's attractiveness is shaped more by social media these days. I was reminded of this article.


Women seem to be a lot more forgiving with height especially if you have character.

You mean some women - and many women won't give a second thought to a man's profile that says he is under 5'5" ...and some if he is not over 6' is what it is and we all limit the dating pool by our own choices.


The issue is NOT actual height or weight. It's what that identity does to ones confidence. I once dated a man 3 inches shorter than me, and his personality made me melt. Our society beats down short men and plus size women. If they can over come that, they can be as sexy as hell.

Do you find it odd that you "once" dated a short man and you find that extraordinary? The real question was do you judge a man's personality before you judge his physique and it is not gender specific. I was not being judgmental - just interested in hearing what we do and why?


Humans being what they are, preferences regarding attraction are all over the map !
I was told by one gentleman a while back, that I was too small for his liking, and that he favored big women with "extra meat". And I worked with someone - a likeable, skinny fella, that said he was seeking a very big woman so he could get "lost" in her folds !

Ya just gotta find the right "fit" - no matter what it might be.

"lost in her folds". sounds like asphyxiation to me.

@callmedubious Yup - and some folks get off on that !


There are some guys like women heavy. They are some times called chubby chasers. This is for those who are just into looks like a lot of guys who only go for a certain look. I prefer to look at their personality and intelligence. Next girl friend has to be an atheist.


I'm not exactly normal. My ideal man is over 6'5, however most men I've been serious with have been shorter than me (5'7). For me, personality and attitude is more important than looks.


I have always been tall. But for the last couple decades I have been bald or balding, so my attractiveness has probably been a wash once I hit my late 40s.. I also used to be more athletically built too, until my early 50s. I know these appearance things make a great difference, as when I was younger and had more going for me in appearance, I could get dates with not that much effort. Of course, that was before online dating. In online dating, I get very little interest, probably because of all the competition from men with better builds and more hair on their heads.

Tom, you're fine, don't get pulled down! You look nice...slim, fit and handsome. bold is in style. There's someone for everyone. Stay on the positive. Be happy, and accepting of yourself.


I don't have a problem with that beautiful is beautiful no relationship to size

bobwjr Level 10 July 7, 2019

Now.... for the "no PC horse shit" answer.

With rare exceptions, when it comes to the rules of attraction we are still functioning at the level of hunter gatherer cave dwellers. There is a difference between what goes on in the board room and what goes on in the bedroom. The former is controlled by higher thinking skills and the latter by our base level processes.

Women better connect sexually and romantically with taller men because they tend to have the greatest chance of being good providers and producing offspring which guarantees the continuation of the bloodline. Of course, being physically fit also enters in to the picture, but an overweight tall man will fare a bit better than an overweight short man.

Men connect with physically fit women because they have a better chance of upholding and defending territory and protecting offspring when the males are away hunting and gathering supplies.

I've always been fascinated by why we've never really evolved when it comes to our romantic and sexual interactions. In a modern world where wars are waged with smart bombs and computers more than they are by hand to hand with clubs and spears, you'd think the human animal would evolve to follow suit. But it just hasn't happened. For the most part, it's still braun over brains in the dating world.

It would be nice if someone who is smarter and more edjumicated than me would do an honest to goodness, no PC bullshit, study on why. But anybody who had the balls to do so would be crucified by the PC Police.

So #1 you're both wrong and I have evidence. Pictures of my female relatives back to the 1900s they were all short, round peasant looking women, often with chin hair and such. Despite being unattractive by your definition they had an average of 10-12 children each. The men are mostly short and balding often bespectacled and yet managed to marry (sometimes multiple wives) and have buttloads of kids. Are you honestly suggesting those kids were popped out without benefit of sexual congress?
Our standards of beauty and health are largely a social construct. Fueled largely by the advertising industry which likes to hold up impossible standards and normalize them to make people feel inadequate so they'll buy lots of stupid products in hopes of reaching that nonsensical ideal.
Look at the models in magazines. Often deemed too old by the time they're in their mid twenties. Kept on insanely restricted diets that destroy their health. The advertising industry has told us that the perfect woman is in her teens, grossly underweight and often have undergone multiple surgeries to achieve an unrealistic ideal.
Somehow people never pick up a history book or look too closely at what's been shoved down their throats. The advertising industry is so good at what they do that we consider these things natural.


So what you’re saying is that some unattractive people got together with other unattractive people and had kids, and that’s you’re evidence we’re wrong???? Show me a photo of one of those relatives of yours with someone whose attractiveness parallels that of Channing Tatum or Heidi Klum and we’ll talk.

You may actually be able to find one. But I’ll guarentee it won’t be more than one. Maybe two. There are no absolutes in nature. Rare exceptions do exist.

@webbew1 not some, most if not all. You think all the babies produced down the eons were made by teen girls and tall muscular men? That is beyond ridiculous. Have a look at your own family photos. Do those people look like models? Statistically that is highly unlikely. Most people looked like the folks you see on the street. ALL of the folks you see on the street. Tiny teenage girls, furthermore are NOT suited to producing viable offspring. Teenage mothers are as likely as obese or aged mothers to suffer adverse outcomes, which often end their birthing careers.
The women we're told to idolise and lust after aren't particularly physically suited to producing live healthy young. Women who are "overweight" and between 25-35 who carry their weight low (big butts and thighs) actually ARE far better at producing offspring.
Your ideas are not your own. They are not even factually correct. You have taken what advertising companies have sold you and are claiming that is truth with zero basis in facts.

All of this modernity could go away tomorrow. If and probably when this happens, those basic instincts will have to be there for the survival of the species.


If you take a look at my family photos, you’ll see pretty much the same thing you see in yours. People wound up with mates who were at about the same level of attractiveness as they were.

Truth be told, many people on the lower end of the attractiveness spectrum will settle. They pick a mate out of fear of winding up alone. Not because there is actual chemistry.


You made an assumption that women preferring taller men was a societal norm and it was the selection at work. There are some preferences in mate choice that are believed to be from evolutionary selection. Tallness and body weight are not one of the factors (personal learning from class on Evolutionary biology at K.U.)

I do not like men that are overly tall, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am the height of an average women. One or two inches taller is fine as a partner and that does not require a person to be a tall man.

In one study females did express a GENERAL preference for men taller than themselves but in this study did not rate the taller males as more attractive. []


We all have preferences, and we all have flexibility in our choices.


I think we're all different. I'm short and I've had relationships with both tall and short men. I'm old and have never had a relationship with anyone my age or older since my husband died. In general it is true that Society tells men and women that they want a certain body type and age. However when men and women expose themselves to a variety of people many of them find they are attracted to non-stereotypical relationships. Attraction is all in the head anyway. Older men with issues naturally gravitate to what Society has told them will be more stimulating. Once they get that in their head, they definitely limit their opportunities.


Just sounds like an ill-educated comment on stereotypical social discourse.

Re-enforcing cliched labels is not helpful.

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