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I've been wondering for a while if most of us on Agnostic are mostly estranged from our families of origin or instead fairly close and involved with our immediate families. So I am interested in asking the ? With a poll, using what I suspect are the 4 most common reasons for estrangement. You may vote for more than one reason for being estranged from your family of origin, but can only vote once for saying you are fairly close and/or involved with your family of origin. I am not asking about in-laws here, just the people you grew up with and are related to by blood.

Update: Nobody is being asked to explain, defend, or justify their vote(s), which are anonymous. So either vote or don't vote. Just pick what seems to fit the best. Jeeesshh, like herding cats......

  • 3 votes
  • 6 votes
  • 14 votes
  • 24 votes
  • 9 votes
TomMcGiverin 8 July 11
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15 comments

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0

I'm not sure estranged is the best word for my family relationship. It's more that we have next to nothing in common beyond sharing grandparents. We get along fine if we're together, but the others seem to want to spend time with each other. OTOH, I feel kind of stuck with them.

1

I see my family a few times each year, tomorrow is one of those days. My brothers birthday, an excruciating day going over memories about people I have forgotten, places I don't remember visiting and trivial family stories I never needed to know. Nothing ever said about my father hitting and kicking my mother, my mother beating us with a cane, or father beating us with a belt - which for years I knew as normal family life.
My oldest sister will, eventually, prattle on about how bad they all felt on the night I nearly died, despite having been told I don't want to hear it and knowing it will cause me a painful few days of memories that normally stay partially buried.
I have little in common with my siblings, even less with their offspring and no reason to see them other than a shared mother ... and every time I ask myself 'why bother?'

Geezzz. We sound like we grew up in the same home. We ought to have a drink together sometime. I bet you would totally get how I am fine with waiting until the next death before I see my siblings again. So many family secrets, so little time.......Trust me, once your last parent is dead, you have your excuse to not see them again until a family funeral. Until my father died, I only saw my siblings when there was a shared visit or event with them involving my father.

0

None of the above. I don't think it's much of an issue in my family. I'm openly atheist while the rest of my family is rather loosely non-practicing Catholic.

You sound like #4.

@TomMcGiverin On second thought, I think you're right.

@QuidamOutrepont Of course I'm right. Almost all of my friends are social workers. I listen to them and it rubs off as far as sizing up people's situations.

0

I would not say that I am estranged from my family (parents and siblings), I love them and I know they love me. But, we are not close. I am the only non-religious person in my family and there are certain members of my family with hoarding tendencies which make visiting their homes very unpleasant.....so I don't, unless absolutely necessary. There are also a variety of personality conflicts among my family of origin members that also make spending time together difficult. So, I only interact with them in ways that I can handle... and I limit and control the time/places of visits.

I have been trying to interact more with my parents, as they are getting older and are having more health challenges.

You have some similarities to mine. Sounds like #3 would fit you.

@TomMcGiverin I did choose #3 🙂

@LizBeth Then why does everyone feel a need to comment and explain???

@TomMcGiverin Maybe because it would be rare for a family situation to 'exactly' fit into the choices presented. I chose 3 becasue it was the 'closest', but it is not entirely accurate. I could have picked 1 as it is true some of the time (I just avoid the topic of religion as much as possible when I am around my family). I could have picked 2 since my siblings and I are so different. But 1, 2, and 3 don't really apply because I am not 'estranged' from my family even though I have do boundaries with them.

Perhaps you have just hit upon a subject that others find interesting?

Perhaps people like to convey who they are through the conversations in the comments. (I would not have knownn that you and I have a similar family dynamic, had I not explained and had you not replied.

@TomMcGiverin Just don't read the comments then. Many of us are interested in other members as human beings--I also like reading the comments to see how others deal with family estrangement, but that's just me.

0

I am estranged from most of my family due to religious differences, and part becuse they are traditional conformists. There is a lot of overlap there.

As I grew up in a Mormon family and I am gay... and also a nudist (I enjoy platonic nude recreation), for mos tof my family we re just very different people. I am also way left in politics, alogtn the lines of Democratic Socialism, liek many countries in Europe have.

So vote both #1 and 2.

0

I am very close to my two siblings and to my nieces and nephews and their children. I host the annual Thanksgiving and Winter holidays at my house.

My sister is religious, my brother is not...my sister and brother were registered Republicans and switched over...my sister did not vote Republican, my brother did and regrets it.

All of my nieces and nephews voted Democrat and all go to church or some sort of religious thing.

We do talk about it sometimes, but they just accept that I don't believe...they tell me they are sad to not be able to see me in "heaven" but I jokingly tell them I would rather be in hell...

I am very fortunate to have a close knit family...

Vote #4.

@TomMcGiverin I did...?

@thinktwice Nothing personal, Louise, it just seems like the vast majority of these comments are gratuitous and simply voting would have been enough. I didn't expect it to turn into a column of Dear Abby with each reader needing to weigh in with their own detailed explanation. Maybe that's why few people bother doing polls on here.

@TomMcGiverin It is called a forum for a reason...😉 We are a verbose group... 😀

@thinktwice Understatement there. I was looking more for a vote to get a tally, not a forum...As David Byrne of Talking Heads, one of my fav bands used to sing " When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say something once, why say it again?".

@adaptable1958 sounds like you really know your family well so as to deal with each one in a slightly different way..

1

I'm an anomaly, apparently. I come from one of the least dysfunctional families I have ever seen. We all love one another, are supportive of one another, and we don't like drama. I do know how lucky I am.

Deb57 Level 8 July 11, 2019

You are very lucky. I personally know some people who are from close, functional families, but they are by no means the vast majority of people I have known. Therefore, when I see the women's profiles on Match that seem to indicate that the vast majority of women in my dating pool are from close, functional families, I am justifiably skeptical of their honesty and/or accurateness.

Personally, I am estranged from my family due to #2,3, and 5, with a bit of #1 with my older sister. I allowed multiple votes/choices for each participant, so I voted #2,3, and 5, since it fits my situation the best.

My parents were agnostic. Daddy was a scientist and skeptic, and my mother just refers to herself as "not religious, but also not an atheist." My only brother is somewhere in that same ballpark, although his wife and son are fundamentalist Christians. My children are atheists, but not due to any indoctrination. My grandparents, who were given free reign to see to my religious upbringing by parents who thought that would be harmless (that is its own whole topic,) were Fundamentalist Christians who took every word in the Bible literally. This was a mixed "blessing" for me. I was emotionally strong enough to withstand the trauma and confusion created by those early teachings, but just barely. They left a scar. On the other hand, that narrow, biased sliver of Biblical exposure prompted a thirst for theology in general. The force-feeding at such a young age, combined with my own strength of will, natural skepticism, and the free thought encouraged at home worked my favor intellectually and emotionally. It could just as easily screwed me up royally. Fall of the dice?

0

As adult children of an alcoholic father, we are not close.

Then you would seem to fall into #3, dysfunctional family. I had no intention of trying to cover every possible category of situation or every possible reason for estrangement. I was basing my reason choices for estrangement on comments I have seen in previous threads on this subject. Chill out people, this is not a research study where every possible variable must be included, it's a simple straw poll. I could have added several more options on it, but I'm not interested in covering every possible situation, I just want a general idea what's going on out there with Agnostic members and their families, IN GENERAL. That means breaking it down into general groups. Pick one that best fits you or else post how you are different from what I listed, whatever you need to do to feel heard, by me or the group, depending on your motive.........

0

None of these.

0

They don't care one is a longtime atheist

bobwjr Level 10 July 11, 2019

#4.

1

My family don't care. No one of them is religious, except my cousin's wife but she is Puerto Rican and been heavily influenced by UK so doesn't really care anymore.

Amisja Level 8 July 11, 2019

#4?

1

My entire family is atheist or humanist. No estrangement due to religion

UUNJ Level 8 July 11, 2019

#4?

@TomMcGiverin That’s what I voted for

1

We are as close as the Atlantic Ocean between us allows us to be.

#4?

1

My mother was someone that should not have had children and we are not close. I didnt have many relatives to begin with and they've died for the most part so except for my progeny, I pretty much have no family

I cannot blame it on my lack of religion.

#3.

0

Despite their feelings of estrangement from me I love them and praise them for their accomplishments but they don't want anything from me but the delusion alleged vaginal virgins birth alleged baby gawds in dirty donkey stables....they predict great wealth and fame for me when I do lose my mind and give up mathematics to say 1+1+1=gawd

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