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My take on God/Jesus answering prayers.

Prayer 1: Dear God/Jesus, please help me find my keys.

Answer: Yes, I will help you. Finds keys in the fifteenth place she looked.

Response: Yay! I found my keys Thank you, God/Jesus!

Prayer 2: Dear God/Jesus, can you help me get a few more dollars? I already work two jobs, but I just need a little more this month so I can buy school clothes for the kids and pay my bills.

Answer: Maybe, I will have to think about it. I have thought about it; sorry, not today--try again tomorrow.

Prayer for next two weeks: Dear God/Jesus, can you help me get a few more dollars? I already work two jobs, but I just need a little more this month so I can buy school clothes for the kids and pay my bills.

Answer for two weeks: Maybe--still thinking about it. Keep begging, though--I like that.

Two weeks later receives an envelope under the door with some money in it--does not know it is from their neighbor who learned of their financial troubles and wanted to help out, anonymously.

Response: Thank you God/Jesus for providing me with this money.*

*Does not consider how many other people begging God/Jesus for some financial help do not find money slipped under their doors.

Prayer 3: Dear God/Jesus please heal my broken spine so I can walk again.

Answer: Sorry, that is a no.

Response: I don’t understand why you won’t heal me. You helped my neighbor find her keys, why won’t you help me walk again?

Answer: I said, no. But, trust me--I have a good reason.

After many failed prayers begging God/Jesus to change his mind:

Hmmm…maybe you won’t heal me because you don’t exist?

God/Jesus are you there?



Joanne 7 Aug 16

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What I always found interesting or comical was when people who would ask for a sign “to help them with some decision,” seemingly couldn’t see the sign staring them right in the face. I’m not a religious man obviously. I am observant and knowledgeable enough about faith to know a sign when I see it after hearing someone vocalize their prayer. Sometimes I just want to smack them on the head and ask if anybody’s home. “Nobody is as blind as he who will not see.”


Have you ever performed a QUANTIFICATION TEST on prayer to see HOW WELL prayer works? Try this.

Flip a coin 20 times noting the results on a sheet of paper. You should see that you got around half the flips heads and half tails, give or take one or two. This is your control group.

Next, do the same exercise but each time you flip the coin pray for heads (or tails). Note on the paper the results of the 20 flips. Your result should show around 10/10, give or take a few.

You might say that the power of prayer worked in around 10 of the flips! But compare the results of your prayer group with your control group. The prayer group did NO BETTER than random chance as shown in the control group.

There is your power of prayer.

Exactly! The odds of a prayer being "answered" are all about the laws of chance and probability. Which is why a prayer that is asking for something that is impossible, like a human spontaneously growing a limb, or the regeneration of a severed spine, can never be "answered" with anything but a "NO." It is the same with miracles. A miracle is simply the lesser, or perhaps even the least, possible outcome playing out. When the outcome is good: "Praise God/Jesus, it's a miracle!" Or, prayer answered. When the outcome is bad: "The devil caused it;" or, "Free will;" or, God/Jesus knows what's best," etc. When, in actuality, the same laws of probability and random chance are at play. It is within the realm of possibility to get heads every time the coin is tossed for 100 straight tosses while one is praying for that to happen; but that is not a miracle or an answered prayer--it is merely the least probable outcome playing out.

@Joanne Let's see how closely I can quote George Carlin. "Instead of praying to god I rather wish upon a star. I know the star exists because I can see the star. And, I get the same 50% success rate!" 😀


Of course, since we are creating our own realities; WE are the "gods" making things happen for us. The Christian religion credits god with everything that happens, good or bad, but, sadly, it's all us.


But Gawd was there. He allowed your neighbor to hear that prayer where you needed money and he also knew in advance that you would put your keys in the fridge. Isn't he wonderful.

On the other hand, Charlie is going to have to get a leg amputated but there is some lizard who is able to grew another one if that happens to him. Poor Charlie.

If we are the special creatures created in this god's image, you would think he would have given us that ability--not lizards.


Oh so true!!! I got another one. God let his son Jesus die after getting beat for a day or two. But God wouldn't help a 15yr old little girl that had had liver cancer. Instead of helping her or letting her die one month in it, he let her suffer for over a year. She was a devout Christian, and alot of days she would pray to god begging to die she was in sooo much pain she couldn't stand it. So God allowed his son to die after a few days of suffering, but allowed that little girl to suffer for year and a half. So if their is a God, Fuck him. If theirs no God actually makes alot more sense to me, that way nobody's to blame for the suffering in the world, not only for that girl.

The issue of suffering was one that was a biggie for me, just as for others. If I had the power, I would take away suffering; yet, this supposed god allows it or causes it. And, why? Well, because it wants its little humans to worship it; and, sometimes, even though it supposedly knows everything, it decides it needs to "test" someone's faith. On this alone, I show that I am more moral than this god--as are most of us.


Okay this is just smart humor, I appreciate it. It's thought provoking, too, and I'd like to share my thoughts on it.

Well this is the thing:

"God" is a word, but words, at a certain level, behave impressionistic because they are under-processed. In the laity, "God" is a word for the system that one lives in, and it's not discoordinated in all of its parts, and that's why some people thoughtfully argue that God is something beyond just a local belief to whatever official designated place they live in. "God" is a small word. The laity reacts to the word with prayer, which is part of a larger process.

So if you're wondering what all of this prayer and response is really about, it's because the larger process, which is watched, crunched, etc. that you're in is kept stable by the things keeping the sub-process consistent.

So if someone gave you money out of prayer, it's because of real feedback on clearly not force in this case, but information.

Everything you say, do, etc. is in a network but obviously not everything is going to register for so many possible reasons so some prayers are answered, and some prayers are not. The things you think are also in a network sometimes because some people have such fine nerves and developed brains that they can pick up and translate, sometimes accurately (depending on the germ character of the brain cells) the pulses of your thoughts, either directly or through the finer structures surrounding the nervous system.

Translate please.


Translation: Prayer feedback dynamics are explainable in real terms, because religious life is real and interconnected.

@DZhukovin ah, why didn't u say so from the start.

@Mofo1953 I like to think, and when I think out loud, I like to think out loud!

@DZhukovin looks like some times you overthink things


I love it. Set the brain right, and it does all the right things. It's a good rollercoaster.


Those keys were prob on top of your head, along w/ your sunglasses...


Logic WILL tell anyone that anything they've lost WILL be found in the very LAST place they look for it.
It's kind of like the old story of a bloke who goes to church and asks God " If a million dollars to mortals is the same as a dollar to him and a minute to him is like a million years to mortals."
God then replies, " Yes my child that is correct."
The bloke then asks, " Well God could you perhaps loan me a dollar, I'm broke and my family are starving?'
God replies, " No problem my child, just give me a few minutes to think it over."


And at that point they start thinking; "Maybe the atheists are onto something."


My favorite is when my idiot aunt told me she and her husband prayed from inside the restaurant they were in that nobody would steal the car that her husband had left the keys in...nobody did. God is great. BARF.


Reminds me of this. . .

I believe in praying to a milk jug.


When someone says “pray” I substitute “wish on a star”.
It makes more sense, and is every bit as effective.


I am quite at odds with my family. I want to buy the house I live in, which is owned by my what parents. We have very different ideas about how much to credit the rent I've paid toward the price. At work, someone said, "You should pray about it!" I said I'd sooner pray to your necklace. When I was a believer, NO prayers were ever answered. You know what Einstein said about doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result! I fancy myself as being NOT insane! Pray!!! Yeah right! To who? Nobody's out there!

Though he’s often attributed, Einstein never actually said the quote about the insanity. Even if he did he was wrong. At least in the quantum realm.


God answers prayers in many mysterious ways Joanne.

Roley Level 5 Aug 16, 2019

Right! Sometimes he says no! But most times he just doesn't answer at all! Because he doesn't exist!

So mysterious, it's like he's not even there and it was all just random chance based on the deliberate actions taken by us lowly humans.

Yeah, here's a few:

"Nope", "naw", "hell no", "no", "are you kidding?", "I don't do that", "that's to much", "I'll never do that", and "LOL".

@Kafirah I was just about to post something similar about random chance and coincidence . Now I don't have to 🙂.


If there is a god, he, she, or it is a vindictive narcissist

Since the Hebrew god of the Bible was (copying the Sumerian texts), modeled after "Anu," the blood-drinking, murderous leader of the alien Sumerian race, I'd say that is very true.


And do you think the followers of Jim Jones were grateful there was enough kool-aid and ammunition? Somebody just assure them that the Lord would provide?

I can't say; but I bet there were more than a few praying that there wasn't enough Kool-Aid and ammunition.


If you think about it, asking, or praying to God is a a bit of blasphemy.
To one that prays, their ego, or wants or needs, supersedes Gods plan.
In other words. It's like saying, I know you have a master plan, but just for me, can you change that plan. I promise to be good. or what ever bargain.
If indeed God did in fact answer prayers, that means his "plan" is fallible.

Yes, I have said this many times. And, also, I stated in another post that being blessed by this god (one example being god answering your prayer) is the epitome of arrogance. What makes one so special for this god to bestow blessings on them, or answer their prayers, while simultaneously denying blessings to others or not answering their prayers as they want them to be answered?

@Joanne because I and my group are the chosen people, naturally. nobody ever asks the question, "why am I chosen?"


I said it before and I’ll say it again, Satan is always stealing those keys!

Bad Satan. Bad, bad Satan.

Years ago my teen-age daughter was staying with my parents and a couple of my young nephews were there as well--and these boys were quite often getting themselves into some kind of trouble. My daughter's pager (yes, it was that long ago) came up missing. She was looking all over for it and asked my mom if she had seen it. She hadn't. My daughter said that she thought that one of the boys must have taken it and done something with it. My mother's reply was that she would believe a demon did it before thinking one of the boys would try to steal it. Well, it was found, hidden behind a bunch of towels in the bathroom--darn demons!


"Answer for two weeks: Maybe--still thinking about it. Keep begging, though--I like that.

Two weeks later receives an envelope under the door with some money in it--does not know it is from their neighbor who learned of their financial troubles and wanted to help out, anonymously."

I have an old childhood friend, where pretty much that exact thing happened..
When i saw her post on fb "thank jesus" i wanted to scream lol

@motrubl4u They'll reply that god guided their hands. There's no winning an argument with a zealot.


Funny but stupid....who once in all of human history got an envelope of cash shoved under a door from a never existing rabbi jesua Nasoret

Uhmmm...the money was from a neighbor and the person thanks God/Jesus for it. I do not say the neighbor thinks God/Jesus put the money there--but only saw to it that it was put there by someone.

I changed "giving me" to "providing me with." Is that better?

@Joanne no.....prEyer has never been answered and only mentally ill people claim they hear voices of alleged bible under door #9 might have been a payment for illegal drugs to the dope dealer in #19

@GreenAtheist : This is the point of my prayers are being answered. The rote answer of many believers is that god answers all prayers: sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is maybe, and sometimes it is no. In my take on it, the first one finds her keys, on her own, after looking in 14 other places; but she thinks god helped her find them even though it was highly probable that she would find them, eventually--which she did. The second, the maybe scenario, had a neighbor notice she was in need and slipped her some money--no god involved, yet god gets the credit; and in most other cases people asking for money did not get it. She just happened to have a caring neighbor who was able to help. And, number three, and other such cases, the answer will always be, no, because it cannot fall under the probabilities of chance or coincidence, or an action by a human just helping out another. It would require an actual answered prayer--which isn't going to happen--ever.

@Joanne still funny but zero believers here to learn from your post

@GreenAtheist : I posted it in silly, random and fun just to show my take on the "god answers all prayers" claim, not because I think I will change the minds of any believers who might be here--but, you never know.

@Joanne I prEy to win the lottery every time I buy 3 dollars worth of hope ....your post sounded a little like Sam Kinison Atheist comic from way back....we need all the gawd jokes we can get....thank you

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