Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Attend or do not based on how you feel. Your presence may be appreciated by the grieving even if you are not or don’t care to attend.

Our essence probably goes nowhere when we die. It’s destroyed.

My two cents.

Death is simply returning to non-existence. There is no soul to go anywhere.

Rituals mark an occasion. A funeral or celebration of life is really for the loved ones. It offers one last opportunity for a goodbye and for them to get closure.

This is a question I haven't thought about. I always try to attend funerals, but I do it for the survivors. Funerals are like reunions.

I choose cremation. My kids can either release my ashes somewhere or perhaps compress them into a diamond pendant and ring (though they both screwed up their faces at that) or keep them on their mantel so I can look down on them disapprovingly forever LOL. I really don't care...my body is not what is important, it's my energy and that will live a long time after my body gives out.

I and my wife are elderly (I 76, her 79 in November), recluses and atheists. So impending death is nearer than farther away. We have decided that in the event of either of our deaths, no funeral, no memorial, nothing except a bare-bones (no pun intended), unceremonious cremation at the minimum of cost (a little over $600 the last time I checked). She and I have so stipulated in writing so that no relative can challenge or put pressure on the survivor before (for a service) or guilt after the fact. We can pull the paper out and say, "See! That is what they wanted!" My two surviving brothers (and my son) have been told that there will be no service or memorial to attend when we did, will will just cease to exist. As a matter of fact, they were told as much when I had cancer last Summer and I did not expect to live...I was very surprised (I failed all the international Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Large Cell B Prognosis Indicators...should have died) when contrary to my expectations, the R-CHOP chemotherapy worked and I have been cancer free since last October. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it never happened.
I laughingly tell my wife and relatives that I want a "Polish water burial" (ashes flushed down the toilet )

Imo, funerals are for the benefit of those left behind. It may help with closure or a way of saying good-bye to the dead loved one. I have no objection to funerals so long as they are about the loved one and aren't ostentatious.

Personally, I want a hosted bar pictures and music going, so everyone is reminded of what we did together from cradle to grave. It should be a celebration. I'm getting cremated, so no open casks stuff for me. My friends would probably paint mustaches and otherwise embarrass me for one last time if I gave then the chance

Personally, I say let others do what they need to grieve but take as much of my body as you can to heal others. But that’s one of the many things that you won’t find a consensus on in this community. The only thing you will find is the lack of belief in God

i doubt you'll reach a consensus about the rituals; you may be able to patch together percentages. i have nothing to contribute there as i won't be around to know what rituals are performed for me once i've died. but that's just me. as for where the "soul" goes, i think most of us believe, or speculate, that there is no such thing and when your brain stops emitting the electrical activity that constitutes consciousness and beingness, there is no more beingness and no more "you."

g

Well my friend, like it or not, you are going to yours. I can tell you that much....

My energy and atoms will be returned to the earth/universe, thus allowing other life to exist. I want to be buried in a mushroom suit and have my remains used as compost. I see this as the most efficient use of the energy that gave me form. In the meantime, I have some work to do to get my younger daughter used to the idea of the mushroom suit.

I do feel like having some kind of social gathering to deal with the loss of a loved one can be cathartic. I hate funerals, but I must admit that the fact that several older relatives have said they don't want any funeral troubles me. Psychologically, I want to put the death into some kind of emotion context greater than just my own, by myself and alone.

You ask, after death, “where do you go?” This question asumes you have to “go somewhere”. But any tue atheist will tell you there is no afterlife.
Regarding a “you” or “your essence “, what exactly makes you think there is some kind of essence in you? (and by “you” I mean “us” as living organisms) And calling it a soul does not make it any more plausible. Thinking that there is an essence or soul, or any other term you may want to use, is an artifice of our consciousness. It is great to be conscious of the past and of the present and of the future; it is great to be conscious of our free will and of the opportunity to figure out the meaning in our lives. But it takes considerably more guts to be conscious of the fact that we are nothing else but the product of our neuronal activity, period. Just let your brain stop receiving oxygen for a few seconds and you will quickly become disoriented. A few more seconds of oxygen deprivation in the brain and the “you” and the “you essence” will become seriously compromised. And if the absence of oxygen persists, the net step is death. And where do “you” go? Nowhere. Once the brain stops functioning there no longer is a “you”. Yes, you will get many to tell you that “the soul... bla, bla”; even in a site like this, but that is because the fear of death is very real, and the idea of no longer existing is very unfathomable. Believing in the existence of a “you” apart from the brain is very soothing and does wonders toward comforting our fragile nature; but it does nothing toward connecting us with reality. And of course, there will be those that even will deny the existence of reality to justify the existence of something beyond that allows for the defeat of death. And they will come up with “universal minds” and “collective consciousness”. But guess what? Death and the end of existence is inevitable.
It does take guts to be a true atheist.

The rituals are for the living to assist in the grieving process. I tend to go to them as I view it as a bit of a duty to help those I care for get through a period of grief. Even if it is just to assure them that I am there and willing to listen or lend a hug.

So many people want to have their body tossed into a furnace.

I want to have my body frozen.
[cryonics.org]

I attended my parents' funerals and actually spoke at my father's (in a Catholic church!!). I have a recording of my speech but I've never been able to listen to it. I don't want to attend any more funerals even if they are purely secular. I intend to donate my own body to a medical school but I've so far been too lazy to make the necessary arrangements. I find the cost of funerals outrageous to the point of criminality. Better to bury Grandma in the back yard and plant spuds.

I believe when death comes that is all she wrote. I have told my wife and kids to donate my body to science, then, throw away the ashes. This way the scientist, can tell people what not to do with their health.
Seriously why spend all that money on a corpse. I suggest a good party for my friends. With good food, good wine and beer and of course good music. I have had a great life, let’s celebrate it.

" But where do you, your essence, your soul, if you will, go?" It will go nowhere, because there is NONE. Your essence (memories) die within your brain, just like an old computer's data is destroyed once it is damaged, wiped or exposed to water. Without your memories, there is nothing unique about you nor your personality. Same thing happens in reverse. When a baby is born, his essence is created inside her mother. The baby's soul did not magically get sucked into her mother's chest after she had sex with the neighbor's husband !

HaHa. I guess I would prefer to not attend my funeral either. Funerals are a way the living have to make their loss real and to generally show respect. But I tell my people, If you want me to have flowers, don't wait till I'm dead. Send them now. P.S. I don't get any now either.

VA provides a plot no expenses for family

I think death feels just as the same how you felt long before you were born. Your mind ceases to exist. There is no darkness, no joy, no peace, no sadness. There's a complete lack of anything. You're not aware of anything.

Going to a wake and viewing a corpse is not something I personally believe in ,but I have an elderly father who wants a wake and a funeral so I feel I must follow his wishes. I instructed my wife and daughter I want neither.As a child I was made to accompany my parents to many wakes and was creeped out by them .

Please tell us more what " OA " Netflix is or was.....perhaps my Agnostic pals here will consider one kind of funeral that could be managed by a dying person.....SELF INTERRMENT...with terminal illness and incoherence or coma likely to define last days or hours, I suggest finding a green cemetery, a comfortable recycling ingredient coffin, portable music, a keg, wine, cheese finger food and lethal injection when all the old times and hugs goodbye celebrating a life well shared by those invited and attending.....with the grave already dug and stairs to walk down into final rest, why not control life up to the very end ? No bleached hospital floors or formaldehyde fuming flowers....natural interrment covered with prairie soil and spiderwort blue and gold blooms that open each dawn and close each sunset

I go to funerals to show support for the living family and friends. If you don’t want to attend you own funeral, you can have a memorial service - similar or not to a funeral, but your body is not there.
If you are speaking about you soul or essence attending, it might be interesting to see who shows up.
After death, who knows?
I want to be with a tree. [boredpanda.com]

When I die that will be the end of my life. No can or can't prove there is an afterlife, so I'm not worried about it. I guess I'll find out when I die.