Fill a glass with one-half brandy, and one-half champagne!

nobody said "boil the hell out of it" yet?

piss in a bucket ... pour into bottle .... leave to ferment a day or so

Holy Water? --> Batman

steal it from the nearest catholic church? i doubt they'd part with it willingly, but i don't think they guard those little hand dippers. its been a while, maybe they do. that is if stealing holy water is a thing anyway. how much you need, maybe i know a guy

To gather up the sacred water of the lord, first cover your body with raiments that are white, sparkle with the prayer jewels of angels, and cover your body as if you were Amish. Then, go to the spring where, from the earth, emits the cool bubbly water that trickles forth unto the air. Dip your gourd of ladling into the water and deposit it into the holy transportation vessel. Then, silently saying prayers of thanksgiving on bended knee, make a sign of the cross upon your body to be worthy of collecting the sacred water. Take the water you have collected and upon reaching the priest at the altar, kneel before him and lift your vessel to him with words of supplication and humbleness. For doing such a feat, you will be rewarded with one week less in purgatory when you die. Amen

Right after I drink wine

The hard part is finding a vampire to test it on.

Spit.

When I was a kid there was a Catholic joke: Put tap water in a saucepan and boil the devil out of it.

One part hydrogen to two parts oxygen and liberally sprinkle the ingredients with lies.

Yes, I use about 3 jiggers of ice-cold Sapphire gin, a splash of vermouth, and a twist of lemon, served in an iced martini glass. Brings me close to heaven every time!

When I need Holy Water, and I often do, I strain bottled water through my well worn gym socks, which, as you may have guessed, stink to high heaven, and voilà... Holy Water.

Maybe a splash of holy water and scotch.

Yes, turn in the tap.