Agnostic.com

19 5

A question for you....As you look back over your life, assuming you are not in your 20's or 30's what consistent themes do you see? How has your non belief affected your social life?

I was thinking last nite....
when I grew up in catholic elementary school, I felt like I never fit in. I didnt believe for a second all the mumbo jumbo I heard from the priests and nuns, and I did not share this thought with anyone
when I moved to public high school in the city of Baltimore, I was more cerebral and well, behaved than many of my compatriots. I had a hard time finding a social group, there were druggies, and hoodlums, and well, not that many people I respected

  • in college, I had no interest in joining a fraternity that hazed its initiates. I did have a very close group of friends, both male and female, but I never had a need to "belong" to any social or professional group
    *in my early professional career, I lived in Lynchburg Va where the religous insanity was high with Jerry Falwell. Again, I found few social connections ( mostly former Catholics). Again, small group of like minded friends and again, I had to keep all of my thoughts to myself. Virtually everyone you meet greeted you with what church do you belong to?
  • Later professional career, I met some Scandanavian friends and for the first time had some atheist to talk to, I was probably 40-45 before this ever happened.
  • Now I am at the very end of my career, I tell everyone who says anything to me that I am an atheist. I moved from Jerry Falwell's Lynchburg VA to Raleigh NC, a highly educated diverse area. I'm free to say my mind, but find few atheist, so my social interactions have to hide that part of me.
  • I am building a house in a 55+ community, it will house 500 families over age 55.

How would you approach it? Do you stay quiet like I did for the first 40 years. Do you look for just a few friends that share your beliefs? Do you fly your atheist flag and not worry about the community?

In looking back, I have never been a joiner or one who sought out big groups. Is it unrealistic that there will be several dozen decent atheist in my new community?

Just curious about everyones thoughts.

Thanks

Bigwavedave 8 Oct 4
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

19 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

I can honestly say I have just lived my life as best I can and never ever thought about this particular aspect.....

0

Continue to be optimistic-free thinking is not regulated
to a time and place. I look on AARP, and know that being
selective(quality over quantity)is required for peace of mind.
Your happiness resides in you capable hands.
Have faith in your judgement, after all,success so far!!!
Some do not like to see others succeed;some applaud
and encourage others because they like the triumph of the
human achievement. You are not pleasing them all,save
your energy.Aswage your fears,others are doing it regularly.
The folks retiring are different from 30 years ago.
Thanks

1

I was brought up in catholic school & high school. Found new beliefs in books at the public library, mostly on philosophy. Rebelled & got kicked out of catholic school. Never looked back. Became agnostic because of the questions in philosophy. Adopted a very secular orientation to life which has served me well.

Went to a very secular college & grad school. Religion was never an issue. Had mostly highly intellectual & artistic friends who didn't give a flying fig about religion. It was considered gauche to even mention it. The only contact with religion I had were flirtations with Buddhism & Hinduism in Greenwich village. Went to India for the final darshan of Meher Baba, but dropped out of the movement after deciding it was a cult of personality.

Had a career where I dealt very closely with 10's of thousands of people. I worked in the very secular New York area & religion was never an issue.

Currently help lead a very large discussion group on politics & current affairs. Threw out a few topics that involved religious views. I thought I was leading meetings of The Agnostics & Atheists Group of New York. The only religion this group cares about is how the catholic vote is going in Ohio.

I would say if you live in a very religious part of the country, stay in the closet & move as quickly as you can to a more secular area. Meanwhile get your Agnostic & Atheist goodies by participating in sites like this one or groups of like minded people on platforms like Facebook.

I'd also recommend reading magazines like Skeptic, Philosophy Now, Philosophy Today.

Some religious people you can relate to on a human level if they aren't total assholes, but you need to find your homies

1

I came to unbelief late in life. It ended the option to relate to believers AS a believer, but really had almost no problematic impact on my social life. I just started paying attention to different thinkers (via books and in real life). I still have casual friendships with believers (and political conservatives, too). I am kind to them and don't dehumanize them. I am sure there are SOME such folks I wouldn't get along with, but more because they are asshats than because they are Christians. I also judge that I could not have really close relations with such people (e.g., significant other) but that level of connection isn't required for 98% of human relations. And even there, there are exceptions. I deconverted during my 2nd marriage and my wife had zero malfunction with it. She was unusual in that regard though, and she was busy dying at the time, which tends to focus you on what's really important in life.

0

I am 56 years old and now I just be me.. I don’t care what ppl think about my life, they really don’t care because they are trying to figure themselves out,,lol.. Religion has warped ppl minds,,, made them judgemental... when they should just live and let live..I go about my life everyday being happy with myself,, after all ,, I have to see myself in the mirror everyday.. not the ppl I don’t live with,,, I can get away from them,, thank Goodness!!!!

1

My life was affected as an adult when my religious family members, in-laws and neighbors took exception to the fact that I considered myself "agnostic" and over those years, I suffered a lot of anquish and turmoil, which actually only spurred me on to learn more about religions, and in the end solidified my disbelief in supernatural deities. I love mythology and understand how a mythos can be used to give direction to a group.

Now as an out and happily exposed atheist, after ridding myself of the family members, in-laws and neighbors who had a problem with my atheism, I'm as happy as can be! I am in the business of performing weddings and funerals for other atheists, so I feel a bit insulated in my spiritual views, since my clients all believe the same as me! I've also lost a bit of my edge from when I was being attacked so often, so I'm almost taken aback when people are surprised at my atheism.

When I look at the small circle of friends I have, most are atheist, they just don't like to talk about it as much as I do. Those who bring religious references into every conversation have been dropped out of my circle of friends.

I do talk about my spiritual views when asked, since it's tied to my business. Humanism, agnosticism, naturalism, freethought, etc., is a new subject to many a curious mind, so by describing my spiritual views to folks, I feel I am opening their mind a bit. And by being an honorable person, hopefully I am setting an example of how a good little humanist lives... which is not that different than a good little catholic girl, but I have Sunday mornings free. 🙂

1

Most of my life was wasted in religion and also in fascination with movies and movie actors. This went so deep that it prevented me from living a normal life as it should be. I did not want to be dad that took the family on vacation. I wanted to be dad that saved the world. In the end I was lucky enough to have saved myself. Thankfully I came to my senses.

Has my non-belief affected my social life? But of course. I came out of a world of myth and mystery to be hit hard with the reality of what we really know and what things really are. It is painful sometimes but I can never go back. I could have ended up the Marjoe Gortner of my era except that he did it first. Neither of us were Errol Flynn. My former religious friends think I will wake up someday. Some of them also think I will wake up in a place I do not want to be. Sorry. Fire and brimstone does not scare me.

2

I hardly ever bring up my atheism. It’s too boring of a subject.

2

Just steer clear of any talk of religion whatsoever - approach your new neighbors with an open mind. You will find some who are like minded regardless of their faith or non-faith. There are more things that we can have in common with others than just what church we go (or do not go) to.... This will be an interesting time in your life - see what new experiences are out there just waiting for you. Most people I know just "assume" I have some sort of religious affiliation. I just let them stew in their assumptions. 😉 😉

@lavergne good counsel . Thank you . Now you know you will get a turd gram for speaking to me.

@Bigwavedave Stick and stones may break my bones.....but turds will never hurt me. 😉 😉

2

I have had pretty much the same experiences. I find that most people don't really care about your religious preferences as long as you are decent to them. I find a few now and then who go off the handle. Cut those folks out.

0

Interesting overview of those life cycles. I am almost of the opinion that more people than not have a sense of "social alienation" in social groupings. IMO, just let it rip being a atheist. I have multiple social groups I interact in and being a atheist does not seem to have me too much on the outside (I receive pretty consistent amounts of invites to things). I never even dated a atheist, so I think you will be just fine!

If your new friends give you grief, play this little gem fo them;

Watch "Revenge of the Nerds Judy's accordion sing a long" on YouTube

0

I moved from a small town in Indiana to Philadelphia a year ago. I was pretty open atheist in Indiana but so far I hide it in Philly. My neighbors all seem catholic. My neighbor asked me if I was religious and he said he wasn’t but his wife was really into it. I told him I’m not religious either and that was all that was ever said. I play cards with him, other neighbors, and his family every Tuesday and religion is never brought up. I assume he passed on I’m not religious like him and they seem fine with it. I feel if I say I’m an atheist that would change things. Normally I feel you should be out as an atheist but so close to home I think I should be in the closet. IDK. I’d hate to lose my community feeling I have with my new neighbors but I know someday they will probably find out. Who knows. I have to agree being an atheist makes you feel separate from almost everybody else.

0

You have to learn to make your peace with the churches. I'd find a nice safe secular set of beliefs like buddhism or vedanta and wait for science to catch up with our belief culture. It's pointless to spend your life avoiding them I did too.

1

I throw out this as a question. How many people do you know that never mention a god, church, bible, etc? The vast majority of people I know do not have those words spew from their tongue. Are they atheists? Are they agnostic? Do they care? Do I care? I believe many people just flush their (usually forced) religious experience & go on with the rest of their life. They don't have a desire or need to label themself. I read folks here struggle with the godly people. I wonder if that's the agnostic in them, aka 1% believers. I have empathy for them because I see it as a unnecessary struggle.

1

my nonbelief has not affected my social life a bit. i was a loner when i vaguely beileved in a personal god, without giving much importance to him at any rate, and had no religion-related social life (i was raised a secular jew) and once i became an atheist at age 15 that didn't especially change; i wasn't close enough to anyone except my one best friend to discuss religion with anyone anyway. my being jewish has affected people's attitudes toward me far more than my atheism.

g

3

I couldn't stay quiet if I wanted to, which I generally do not.
I live in South Georgia, so I'm surrounded by believers.
I don't try to "go along to get along", it's nowhere in my nature.
The few people I associate with, all know that I'm an atheist and don't hide it, so the subject doesn't get brought up. They keep their delusions to themselves, having discovered that I will not allow them to preach to me.
I get all the "community" I need right here.
Nearly all my closest friends do not live around here, so I live a pretty solitary life.
Which is also fine by me. I don't like people all that much to begin with, so it works out.

3

I don't wave any flag. And I don't care if religious people drift into my life. I have several Christian friends and our beliefs never come up. I enjoy the hell out of these people. They are very dear to me. It would have been a tragedy if beliefs precluded these relationships. So religious or not it is possible an enriching social life awaits you.

4

I wonder how many others are athiests , but just don't bring it up . Personally , I rather like the Dame Maggie Smith comment . " Religion is like a penis . It's alright to have one and alright to feel proud about it , but it you don't need to pull it out and wave it in everyone's faces .

5

I can totally relate to what you have stated. I do not feel that it has caused me any inconvenience or negative issues.
Stay true to yourself, be who you are and strive to cause or do no harm.
I wish you well in your life's journey and success in finding what you are searching for here and in your life.

Well said .

Agree,personal happiness- does not equal perfection.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:410264
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.