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If Jesus saves, why are all of his human representatives alway asking you to give them money? Perhaps Jesus saves but doesn't share? Or maybe there is no Jesus, and those greedy, theiving bastards are lying. Naw, they're christians. Christians don't lie.

Bn4fE5 6 Dec 18
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36 comments

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0

It was not money that Jesus saved. Apparently he saves an unknown invisible part of you from total oblivion when you die. He might also save you from your enemies so try not to piss people off unless you really have Jesus. Strange that he does all this and could not save himself.

9

He saves by shopping wisely and using coupons.

6

Religion is a scam based on mythology.

5

Jesus has a REALLY expensive coke habit!

So may I assume you've already heard that blasphemous (LOL) joke about Jesus and the 12 having a party and sending each one to get the drugs people are using then?

@Bn4fE5 Okay just for you and anyone else who might need a laugh at this time of the year.

Jesus is getting bored up there in Heaven so he decides to have a bit of a 'Rave Party' to liven things up.
After noticing that people on Earth are taking 'substances' to boost their enjoyment, he delegates his Apostles to go to Earth and return with samples of those substances.
Peter returns first with a 10 kilo bag of weed, "the best on offer in Mexico, " he claims,
John returns with a months supply of Columbias best Coke, Paul hands over a 5 kilo bag of E Pills, and so it goes on until all the Apostles have returned except Judas.
Suddenly, there's a loud knocking on the door and voice shouts out, " DEA Officers here, open up, we have a Search Warrent."
Jesus gives a huge shrug of his shoulders and yells back, " Fuck you Judas, you've ratted on me again you Scumbag."

@Bn4fE5 No probs Mate, happy to spread a little a joy around.

5

Generally speaking...Christians are ignorant hypocrites.

Relax...you are in the right place here at Agnostic @Bn4fE5

4

Jesus saves, but according to reports he and the church spend a lot of money.

(CNN) : Between June 2017 and June 2018 the Catholic Church in the United States spent a whopping $301.6 million on costs related to clergy sexual abuse, including nearly $200 million in legal settlements, according to a report commissioned by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

So, Christians need to keep donating for this purpose and to support the clergy and Televangelists with all their cars and private planes!

4

Why do they need money? Can't they just magic anything they need with a prayer to the guy they are working for!

4

It's like the rich don't already have enough.

@Bn4fE5 it’s about power. Control of peoples minds. Be their authority, keep them ignorant. The money will follow.

4

Jesus saves...

But, Moses invests.

And Gretsky scores on the rebound!
(I know he's retired. The comeback is really old, but it still makes me grin.)

I refuse to take that phrase seriously.

The Gretsky one is always a welcome bit.

Before the Great One it was Esposito scores on the rebound. He got manny many goals in the crease

@bklynite53 I hate hockey.

4

Because you need 5 private planes to spread the gospel silly

@Bn4fE5 He and Copeland also said they needed a private plane because commercial planes like Delta were tubes of demons in the sky

4

I bet he's like one of those friends who brags about how frugal they are by saving all their money then they rely upon YOU to cover things throughout the day because they're always broke.

4

He never learned to invest.

No, he spent it all on 3 Nine inch Nails Concerts and a couple pieces of wood....LOL.

4

I don't think it was money that was supposed to be saved by Jesus.

@Bn4fE5 Probably Green Shield stamps.

3

Because they are con men

bobwjr Level 10 Dec 18, 2019
3

Jesus saves—- Moses invests
I don’t think either one was real but as Jewish kids we loved saying this
As hockey fans we used to say “ Jesus saves Esposito scores on the rebound”

3

An all powerful god does not need money. If he needs people to do his work then he is not a god.

3

In my youth, Jesus saved Green Stamps.

3

I am reminded of Jethro Tull's song Hymn 43 and these lyrics
If Jesus saves, well He'd better save Himself
From the gory glory seekers who use His name in death

3
3

He's about as good at saving as he is with his humanitarian activities. "God is love"? Let's have some cancer, black plague, starvation, the list would be pages long. What a cruel, vindictive, narcissistic god they choose to worship.

3

Christian priest just rape little kids, and threaten you with Hell.

3

I figure if he saves he is doing a VERY poor job.

Donne Level 5 Dec 18, 2019
3

I probably save thousands by not falling prey to that sort of scam.
Hmm, maybe I should round up some followers.....

2

Jesus spelled backward is Susej. Sounds like 'sausage'. Which is made from pigs which is fobidden by Jesus or something...I think!?

Also Susej when pronounced in the Swedish way sounds like "Susey". Is that where the name Susey came from?

I'm sorry I got distracted. I don't care if idiots decide to spend their hard money on a delusion. Every one has the freedom to be stupid with their money. Some people drink beer and smoke cigars. Some skydive. Some pay my net worth for some dumb artwork. Some gamble it all away. Some keep it in the bank and admire how big the number is. Some get a useless degree in college. Some throw it away on political candidates. I go to the movies and read fiction on a regular basis. I like to buy expensive technology i don't need. It's a big waste of money, I know.

Our economy is built on the pursuit if happiness. If someone fells happy giving their money away to useless religion I'm fine with it. As long as they don't interfere with the stupid ways I want to spend my money. When they do, I'll do everything in my power to shut em down. It's simple as that.

2

Oh Jesus saves, BUT the Bank Fees he has to pay are truly exorbitant....LOL.

2

Because he saves with Westpac in Australia and they are so dysfunctional that all savings get wiped out as soon as they go in

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