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I'm sure many people on here have religious friends and family members that get on your nerves. How do you deal with it? I'm tired of hiding I'm an Atheist and thinking about coming out of the perverbal closet . Looking for some input on the matter.

freedom41 9 Jan 2
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54 comments

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2

Just rip the band-aid off in one swift motion. Then he prepared to stand firm in the face of all kinds of bullshit from then on.

8

There is no reason to hide. At age 13, I became an atheist when I realized the Bible is just a book of stories or fables written by men. Like Grimm's Fairy Tales.

Be firm. Walk away from people who try to convert you. My friends who are Christian love me for who I am.

Some Christians who don't know me demand I explain:

  1. Why I am an atheist. "I chose rational thought, not magical beliefs," I reply.

  2. How the universe began (as if being an atheist automatically makes me an astrophysicist). "Nobody knows," I reply. "Science is advancing every year."

  3. What happens when people die. "Nobody knows," I reply.

  4. What is spirituality. "Hiking is a transcendent, uplifting experience for me. I feel grounded and centered high in the mountains."

  5. How can I have loving kindness without attending church and believing in a god. "Being loving and kind is a series of daily decisions," I reply. "At age four, I realized when I am nice to people, they are nice in return."

I would never corner Christians and demand that they explain themselves. Yet Christians think this is acceptable behavior.

Still working on hiking for #4. So far, it works on the treadmill after about 45 minutes.

8

“To thyself be true”....just be open about it if asked, no need to go broadcasting it otherwise. If friends and relatives can’t accept you and your beliefs, then that speaks volumes about them not you, but you will find out those who really value you as a person, and those who put conditions on their relationship with you.

7

Be truthful about who you are and what you believe. No need to hide your true self from family or friends. You might be surprised at how much of a NOT big deal it is for a lot of people you know.

7

I look at religion like I do sex. I am a straight guy but I feel no need to walk around telling everyone I am straight. Same goes for Atheism. Depending on the conversation and who it is with... I might say, "There are two things I do not discuss... Politics and religion." and leave it at that. If someone wants to really pry and they ask.. I tell them. I usually get no smirks or comments. I tell them "To each, their own" and religion just doesn't work for me. I don't try to convert them or tell them they are crazy and 99.99% of the time, they don't try to convert me either. I let them know I am more into hard scientific fact and there is none for religion.

I tell them I only have faith in my family and friends and only worship the woman I love. That's it!

At that point they stop and I have never felt anyone I have spoken to on the matter thinks any less of me because I am not a christian.

Well said and good advice.

6

To thine oneself be true. It is your life and you can live it the way you want to live it or you can live it the way others want you to live it. It is entirely your choice. Of course choices have consequences.

5

When I came out as an atheist, I didn't really have to deal with much, as they mostly just stopped discussing religion around me.

If you decide to come out as an atheist though, you may want o do a little preparation.... such as a little religious history and comparative religion. Here is a good example of what I mean...

That video was educational. It makes me glad I'm an Atheist and makes me regret getting baptized at the end of the last century. I would burn or shred that certificate I knew where it is.

Thank you. This is one of the better videos I've seen on the topic. I'll be tweeting this one.

@freedom41 it is irrelevant anyway...fergedabowdit!

@freedom41 I was baptized in my teens.
My mom said, you want to get baptized?
Me: No.
She: You'll get presents.
Me: OK.
Nowadays: No would mean NO.

5

My oldest sister is deeply christian (she preaches in local churches). I have two other sisters, one slightly religious (but not a church goer) and the other as atheist as I am.

All three are WONDERFUL sisters - for which I count myself incredibly lucky.

However this is, I suspect, a direct result of our upbringing in a 'relaxed', British society (not brutally religious like, for example, bible-belt America) with a mildly religious mother and atheist father.

5

Why are you hiding that you're an atheist? If you're asked about your religious beliefs you simply reply that you're non religious. If they ask what that means you explain that it means you don't believe in the magical fairy people who live in the sky.,Wthen he replies "Neither do I. I believe in God.." then you reply "Yes you do", then he replies "No, I don't.", then you reply "Yes you do", then he replies "No, I don't.", then you reply "Yes you do", then he replies...so on and so on.

This continues until one of you punches out the other.

5

I just say "I'm not religious anymore, I believe we should all love each other".

SalC Level 6 Jan 2, 2020
5

I've tried to make my mum think Godless for the last 10 years. Has not worked.

The issue, I think, is that belief gives them comfort. Non belief leaves a void.

I've heard that planting small questions in their head to think about works. Just enough to get them doubting. Personally I'm just not subtle enough.

Good luck.

4

You can't pick your relatives. But you CAN pick your friends.

Always remember, just because you are related to them, doesn't mean you have to like them, or spend time with them!

@AnneWimsey Right you are, Anne. In my case, I tried to be open and non-judgmental, but they weren't able to do the same. I hate to sound conceited, but what the heck, it's their loss.

4

Change the subject as soon as a tiny bit of claptrap/proselytizing/criticizing appears! You are under no obligation to listen to anything that makes you unhappy! And if they (incredibly rudely!!!) Persist, walk away. You will only need to do it a few times if you do it consistently, just a few years ago bringing either politics or religion into Any conversation was considered to be Very poor taste! IMO it still is!

4

I try to meet people where they are at and accept their best attempts to be good people. When conversations get tricky, I try to focus on the parts I agree with or ask questions and try to defer from commenting. I went through a "tell everyone everything" phase and eventually realized I'm perfectly justified in keeping quiet about things people will struggle to accept. I try to get in time with other atheists as much as possible to let off the pressure but otherwise have found ways to deal with religious people in ways that creates the least amount of discomfort possible.

4

It is important to be true to yourself. You have nothing to hide. We do not get to decide what to believe or disbelieve—if something seems plausible belief will arise spontaneously.

But why does belief matter anyway except that Christian dogma says so? If someone pesters you about your belief or lack of belief just tell them that it’s personal and you don’t want to talk about it.

4

I've been honest with my family about my atheism for as long as I can remember.
I didn't sugarcoat it, or ease them into it (as has been suggested), I just announced it when the subject of religion came up at a family gathering several decades ago.
Their reactions were varied, but that wasn't my problem, it was all theirs.

None of us have to apologize, or otherwise justify, coming to reason.

Just because they're your family doesn't mean you have to humor their delusions.
Don't allow yourself to be bullied. Be out, be proud.
Your mind is open.
Congratulations!

I'm thinking of making the annoucement on Facebook. Two bomb shells with one post. The other is me being bi .

@freedom41 I wish you good luck with both announcements.
If you need moral support, I'm always available and I'll do what I can.
Be gentle with yourself, and remember that your own happiness is more important than theirs.
Be true to yourself above everything.

4

I treat family as I do all others.. Call it as it is, and let the chips fall as they may… If family, or anyone else for that matter, want time with me - ‘this is what you get.’

What they get is honesty, support, encouragement and any help I can offer. If it’s more important they remain in the land of make believe, their choice … but they won’t find me 🙂

Varn Level 8 Jan 2, 2020
4

Be as respectful of their right to think as they please, as you would like them to respect your equal rights. Be honest about your understanding, but don't shove it down their throats. Regardless of your good will, some may distance themselves from you (my brother cut me entirely out of his life). Politely accept and honor their choice. Others (like my sister) will love you even more than before.

If anyone tries to convert you to their religion, listen to them and read whatever literature they give you. Then you may point out weaknesses in their arguments and ask for solid evidence of what they are telling you. They will probably point to the Bible as "evidence." At that point, ask for evidence that the Bible is believable. You might even point out false prophecies and contradictions in the Bible. At that point, the person trying to convert you will generally give up and go away.

This is according to my own experience. In other settings, it might be different. In any case, be respectful and gentle with others.

4

I tell everyone i am atheist and if they don't like it they can piss off lol worked with my family too.

That would get a mixed reponse in my family. However I might have try that. I don't like sugar coating much of anything.

3

My Sister, and her husband, and grown sons with kids of their own - all holy rollers ...

At one point I had to write a long letter to my Sister in order to quell all the attempts to "save" me.

She's the only family I have left - but I was ready to cut her loose if it didn't stop. She got the message !

Sounds like she needs saving more than you.

@FSMGirl They're very happy with their illusions, and as long as they leave me alone about them, no problem !

3

Unless you want to alienate a lot of people it might be best to ignore their religious rants.

3

The majority of my friends and relatives are religious .I do not have conversations that pertain to religion or god so they do not get on my nerves

A good way to handle it. I have the same problem as most of my friends and family are somewhat religious and I’ve found that the best way to handle that is to not discuss religion.

3

I didn't make any big announcement, just stopped agreeing with the hype and made the occasional comment like, I think the firemen/doctor etc had more impact than any thoughts or prayers. Most interesting was at xmas lunch when mum prayed thanks and I just looked around to see that none of my siblings were praying either.

3

I just say I don't believe in gods or devils (that last part important bc many religious mistakenly believe we're devil worshipers), I just believe in being kind.

I know what you mean, I am surrounded by religious fanatics. And if that doesn't satisfy them, I invite them to have a question and answer session (bc I have my own questions on how people can believe).

3

Nope, very few religious friends and none of the overt type. Out of 7 kids all but one is atheist and my little sister is JW (before she was 7th Day Advocates - can't seem to make up her mind). Next November will be a FFRF convention in San Antonio. She lives near there (New Braunfels) so I will go and have some fun with her.

3

I'm lucky enough to live in society where religious observance or belief is not assumed. I've never had to come out. I have religious friends and family members but they don't tend to get on my nerves. One exception being religious platitudes being offered at funerals. I have to remind myself that they say these things for their own comfort and whilst they probably don't understand how hollow their words are to me, there are better times to explain that to them.

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