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Hi. I’m new and am curious. Does anyone else feel they have to pretend to believe in God in order to have friends and belong to organizations in a small town? I depend on my friends, family and organizations to avoid loneliness and have a social life and would most likely be ostracized if I shared my beliefs.

Gaia 4 Jan 7
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83 comments (26 - 50)

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4

No I don't pretend to be something I'm not, I'm atheist and everyone knows. I don't care what anyone thinks about me.

4

There are a lot of atheist in the closet. My Niece and her family came out in a small town in Utah and they literally had do pack up their car and flee for their lives to avoid being murdered by their loving neighbors. I hope some day you get to live out in the open. There are more non-believers than evangelicals now, the world just has to catch up.

4

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

I do not hide my atheism.
I also don't care what anyone thinks about me, so I don't have the same considerations as you do.
I'm so sorry you feel like you have to hide.

3

Situation like this should be evaluated for best possible outcome. In this case, there's nothing to be gained by outing one's self. Sometimes it's okay to live in silence with what we believe, if we are truly worried about being ostracized. In my case, since you asked, I've gone to great lengths to surround myself with people who either don't believe, or don't care that I don't.

3

I'd rather be me, and be accepted as me - or not. I choose not be around closed minds - related to me, or otherwise. I'm willing to deal with the consequences of that stance.

3

the only time I ever pretended to believe in god was as a 16yr old with a crush on a girl who was involved with an evangelical youth group.... didn't last very long...

blzjz Level 7 Jan 8, 2020
3

In my social circles, I simply refuse to discuss anything having to do with religion. If pressed, I say that my beliefs are my concern, not theirs.

3

This is sadly common in some areas of the world, in some areas being agnostic can be a death sentence, so at least you are not there.

In my view, and not just for God beliefs, I think if you have to pretend to be someone you are not in order to have friends and a social network, then you do not have friends or a social network.

Rather you have pseudo friends and a pseudo social network, and frankly humans are worth more than phony friends and social groups. If these people cannot accept you for who you are, if they expect you to accept their beliefs but tell you your lack of belief is unacceptable . . .
Then they do not meet my definition of a friend.

www.recoveringfromreligion.org

3

No, you must live in the bible belt. Nobody I run into believes whole heartedly in .god anymore. The churches are really down in attendance. Some are for sale.
I’d just keep quiet about god. Listen closely. There must be other doubters at least. Some you can relate to

3

Those of intelligence appear to ..go along to get along in small towns.. Those of integrity likely leave. The dumb believe whatever their told.

It appears to me that those who stay, perpetuating the myths of religion in order to ‘get along,’ become bitter. They must feel both guilty and gutless for not having stood up. And, they appear to become the most dangerous to those who doubt or question the ‘established ways’ … due to their bitterness..

What I’m finding, having now experienced both, is you find your own kind. You become valuable enough that the bad one’s need you, and your resources. As the good ones learn from and rely on you.

Two problems: finding a mate; raising children. Good luck ~

Varn Level 8 Jan 8, 2020
3

I would not be able to conform to a god belief for the sake of other's. That would be living a lie. My sanity is more important.

I have been asked whether I was muslim, Hindu Christian a few times. I replied I was an Atheist. No-one own my life. They're not in charge of my thoughts or outlook in life. I am free to be who I wish to be. ...but that's just me. I would not be able to conform to a system or society, like if you can't beat them, join them. Nah not me. I really cannot do that. What kind of people or friends would turn their back on you just because you think differently? What happened to the human side of them?

2

I have found that it is best not to share beliefs unless asked and, even then, do it very slowly and in small bits. A true believers mind has trouble comprehending non believers and they tend to jump to conclusions because they are conditioned to NOT think or question.

They tend to jump to conclusions about you being the devil or a baby eater. Stuff like that.

2

I live in a small rural town. In texas. What a life of religion has taught me is that Christian and Muslim people have an obsession with controlling the beliefs and behaviors of other human beings.
They are taught from a very young age to fit in, to 'fit the mold', to go with the flow. They are never taught to analyze the flow, to question the why of the flow.
In small towns, this issue is magnified because of good old boy politics and rampant gossip.
Until religion recedes more, I do not see an end in sight......

2

I'll never be able to pretend. After a conversation about religion in our quality lab, I had a sidebar conversation with one of my coworkers. She told me that she doesn't believe in god either, and I responded by saying that I didn't say that I don't. She laughed and replied, "You didn't have to say it."

I never bring it up, but it's going to come up sooner or later. Religious people cannot refrain from dropping their beliefs into conversation forever (for long). When someone else opens the topic, I won't lie.

JimG Level 8 Jan 8, 2020
2

So timely. Last night THE FOUNTAINHEAD, (an Ayn Rand Book) the movie was on. While I do not subscribe to her views I do love this book and this movie. Haven't seen it in a long time. What struck me was, perhaps the main theme, the contrast between Howard Roark and 2 other characters. The other 2 sold out under enormous pressure. That pressure represented a lot of people with huge leverage on them. When highly challenged they sold out their beliefs and their honor. Whereas, Roark stood fast in the face of possible jail time, career damage, and of course, being apart from society. Bless Ayn Rand for having him win in the end...not guilty..the woman of his dreams. success. Life isn't always so kind. But all of us, in our, perhaps, little ways, (or big ways).need to be heroes. We need to hold fast. The reward is feeling like we are soaring. So, on this site, we help each other soar.

Star Trek, the next generation, did an episode entitled "Fountainhead' probably based on the book. It was quite good.

2

I never pretend to believe. I just politely resist their constant requests to come to church. Eventually they all figure me for a heathen!

2

Move to the UK. Or Canada. Or anywhere in Europe that isn't Poland. Or Australia. Or New Zealand. We're all a bunch of heathens out here.

I take it that you did not grow up in country Victoria renowned for its myopic religiosity nor under the influence of Hillsong and American & NZ evangelists? PM Morrison has just introduced a revised bill allowing religions to discriminate against members of other religions and of course agnostics - Nero merely fiddled Morrison just introduced the following -
[sbs.com.au]

[hillsong.com]

@FrayedBear I know! Scotty from Marketing is as bad as the arch Catholic onion munching Abbott!

@MrBeelzeebubbles in the godbothering stakes worse. At least the budgie smuggler didn't proselytise to the same extent.
Did I read that you are now in Manchester? My life in Oz started there.

@FrayedBear Yup. Emigrated to the UK in 2004, first Cambridge then the glories of Manc land.

@MrBeelzeebubbles My hometown w was Blackpool. Have you "treated" yourself to its delights?

2

I don't discuss sex politics or religion, otherwise the weather here in Vegas is beautiful.

How's the gambling - in favour of the casinos?

2

For some people, I keep quiet about my atheism. I do NOT pretend to believe in gods. If asked, I respond honestly that I am an atheist.

2

Yes, and not just friends, but family too.

Which can be even more difficult. Strangers one can avoid but not always family.

2

Fortunately, I don't live in Texas, a bible belt state, and believing in fairy tales is not a requirement for friendship. I keep my beliefs to myself unless I'm asked and that almost never happens.
What IrishTxJudy suggested might work. " I merely say that my beliefs are personal and don’t feel the need to share. " Good luck and I hope you don't have to move to a more liberal location if you otherwise like where you live.

2

I'm only "out" to a few close friends.

Does not seem to be an issue.....I assume that the church people assume that I am not religious because I don't go to church. It would be naive of me to think that they don't make note of such things.
That said, my only social life here is going out for a beer at the local pub. I don't think for a minute I am only amongst other lonely atheists. But in the bar AND in the church, faith for many does not run deep.

Home is where my heart is anyway.

twill Level 7 Jan 8, 2020
2

Well I can't relate to your situation entirely because I live in a city. We get all kinds of people. Most of my family is religious/theist(Monotheist), but they know I'm an atheist. My father is an atheist, but I never knew that until I was 19. My mother is a Monotheist who adheres to some of the Christian ideas of belief and worship. I have an older cousin who is also an atheist and I'm not sure if her kids follow after her on that or not. I never asked them if they do. The other religious/monotheists family members are religiously diverse; we have Muslims, Christians, and Buddhists. We all love each other and make time to talk with each other and see each other. We have our problems with each other sometimes, but none of our problems is due to religion.

2

Absolutely not. I have friends of various religions and we simply don't discuss it. However, I do not think I could be friends who judged me for not being a believer. I'd have to find new friends who think as I do, or move to another town.

2

I don't think I've ever came out, other than join this site. No formal declaration unless someone asks. When subjects come up, I've said, "I don't believe that" or "I don't subscribe to that notion" or some variation.

I've told this before, but when my father died and I was in the room, I called my brother. My brother gave it the old "I wish he'd found his peace with God" or some such. I asked my brother how long he'd known Dad. Dad was un-churched. Didn't go. Mom drug us kids to church every chance she got until we were old enough to go or not go. My brother continued, I did not. Ended up hanging up on my brother, abruptly. He accused me of being testy. I asked him what he expected. Dad had just passed and I was maybe five feet away from him and my brother has to start with that crap? What good did saying that do?

Not much you can do with "the god fearing". They drank the koolaid and they're goners. I feel sorry for them. I'd hate to think, after a loved one dies, that I have to be worried about his or her soul. Or my own when I die. It's such a crock!

By the way, I hate that expression "god fearing". All kinds of paranoia wrapped up in that expression. What a lousy way to "live"

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