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We come into this world naked and alone. Tied by a lifeline to our mother. We sure don't leave that way in the usa. Old and infirm of mind and body and dignity. I am all for the individual being able to choose their exit. Both my parents died a miserable horrible death . I don't want that path.

Hit me with the bus.

Bigwavedave 8 Jan 9

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I fully support people being able to end their lives whenever they see fit.
For whatever reasons they have.
I don't think anyone else is remotely qualified to determine whose reasons
are valid, and whose are not.


I have been fighting battles with the medical establishment about my 94 year old Mom. She is (or was) pretty independent. The decline at the hospital was quite stunning - lets pump her full of drugs, not feed her, or give her enough water. She just put in rehab after a short hospital stay. Finally getting enough food, minimal drugs, but they still want to do everything for her. Twice in 2 days I had to tell them to stop and that she can dress/undress herself. I understand they are in a rush - multiple patients, but very frustrating.

CS60 Level 7 Jan 10, 2020

None of us want that path. A person working in a funeral parlor once told me they wanted death with dignity. I replied that death has no dignity. We are born toothless and bald headed. If we live long enough we might exit this same way.

There is just death and dignity is only an illusion and a made up idea of "what is proper." Dignity has meant falling on your sword, yet, not so much any more.


We are kinder to animals than to each other in this regard. Selfishly keep an animal alive to suffer because you want to avoid or postpone the grieving process, and people shame you for it. Do it to a human and they applaud it. Go figure.

Sometimes we're unkind to ourselves as well. My oldest brother wanted to avoid amputation when diagnosed with an aggressive and rare bone cancer on one leg. I begged him to follow medical advice. I told him if it was me I'd order it removed and if they wouldn't do it I'd rip it off myself and club them over the head with it. I told him we'd all chip in for a state of the art prosthetic. But while he wasn't one of those charismatic nutters, he was convinced on some level god would come through for him so he doctor-shopped until he found someone who would try to save the leg. He died five months later with a tumor the size of a canteloupe on the side of his leg. Crying all the while that god had abandoned him and he couldn't figure out why.

This is one of the most graphic reasons I see fundagelicalism as a great harm. It purposely removes empowerment and self determination and makes life more rather than less painful and then tries to elevate that cruelty into a virtue.


I've told all of my family that if my cancer comes back I will not do the treatment protocol as it is now and I'll just take the time I have left. It is much less successful than the initial protocol and a lot worse. This may change and I'd evaluate it away that time, but as it is now I would move and obtain residence in a state that allowed euthanasia with terminal illness and enjoy the time I have left.

Jennw Level 4 Jan 10, 2020

Um, no. Try a cliff.
Sorry, being flippant, yes the campaign for death with dignity is a worthy one and so many don’t join it until it’s crux point. I’m sure your national or local groups would appreciate your support.
Having worked with people at end of life, and lost people to cancer, there is a definite point that most don’t want to live to. When you need morphine for pain every time you come around is probably too far past it for most.

I want the morphine.

@K9Kohle789 each to their own. I prefer not to be in that much pain. Perhaps I didn’t explain properly; she had to take so much she passed out again each time.

@girlwithsmiles not good then. I want to live till I'm in too much pain and go by drugs. I don't prefer other methods, I guess accidents are fast but you don't get to put things in order. Like what do . you do about appointments everywhere??? Not a fair way to go.


it's not really my style, but the way Clint Eastwood dealt with it in that Gran Torino movie was pretty clever.

@hankster lol yea. I'm not sure that's for me either!

Never saw the movie. How did his character die?

@Redheadedgammy I don't want to spoil it. but he gets the best of some bad guys and avoids the misery of a long death.


I plan on stepping in front of a train....always bearing in mind I must still be mobile to make that happen. And yes, I feel bad for the engineer, but I will leave a note & he will get counseling.....

Yikes! No way. Maybe leave the car running in the garage or a bullet if life gets that bad. Assuming euthanasia is out of the question as it more or less is by a compassionate dr or hospital.

@Bilbobagins never try anything that can be reversed once you lose consciousness! Because you will be found, and more or less revived, and committed to an asylum. Making everything in your world So Much Better. Bullets are best but my ex took all the guns......

Some train drivers can deal with that, some can’t. It’s not something I’d want to inflict on them in case they’re in the latter group.


If you intend to take yourself out, better make arrangements while you're still mobile and capable. Once you're in that hospital bed, drugged up and tubed up, it will be too late.

No, you can medicate yourself to death as my wife did. Most cancer patients in stage 4 end up on intravenous morphine (pain pump) . That way no one else is responsible for killing you.

@Bilbobagins not every disease lends itself to that option. ALS, for example.

@BitFlipper I suppose. That’s a bad one


Neither do I dad had a quick death mom died of cancer slowly, quick is better

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 10, 2020

I don't know if N Carolina has death with dignity rights. I live in Oregon which I believe was the first or one of the first to enact death with dignity. It's comforting to know we have that option.


I'd prefer something less painful than a bus, but certainly plan to do it on my terms.


My dad just died yesterday. He went in for sepsis and pneumonia and was there 11 days. The last day we forcibly removed him from the ventilator and allowed him to quietly go on his own. No pain, made comfortable, when problems began, we insisted, made comfortable! He went how he wanted. No machines.....

Sorry for your loss, Larimar. Glad your dad's wishes were followed.

@Larimer I am so very sorry for your loss.

My condolences

Thanks y'all. I'm three states away. I moved here to put distance because they're toxic to be around. Doesn't matter, still hurts to lose him. I know it's not going to be easy to go back long enough to say goodbye.


No, no bus. That is not very dignifying and can be very messy and what says that you will die. You may be a vegetable. Better get some nembutal.


Knowing my luck, I'll die in some sort of weird and absurd way.

Like a giant molasses flood (such has happened once... [the flood, i mean, not my dying], a hundred years ago).

Then I'm donating my carcass to science.

"Weird and absurd way." Damn, you must be lucky. That is how I want to go.

@Beowulfsfriend - Oh, I won't want it to be weird or absurd. I'd prefer to go painlessly and in my sleep, like my Grandfather (and not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus). j/k

The strange just has a way of finding me and it's biding its time before it decides to kill me.

I have the newspaper clipping from that Boston flood!

@AnneWimsey - :::jumping up and down excited::: Scan And Post! Scan And Post! Scan And Post!!!

@LatentumCattus first I have to find it...I think it is in one of my mostly unused cookbooks. Supposed to rain tomorrow, I hope it is there & intact. People died, but it makes me laugh every time!

@AnneWimsey - one simply must laugh at the truly absurd. Of the billions of people before and the billions to come after, there are 21 people who share this singular distinction.

While the loss of life itself is certainly tragic, the circumstances demand a level of "WTF??".


When my time comes, I hope I'm walking across my cotton field and ZAP!! I get hit by lightning.


Yes if the time comes when I can't have dignity shoot me please

I have an agreement with my brother. If I lose my life to senility or alzheimer's, he will take me deer hunting.


I believe there might be a less painful alternative than the bus....but I take your point. 🙂😉 And I agree - the time and place and manor of our passing should be ours to make.

@lavergne .. ibthink the bus would be pretty immediate ! Lol


Death by nitrogen asphyxiation is effective, painless and simple to administer.


I think when the pain is too much no one else can fairly gage that except the person suffering. If a person has no escape from suffering but the end, that is their choice.

I, like you, am aging and the prospect of some long slow drawn out death is not appealing.
However "Hit me with the Bus" reminds me of a news story 4-5 years ago in Nor Cal. A man, terminal and awaiting a long slow death, decided no. So he booked a helicopter ride, and about 2000 up, unbuckled and jumped out.
Fell 2000 ft into the ocean and survived, was rescued, and had his condition horribly worsened, and rendered himself incapable of consent for the legal and approved "compassionate death" of CA.

SO maybe a little more thought than a random bus might be in order?


i have always believed people should have the right to choose. My favourite author Sir Pterry (Terry Pratchett) did a documentary about it Choosing to Die he wanted to go out with a glass of wine and his family around him. I heard of a farmer who was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease, the second time he was found wandering around the farm and was brought home by neighbours he knew he did not want to wait until he was completely gone. There were no options other than to check himself into an old people's home and wait for the end. He waited for a day when everyone was out, rang the police to tell them what he was about to do and where he could be found, went into the shed and shot himself. He did not want his famiy to find him and in his note apologized to the police who he knew would be affected by being the ones to first come across his body. It would have been far better for everyone concerned if he had been able to do it peacefully and with them knowing and ready. It is high time we gave people the right to make these choices. Technically there is already assisted deaths, when my mother was dying the nurses kept coming in and turning up the morphine, not enough to kill her but enough to compromise her breathing and slow down her already damaged heart. At least she was not in pain. She may have lasted a few more days without the morphine. My uncle, dying of cancer, was also put on a morphine drip and my aunt said that the nurses kept on coming in and fiddling with the machine (in all probability turning up the dosage) again not to kill him but to dull the pain the side effect was also that it hastened his death.


Many states (all the west coast ones) have Death with Dignity program. It is spreading to more states but these tend to be the more liberal ones. Good luck with any program that addresses compassion in the religious south. The is a site that helps people exit easier. It's called "Final Exit." []


I'm with you. But please keep in mind the poor bus driver and anyone else who witnesses your demise. If you end it at home please bear in mind any first responder or anyone else who might find your body.

I have considered a large plastic bag over my head tied around the neck. It will at least be a clean scene for some poor unfortunate to find.

As soon as you pass out, your body will claw off that bag! Same with pills, (vomit will happen), drowning, you will try to swim! The body has a strong will to live, no longer under your mind control once you pass out, you need a gun, a train, and/ or assistance, or you end up in the nutter ward.....

The Final Exit book addresses this. It is best to get a tank of helium and some sleeping pills. The pills make you drowsy and the helium replaces the oxygen. It is recommended one get a helper to remove the bag afterward. It is recommended to read the book as some forms that people often use are not recommended.

My late partner immediately opted for the state Death with Dignity when she was told she had an inoperable brain tumor. It was an amazing trip. In the end, just a few hours before the meds. were delivered she went into a coma and died hours later. She donated her body to a willed body program and someone from the University of Washington came and got her body. I have become a big advocate for this program and have a fb link to the group. The program of death groups and cafes is increasing and there was an article in last Sundays paper. I wrote a letter (with a NPR link) that went to all 3 of our local papers. Have shared it on this site several times. In the spring our library will host a well known speaker on the subject of legal avenues that deal with this issue.


I couldn't agree more. Both my parents died unexpectedly in their sleep (at different times of course). As hard as it was not being able to say goodbye, the fact that there was no suffering on their part was what got me through.


The question that comes to mind is, why are you on this mind set today? Any particular reason you may want to elaborate?

When do you think is the best, or appropriate, time to think about it?

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