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Since the title of this section is "Love & Relationships" this is the place for this post. I had a girlfriend a while back who fell in love with me in 2 weeks. Her teenaged kids were "in love" with someone new every week. My opinion is that you can't fall in love with someone you don't know and weeks certainly isn't enough time. I've said I love you to 3 people in my life (excluding family), it's not something I throw around lightly. I wondered where such a notion came from that you just say I love you at the drop of a hat (ignoring "love at first sight" because you might sense it but you probably wouldnt say it). The it hit me while watching Gunsmoke today and a woman had know a man for 2 days and she said she loved him. I guess if you see it on TV enough people think it's something that's ok. Could that be a reason for the high divorce rate in the U.S.? Do you find falling in love in days or weeks normal?

lerlo 8 Sep 1
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16 comments

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0

A lot of people are actually in love with being in love. The person is irrelevant, they want the passion feelings, the adoration, the cuddle stuff, the care and concern that love brings to the table plus someone to mow the lawn.
I have only been in love 2x and one died a teenager the other passed in 2005 after 26 yrs together. He mowed the lawn too!

0

I have experienced infatuation, but I've never been on the receiving end. Thank goodness I'm old and cynical now.

1

Pheromones are not love. Alas I do not know what love is other than my dogs' devotion. But that might have to do with food. =0}

1

Some people can't make the distinction between love and infatuation. Love isn't desperate to get in a hurry.

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 2, 2020
2

I do not find it normal. Only people that say that, in my experience, are narcissists and they do not mean it they are just love bombing a person. At that stage it is infatuation lust or a crush but sure as hell not love. I also never throw that word around willy nilly and I am always the 2nd person in my past relationships to say it, once I actually feel and mean it.

2

Some people are naive or innocent enough to think that love and relationships are just like on TV and movies. The rest of us are lucky enough to be older and wiser. Lust and infatuation at first sight happen. Love takes much longer to be real and lasting.

3

A chemical high can occur quite quickly when two people experience some sort of connection after meeting and starting to get to know each other. The brain releases dopamine and norepinephrine when people are attracted to each other. Many mistake this as emotion and think they are falling in love. The thing is these highs don’t last so if a couple doesn’t bond some other way, through friendship, mutual respect, or companionship, they most likely won’t stay together once the high is gone.

I would say that some of the increase in the divorce rate is due to impulsive decisions made while being “in love.” As the love wanes and fades, couples decide to uncouple. However, I also think it’s due to the change in our attitudes about marriage. Divorce doesn’t have the stigma that it used to, and women can and do earn decent incomes to the extent they don’t need the financial security of a spouse as much these days.

3

Love at first sight is bullshit. I believe there's lust at first sight, Interest at first sight, infatuation, desire, even obsession but actual love takes time to develop.

1

I have to say I blame religion for this. If you’re told you have to be in love and married to have sex, then you sacrifice good sense and reason for libido.

Well that excuse doesnt work for my non-religious ex-girlfriend

@lerlo Its a pervasive in our culture, though. And it’s origin is religious.

@Reason-Able so you say

@lerlo Well, I’d say that’s pretty obvious since I typed it. There’s nothing that says you have to agree. Merely putting my two cents based upon my own experiences.

8

Love after 2 weeks is an indication of good old lust combined with someone looking for a fairytale.

4

As has been mentioned, I think divorce is much more complex than could be covered under one umbrella. Perhaps some people don't consider love as deep a connection or commitment as others? I don't know that I can speak to that.

I was 28 when I met my future husband and up until then, had only told two men I loved them. Although we knew each other at work, my husband proposed 17 days after our first date, and we were married until his death. After that, however, I was much more selective about who I dated and how much access they had to my kids. In fact, they had pretty much none. Although I may have been extremely protective, I think your girlfriend should have been a lot more selective in who she introduced to her kids to, love or not.

3

Possibly

4

I agree. I have only been dating Bob a little over a month. We spend our weekends and midweek with each other but still getting to know each other. I have thought past relationships were love after 2 weeks. No more. Love takes time. My girls are grown. When they were younger they saw mom fall in love several times. This is real life not a tv program, movie or play.

6

No, I don't think it is the reason for the high divorce rate in the US. There are so many factors, that would be one of the minor ones in my humble opinion. Sometimes people confuse what type of love they are in. I will never love a man like I love my grands, and whereas I love my kids enough to take a bullet for them, I love the grands enough to make an effort to intercept that bullet before it gets close to them. Part of it, I think, is wishful thinking. If I tell you I love you, then it will come true. And part of it is convincing yourself that this is "the one" because you're actually sick of the searching process. And face it, those of us over 60 have had a different upbringing than most of the population. To the younger folks it might not be a big deal. To me, it is a big deal. I'm not going to say it until I am sure of it and that it is safe to say it. I think "love at first sight" is likely lust, just your hormones talking.

agree Paula.

4

I feel sorry for the kids. It must be a confusing life fir them.

4

You might look into Borderline Personality Disorder, if very curious. They work fast! I’d experienced the same (with one), suggestions of marriage not far behind.. Problem was, I eventually fell in love with her, and ..admitted it 😕 And I’m as reluctant, or serious about it as you...

This is one I expect to learn more from others than my own experience. Married, far too young, for nearly 3 decades, I still take ‘love’ very seriously. Have been in love once since my brush with BPD. ...talked with ‘her’ a bit today.. Not only my total lack of attraction to her, but this internal feeling of - Dog Damn - did I dodged a bullet ...leaves me happily free for.. more freedom 🙂

Varn Level 8 Sep 1, 2020
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