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As someone who grew up with physically and mentally abusive parents this always hurts to read. I spent my whole childhood thinking I was being punished by God. That I did something to deserve my parents abuse. The worst part is the believers can’t even imagine how saying this type of stuff could be harmful to someone else. Now, I can get over it as soon as I scroll on to the next post. As a kid though, I always wondered what “lesson” I was supposed to learn from my parents and prayed that someone would save me. It never happened.

1EarthLovingGal 7 Oct 3
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21 comments

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10

Sorry for your ordeal.

Religion is evil, it poisons everything it touches.

@VeronicaAnn I've always contended that religious faith is a mental illness. It is rooted in delusion and delusion is a symptom of mental illness.
If the religious indoctrination of children were classified as felony child abuse, that would go a LONG way toward ridding ourselves of religious influences. At least in this country anyway.

9

Yea it's hard.
We were abused by our abusive Christian parents because they loved us. (Right?)
They talk about honoring your parents to live a long time. Implying we might die if we don't honor them.
Spare the rod, spoil the child... and people wonder why people like me hate all things religious.

@1EarthLovingGal Religion is just part of the noise but sometimes frames the nature of odd human behavior. Like people that can't have a conversation without a "God is Great!" from Islam, the version of that in the south would be "God bless you" Same thing, just a justification for treating some people worse than others while maintaining the status quo expected in a male dominated society.

8

Most of us would get along so much better in life if we would come to grips with the fact that we are not special as an individual. Yes, you are different than the other snowflakes but you are still a snowflake and there is no god to care one way or the other. Just be special to your family and your life should be a happy one. Religion does not seem to know this, or want you to know it either.

8

Vomit.....My mom still gives me the religious BS and says my disbelief is even going to send her to hell like that would convince me to "change my ways" Her abuse was enough.

@1EarthLovingGal Hence, why I rarely visit, never stay with her, and it's a short trip. My dad died in January and I'll go on Thanksgiving for 3 days and stay with my brother. You'd think a parent would get a clue when none of their children want to spend time with them. She's toxic. My sister-in-law who is the sweetest person in the world, won't even go over there.

Your post reminds me of my dad. He believed the church some what, however he had a passel of children, Catholic you know, and when he got frustrated with his disobedient children yell, "you are going to send my poor soul to hell." I don't know how my sibling felt, but for me, I thought it was funny. Just the thought. I know that was abuse, however I had worse abuse to deal with.

8

Most children try so hard to be good. It's always very sad when the parents don't realize that or take advantage of it. I think you have been getting therapy and seem to have a relationship with your mother now. Forgivness seems to give freedom to to the person who does the forgiving. I hope your family patterns have changed.

8

Welcome to both sanity and humanity. 🙂

7

The best advice I can give to someone who is young and coming out of that type of nightmare is to never isolate yourself, there are especially nowadays, many different people who have been through similar things and can help when you run into some barrier that seems insurmountable.
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Probably the best mind-tool I used when getting out of all of that dung, was telling myself that if I become like them, they have won.
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I also take it further . . . . I have been through far more hell than the average person, so I deserve better . . .
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Also there is a point were you have to decide just how much you are willing to deal with family, who often can be absolutely toxic. At a certain point in time, I just dropped them like a hot rock, because it was not going to get any better, they could not listen. I'm not saying everyone should do that, that it just my experience.
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Sometimes those who have seen the deepest depths develop the strength in the process . . . to climb the highest mountains.

6

I too was verbally abused by my mother. I learned not to trust anyone. During recovery I learned my mother was mentally ill. People often stared at me during my life time. I thought it was because i was ugly as my family caused me to believe. Learning the truth, helped me see that I could also learn to trust, and today I have many loving people in my life.

6

People that stupid shouldn't be allowed to have children...

@1EarthLovingGal One can only hope... Unfortunately many of the ones who don't go to church tend towards being a member of a televangelist cult...

4

I know where you are coming from, I had a very nasty abusive, on ALL counts btw, 'mother' ( if anyone in their right mind could her that), I still bear the scars, physical and emotional, from her, BUT I also had a truly wonderful Dad.
I swore that I'd NEVER grow up to be anything like that utter Bitch but would strive to be like my Dad instead and hopefully I have thus far succeeded in doing so.
I was literally FORCED to attend Sunday Schools, I use the plural here because I was actually EXPELLED from EVERY Sunday School, Primary and Secondary School Scripture Classes as well, because I DARED to ask questions or try to put across my thoughts, etc.
No-one, absolutely NO-ONE deserves to have abusive parents, siblings, partners, etc, etc, but unfortunately some Abusers are so truly well disguised as wolves in sheep's clothing that they easily slip through our natural defense barriers.
Stand tall, walk proud, be yourself for YOU are a survivor and resolve to yourself NEVER to allow yourself to repeat the errors, etc, of the past.

so im curious if you married "your mom" or no? ty

@bbyrd009 To whom are you asking such sickening question?

@Triphid it's pretty common?

@bbyrd009 "Common" you say, where I ask?
Most definitely is it NOT legal nor is it in my family, my life nor anywhere I know of here in Australia.
Geez Louise, someone would have to terminally sick in the head to even consider marrying their OWN mother.

@Triphid ha ok "your mom" in quotation marks lol, not literally your mom

@bbyrd009 I use the ' ' marks as my version of saying that in my opinion she was as far from being what a mother should be as this planet is from the centre of the Universe.

@Triphid ah sorry, your point being?

@bbyrd009 Although she gave birth to me I don't consider her as being what a mother was truly meant to be.

4

People don't realize how completely selfish they sound when they are trying to sound humble. To think that a god has blessed you/protected you while simultaneously allowing others, especially children, to suffer is the height of hubris.

Happy you made it to the other side.

People really should "think before they speak" and truly consider what they are actually saying when they claim to be blessed.

4

My mom's approach to child rearing was divide and conquer. I was about 28 when I realized certain truths about her and moved on. My twin not so much. Parents should be licensed, that's sort of a joke. The degrees of dysfunction make a difference and thank goodness religion was not the reason for her issues.
Societal norms play a big part, at least 50, 60 years ago.

@linxminx And that 'sweeping under the rug' gets us people like the tRump family. Unfortunately abuse is the gift that keeps giving and the 'freedom to have as many kids and bring them up in any way you want will be the death of this planet.

4

Sorry for that , I never did that with my kids

@1EarthLovingGal Hang in there honey

3

It's a self centered concept to feed the mother's ego and bolster her self esteem - probably injured because she unconsciously followed her mother's abusive style of parenting.

@1EarthLovingGal - I hoped not as well. Kids need parents who are willing to love them and care for them regardless. Add God to the mix and the expectations on kids can become unreasonable.

2

One of the sentences I remember from a sermon preached in church were those: "It is better to tie a stone around your neck and throw yourself in the river, than to harm a child." I don't think some church going parents ever take that to heart. I know my mother didn't.

2

You've heard of the "Reward and Punishment" system. My parents used the "Punishment and Punishment" system. No reward or positive recognition EVER.

I only got rewards or fake niceness when either parent was trying to manipulate me or get information out of me. It took me until my late teens to recognize, that if my mother was being incredibly nice and calm and supportive SHE WANTED SOMETHING. And once she asked for and got what she wanted (usually info about my dad or other family or money) she went back to being her toxic dramatic self. I imagine it would have been better if she never had those fake nice moments as it confused the fck out of me and would make me think, at times, maybe she is not that bad. She definitely was and it's a good thing she's gone. She was a textbook narcissist

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❤️

skado Level 9 Oct 4, 2020
1

My mother was a firm believer in spare the rod, spoil the child. She made me go to church twice a week. She stayed home, never saw her in a church after her mother died.

1

sorry to hear you were abused. Hope you're doing good these days.

0

Just remember the diamond, if it had not been under constant pressure when it was coal, it would never had become a diamond. So now you can sparkle, let go of the past and be in the moment. Enjoy your Day.

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