So this guy PM'd me after he didn't like my comments below and passive-aggressively offered therapy. Then he read sexual shit into totally normal conversation that wasn't sexual at all.

I'm sure it hurts like hell to have your kid cut you off but he's convinced me that his son's actions were most likely justified. Even in this post, he's focused only on his kid and what his kid is doing wrong. Anything that was on him is long ago and far away. Except it's not.

I've screwed up big time as a parent and worry that my kids will cut me off. They are teens and will be becoming adults in the next few years.

But first and foremost I've learned to take responsibility for what I've done. If my child cuts me off, I'll know that it was because I made serious mistakes. I'm doing everything I can to be a better person but I also know I can't erase the past.

Again, I'm sure it sucks, but blaming the kid is only furthering the problems that caused this in the first place. The only thing anyone can really do is take a good long look at yourself and change yourself. If you're not willing to do that, then you have no hope at all of ever making this right.

You crossed major boundaries left and right and you don’t seem to feel any genuine remorse. Of course he doesn’t like you. Why would he? You traumatized him. No child should ever be burdened with their parents emotional shit. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that you told him you wanted to kill yourself and got mad at him for wanting you to stop telling him this stuff. I know you love your kids, but you did a shit ton of damage and unless you completely transform yourself, you will never have a healthy relationship with him. Good luck.

Don't go into great detail about your past transgressions. It's too much for him at present. Just let him know you love him, give him some space, and let him know you will always be there for him. Maybe send him a card occasionally. Let him do what he has to for now. You and your wife get counseling in the meantime and live your own life and try to be happy. He may decide to come around some day in the future. He is no doubt still processing. It does hurt but you can't change the past and he has to sort through what's best for him. There are no perfect parents!! Best wishes...

So your kid's a pansy who can't handle a little hardship? What exactly is the alternative that you think he should be seeing? That he should just man up and continue to put up with whatever shit you may still be blindly dishing out?

The ability to hurt others and the ability to stubbornly refuse to acknowledge it on go hand in hand. You're willing to acknowledge you did wrong but aren't willing to accept the natural consequences for those choices. What are you still doing that you aren't willing to acknowledge?

I know many people who have cut their parents off because they continue to be toxic influences on their life. If you really have changed your behavior and things are as wonderful as you claim then it's time to stop whining about your son putting boundaries on you and take responsibility for your choices. That doesn't seem to be happening at all.

We can only see our lives filtered through our lenses. And our memories are formed in our brains so what we remember is unique to each person even if it is of the same event. I don't know if this helps you any.
At 19 your sons brain is still not fully developed. He is still finding his way.
Personally I don't think our kids realize how tough it is to be a parent until they become parents themselves.
I wish you the best of luck.

I appreciate your honesty and recognizing your part in what contributed to your son needing to pull away for a while. He'll sort it out eventually. It's tough being a parent and we all do our best given our specific circumstances. It can feel like a thankless job sometimes. But we don't do it for the 'thanks' we get, right?

Thank you for sharing your story. My ex-wife and I separated when our daughter was two years old. At the time I felt ripped apart but made sure that I was there for my daughter. When I look back on it I think that it was the best decision at the time because I thought that there was no point in staying together if she does not want to be with me. Yes, I agonized over it for a very long time and continually worried about my daughter. The truth is that more than 98% of my worries were unfounded.

By the the time my daughter was 2 years and three months she could dive into a swimming pool and read when she was four years old, I taught her. We visited all the museums in London and all of the children's theaters and much much more...

Two years ago she sent me the following message on Face book: "
Happy Father’s Day to my Dad who taught me to be kind to everyone regardless of culture, religion or gender and to always live in the present moment and not dwell in the past on what could have been. I have never known anyone more unique or passionate about the constant search for knowledge.

You taught me that you can do anything you set your mind to in this life. I love the fact that when I was a little girl you repeatedly told me that nature loves diversity in the gene pool because I am half of you and half of mum. Although not the most conventional father you are one most of the most inspiring and interesting people I know".

In 2018 she took second place in the UKBFF (United Kingdom Bodybuilders Fitness Federation) Competition. We chat on a regular basis on WhatsApp..

Stop stressing. What was, happened. You can't change it. Be as good as you can be now. The relationship may come out as you want, or not. Respect his feelings. He may not want what you do, and it is his life.

One of the myths of Amerika is that families are happy, loving, wonderful. Some are, but many are not. My father was a monster, and I was never close to him. It's OK.

Apologize for any wrongs you may have committed and let him know that you love him, be careful and safe out there, and that your door is always open to him

You can't change the past and the future is wide open. It's the present that you gotta get through, alone and without him. It's his time to use whatever tools he has, you gave him

I don't know, maybe take a break from everything with or without your wife. Good luck with it, sounds like you did what you could under tough circumstances, people are going to do what they do, can't change it.

Have you availed yourself of therapy? I am believer in therapy having needed it for myself plenty over the years. Your feelings of depression and feeling overwelmed, the constant fighting with your spouse, and perhaps an over reliance on your oldest to serve as your friend and confidante (just a guess on my part) would seem to me to be things a good therapist might be able to assist with.

I had a very difficult time with my parents, my dad in particular. Having time away from him when I was teen and early adult was an important step for me, although it didn't solve my issues with him. Time and therapy helped a lot even though now in my 60's I'm still working on issues I have with him (and he died 15 years ago).

With my own sons, I feel a certain amount of distance from them as well like I experienced with my own parents. Perhaps I recreated the situation I struggled with with my parents. Or perhaps we had other issues. I realized I was not a terribly available parent emotionally, even though I thought I was - I did try to be and I believe I did a better job than my dad did with me. Still, it is difficult to have issues yourself - and all of us do - and to always be available for our kids whenever they need us. Parenting may be the most difficult job there is to do and do well. The needs and roles the parent needs to fulfill are constantly changing as a child grows and the uniqueness of each child requires adapting parenting styles for each child - quite a trick when you are raising more than one at a time.

I'm so glad to be childless. I've got enough troubles in my own.

I'm on the side of your oldest.
My dad was really judgmental, always making it clear just how disappointed he was in me every time we made contact. So I avoided him until the last few days of his life when I found out he was dying of cancer in 2002. He apologized for things that didn't matter and couldn't remember anything that did matter to me.
All that was before I came out as trans, while married, as a dad, and at the top of my earning history.
Children can sense the judgment of their parents even when the parents do their best to hide it.
He is immune to your observations because he has his own perspective that you had best make peace with or you'll lose him, just as my father lost me decades before he died.

If you admit he is right several times, stop using the buts that follow. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to justify with explanations. Acceptance and tolerance are the key.

As my therapist told me, our children are not required to like us or love us, they have a right to their feelings, and can go their own way in life no matter what we want. You did your best, as do most parents, so don't beat yourself up, and just let him know you are always there to talk and hopefully in time you can mend the relationship. Being available to our kids no matter their age is an important part in loving them.

Keep sending Christmas and birthday cards with a banknote in them. You have to play the long game

we do the best we can and we have to let them be adults

Just leave him alone. He may come back and then he may not.