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Getting "ghosted" on humanist.com and agnostic.com (or really any "social" website)
I just heard the best advice today

β€œI have over calculated my significance to that person.”

Somnium 6 Dec 17
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12 comments

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0

I beg to differ. Your expectations of any social media site are apparently overblown. No stranger, especially one online, owes you anything. None of these sites guarantee response. Would it be nice if people were polite? Sure. Do you respond to everyone who sends you a message? Do you respond to every post on every one of your social media sites? I'm guessing you don't . Are you ghosting people? Especially on dating sites, some people have too many responses and don't know how to handle them all. I'm told some women get hundreds of responses. Are they supposed to answer them all? Are there any rules when you're allowed to stop talking to someone?
Rather than suggesting that you're giving people too much credit, you might want to start by thinking that your expectations are too high for someone you never met, who never owed you or promised you anything. Trust needs to be earned.

lerlo Level 8 Dec 18, 2020

@Somnium I'm "guessing" if you can take a guess as a statement that pretty much sums up why ghosting bothers you

0

Forgive my ignorance; but what is "ghosting"?

0

Maybe you should be hosted instead.

0

My ex turned up out of the blue yesterday and talked to me for 3 hours. I found her motive to be curiosity coz she is working from home, boredom, and just catching up. She thinks I have stolen money from her, wants answers, and maybe a little check. She is not likely to get any of that. I'm friendly but not stupid. Do I have more money than her? Yes, and it makes her angry.

5

This never happens to me becuz I never assume I'm significant to anyone. The likelihood that someone is spending tortured nights dreaming of me is nil at best.

3

This from Psychology.com: Some research has shown that people with an avoidant type personality (those who hesitate to form or completely avoid attachments to others, often as result of parental rejection), who are reluctant to get very close to anyone else due to trust and dependency issues and often use indirect methods of ending relationships, are more likely to use ghosting to initiate a break-up.

Other research found that people who are believers in destiny, who think that relationships are either meant to be or not, are more likely to find ghosting acceptable than people who believe relationships take patience and work. One study also suggests that people who end relationships by ghosting have often been ghosted themselves. In that case, the ghoster knows what it feels like to have a relationship end abruptly, with no explanation, no room for discussion. Yet they seemingly show no empathy toward the other, and may or may not experience any feelings of guilt over their ghosting behavior.

Ghosting is by no means limited to long-term romantic relationships. Informal dating relationships, friendships, even work relationships may end with a form of ghosting. For the person who does the ghosting, simply walking away from a relationship, or even a potential relationship, is a quick and easy way out. No drama, no hysterics, no questions asked, no need to provide answers or justify any of their behavior, no need to deal with someone else’s feelings.

Ghosting hurts; it’s a cruel rejection. It is particularly painful because you are left with no rationale, no guidelines for how to proceed, and often a heap of emotions to sort through on your own. If you suffer from any abandonment or self-esteem issues, being ghosted may bring them to the forefront.

In this age of ever-advancing technology, your ghoster is likely to appear on various forms of social media and, if that’s the case, this person who is now physically gone from your life, is still quite visible. How do you move on? Unfortunately, there’s no magic bullet or proven advice to quickly guide you into recovery from a ghosted heart, but there is common sense.

Avoid reminders of your ex, say the experts. They’re likely to cause painful emotions to resurface, and they won’t help you get emotional closure or insight into why they broke up with you.

Stop torturing yourself by going over old photos, saved old texts, new social media postings, and anything else you think might give you insight into the mind and current whereabouts of your ghoster (and let’s face it, you’re bound to be doing that even if you’re not normally an obsessive person), try to find a new distraction.

Perhaps most importantly, know that this probably isn’t about you or anything you did wrong.

Good advice for me to follow. I’ve bee ghosted too frequently. Time to get rid of the past memorabilia

3

Stealing that...

2

Sometimes it's just not worth the trouble.

1

Good thing I don’t believe in ghosts either...
It’s so easy online...much worse if it is an actual in person relationship..but either way your statement is valid

3

It was probably a bot who figured out you weren't likely to wire them money

Yep, copped more than few of those pests elsewhere but never on this site though.

2

oh I've been ghosted on this site before...by my "100%" match from this site's algorithm no less!

Algorithms are pretty much meaningless. πŸ™‚

4

Good advice. And keep in mind that some of those ghosts are scammers so you’re better off without them.

UUNJ Level 8 Dec 17, 2020
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