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Let us all laugh at religion!
post something you find very funny about your previous belief system.

Basem 7 Mar 19
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7

Sitting in a dark confessional with a thin piece of black material between you and the priest, while you told him your sins. As a child, I would sit and think and think and think what I possibly did that could be considered a sin so I would always say the same thing, that I talked back to my parents, or I lied about something, even though I really hadn't done either. we belonged to a small country Catholic Church and the priest knew everybody anyway so he certainly knew who he was talking to on the other side of that dark material. So stupid. I always thought how ridiculous it was that you had to tell your sins through a priest for them to get to Jesus. Why couldn't we just go straight to the imaginary skydaddy.

Martin Luther asked the same thing!

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When I was SEVEN years old (and had a lot of doubt about the religious bullshit my parents believed), I was in church one morning when a little old lady spilled some of the grape juice the Baptists used for communion services, which they ACTUALLY BELIEVED was the blood of Christ. Well, I had seen the church ladies pouring Welch's grape juice into the communion containers before the services. So I knew damn well it was grape juice and not blood. But being the helpful little kid I was, I scribbled a sign and left it on the seat where the little old lady had spilled it. And in keeping with the cockamamie belief system, I wrote, "Caution blood of Christ" on a piece of paper to keep people from sitting in it. Well, holy shit, my parents went ballistic. WHY? I never figured it out. Should I have written, "Caution grape juice?" They were just mad as hell at me, and I never to this day figured out why.

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That the pope is infallible.

the pope listens to slayer

5

During the UFO craze I recall a preacher who claimed it was an invasion by the Devil and he said he actually saw this female UFO occupant and later met her in a small cafe. As usual, they all use the book of Revelation to back up this nonsense.

Are you sure that he was not trying to tell you that he was having an affair with one of his parishioners?....LOL

if this monkey preacher met this alien at the cafe, people would have taken tons of photos and published them, the entire world would have known that aliens are finally proven! how could they lie and not knowing that its easy to tell their lies!!! damn!

5

Jesus was born of a virgin.

4

When I found out there was no Santa Claus I became an Atheist. I was 6years old.

Amazing now how Catholic church has taken St. Nick off their liturgical calendar now!!! You were wise beyond your years!

@marvSm59 And where is every travelers favorite, St. Christopher. De frocked for what.

4

I never have had belief but... what I find funny is religious clothing, particularly hats. 😀

Leelu Level 7 Mar 19, 2021
4

While in Turkey in the military a few of us 20 something young men were sitting around in the barracks shooting the bull. Music. Who’s best? The Beatles or The Rolling Stones. Someone got around to religion and god’s forgiveness. I was all ready a confirmed atheist. I ask if Hitler begged for forgiveness just before he shot himself (also a sin), could he then go to heaven. He said yes. I said wow.

Doubly sick when you consider that the Jews Hitler killed would all still go to hell.

@LenHazell53 Jews do not believe in either Heaven or Hell.

@AnneWimsey That's the point. Christians are ignorant even about that which they hate.

4

Speaking in tongues. Sounded like a bunch of jibberish to me.

It is a bunch of jibberish.

I saw that once in a Pentecostal church, creeped me right the fuck out.

@xenoview someone once told me at school it's a language which only you can communicate with god. I frowned and asked, can you ask your god to pay you a visit and call me. He said god will come in his own time. I thought what a lot of "bingo" crap talk.

I never got into speaking in tongues. It would not come natural to me. In time I saw that a variant of the same old babble was said but they kept changing around what it meant depending on the current subject at hand. It is all made up!

@DenoPenno definitely all abracadabra 🤣

4

Never actually had a Belief system as such BUT I can still find great humour in the Belief Systems of others though.
So, where would you like me to start?

3

Like the forthcoming "Savior on a stick" day? Or the following "Holy Zombie" day?

3

I remember this image from the inside of one of the religious texts of the JW's when I was a little kid, even then I thought to myself, WTF!?

3

Funny that it still exists.

Mvtt Level 7 Mar 19, 2021
3

You have to go along way to better Mormons believing in bullet proof magic cotton underwear

2

Try this, the FIRST 3 (THREE) words printed in the Book of Genesis.
" In the beginning..........."
The 'beginning ' of WHAT exactly?
Was it it Time?
Was it the entire Universe?
Or was it when this Omniscient Sky Daddy suddenly REALIZED that he/she/it had been hanging around in TOTAL Darkness and Utter Oblivion?
Did this Omnipotent Sky Daddy suddenly REALIZE that he/she/it was bored shitless, etc, etc, and wanted to find out if a single spoken word could echo through the absolute nothingness surrounding him/her/it?
How could something that, according to Believers, is " beyond ALL Time, Space and Matter," IS nothing solid but completely Ethereal actually expect to create a sound in a complete and utter vacuum WITHOUT vocal chords, a mouth or air to cause the vibrations that make up SOUND in the first place?

i can make it easier for you though! god or else known as daddy felt he needs to poop after his meal from KFC, so there was no light, and thus he made the heavens and the light for him to be able to see the way to the toilet. lol!!!!

@Basem That may well be because Sky Daddy, Allah, Jehovah, etc, etc, actually forgot that to have LIGHT then first one MUST create/invent an ACTUALL source of Light in the first place?
And that since KFC is so 'Finger-licking good" that the FINGERS MUST be licked BEFORE taking a shit and NOT after it has been taken....LOL.

It was a mistranslation. The Bible is actually a baseball book that starts, "In the big inning."

@editor20 Or, since the game of Cricket dates back to well BEFORE Baseball was invented perhaps it meant 'The First innings of a 3 day match between Jehovah's Eleven versus the Eleven selected from the other Deities....LOL.
And, since there was NO light it would have to have a match played with a WHITE Ball so the Batsmen could see it coming...LOL.

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Proof that Hinduism invented USB drive first

2

Hinduism invented WiFi 8,000 years ago

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The whole Bible, especially the Noah’s ark nonsense and the “Parting of the Red Sea”.

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All of it.

2

Here is one. I have created (not copied or stolen) about 8,000 graphics over 4 years.

I've heard plenty growing up in the temples including space and space travel. I listened to a Tamil teacher read from the book and think to myself "what planet am I on"? ...like they're talking about things maybe yet to come.

1

How about one OFF the Chrustian ( Christian) theme here.
According to Islam, Mohammed, piss and pox be upon him, "jumps upon a Flying Horse and ascends to Paradise/Heaven."
FFS, what did he do, go across to Ancient Greece, ask to 'borrow/hire' Pegasus?

piss and pox upon him.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1

A debate about the effect of transubstantiation on a low-carb or vegetarian diet. Does the high-carb cracker now count as low-carb meat? All completely serious.

Yeah well, in that case does it also mean that Vegetarian/Vegan Christians CANNOT partake of the Sacrament since it would go completely against their Non-Carnivorous Standards/Ideologies?
The 'honky-tonk,' a.ka, 'Plonk or wine, would be 100% acceptable to the Vegan/Vegetarian Community since it IS produced solely from vegetable based sources BUT who knows for a 100% certainty what, EXACTLY goes in to the Crazy Crackers that mystically and Magically convert into the body of Jeebus Chrust after being eaten?

Isn't it just the catholics who believe this gibberish?

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Which one and which part? And it's all just make believe,

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Decades later I was sitting in a pew and took the occasion to actually read the prayer book. Prayer after prayer after prayer described the act of lighting incense. But I never, ever smelled incense in all the times I went as a child.

And speaking of pew, I DO remember sitting in a Christian church for Jewish high holy days (which was too weird), looking at the absurd stained glass depictions. While admiring the beauty, the most putrid stench hit my nose like the seat of an outhouse. The ladies in front of me must've had a diet of preserved dead vegetables or worse. Yeah, pews... well named.

0

Current head of state says ancient Indians figured how to do plastic surgery and head implants.... Lord Ganesha

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