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I made a mistake and am now being shamed for it, I went out with a couple of friends because it was the night of my senior prom, there was drinking and a lot of other things and sometime in the night someone slipped something into my drink, I blacked out and when I came back to my senses or as much sense as I could, I was at home with my father looking down at me telling me how much of an idiot I was I twisted my ankle and might have a slight concussion but am not allowed to go to the hospital for it bc I did this to myself, I made the mistake of going out for one last hurrah before I graduated and now I'm being shamed and shunned for it, what do I do? How do I deal with this?

Catalaya22 5 Apr 16

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4

i am so sorry that happened to you. You did nothing wrong. Take care of yourself.

@Nomack FFS, she's a teenager. They often make poor or not well thought out decisions. Her prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed and won't be until she is at least 25. Since the prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning complex cognitive behavior, personality expression, decision making, and moderating social behavior, it isn't any wonder why or how it happened. Pretty sure you made mistakes in the past and continue to make them even now. Have a little empathy.

@AdorkableMe How is telling someone to be responsible not showing empathy. When in trouble you don't post on social media you do what needs to be done.

@Nomack Again, she's a teenager and she's asking for advice, not a lecture or condemnation. If you don't have any advice for the questions she is seeking, maybe you should skip this one.

@AdorkableMe Yes the advice was get "yourself" to the hospital Catalaya22 as you did to the party. If in real trouble act in a responsible adult manner and get help, not post on social media. I can't imagine her father who houses, feeds, clothes, and possibly pays for her internet connection is against an investigation into a unconscious teen who may have suffered immeasurably. The seriousness of the allegations scream police and medical testing. Don't post, call the police. Start with the friends you went with.

@Nomack Because you don't know half her story yet and are being a bully!

I "got" myself to a party by jumping in the back of my friend's car, a friend that is currently not around, I pay for my own food, clothes, bills, etc. I can't call the police if I don't remember most of what happened, I;m asking for advice about what I should do and can do at this point

@hemingwaykitten How is "Don't post call the police" being a bully. Catalaya22 needs to get medical attention and a police investigation going. Starting with her friends like you.

@hemingwaykitten I take exception as to bully as a verb means to force, how do you do that online. Also as a friend recognize the seriousness of her post.

@Nomack Holier than thou much? You have NO IDEA the shit she has been though with abusive parents.

@Nomack Last time I ran into a know-it-all as obnoxious as you I was talking to a believer.

@hemingwaykitten Forgive my ignorance what's a believer

5

Great answers here. You have nothing to be ashamed of

@Nomack wow. She went out drinking and partying after her Senior Prom. Oh the horrors. Get out of here with that shit.

@Rudy1962 What shit?

I went out to my FIRST party after my FIRST ever dance, I didn't expect anything to happen, I was trying to be careful and I only took drinks from people I knew, well at first I did at least I honestly don't remember if I took them from anyone else

@Catalaya22 you went out partying after your Senior Prom and was having some drinks, like most teenagers do. Again, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your fault someone spiked your drink. There are always going to be some judgemental people who probably have done the same thing as you....But somehow get on some false moral kick about it.

@Nomack Somebody spiked her drink. Her friends took care of her AFTER SOMEONE SPIKED HER DRINK. Nothing was her fault.

WTAF

2

@Catalaya22 I have been where you are at right now. I know it is very hard to be an adult today, but you must get out from under your family. If there is a Youth Services in Mount Vernon please call them. They can arrange for temporary housing. It can't be long until you graduate. If you can trust a school counselor ask them for help. There are a lot of people here who care about you and have been in your situation with a family of believers. If I can help you please message me.

Here are some resources in your area:

Mt. Vernon Housing Authority
619 Broadway Street
Mt. Vernon IL 62864
618-244-6275

National Runaway Safeline
Serving the Mount Vernon Area.
800-786-2929

Gateway Homeless Services
Open 24 Hours
St.Louis MO 63016
314-231-1515

Thank you so much for this, I actually graduate in a month which is really good, thank you for not judging me

@Catalaya22 Got your back! That Nomack is a real pisser, ain't he? Hell of a site for someone who thinks he walks on water! Be safe, trust someone and get help ASAP!

I will thank you!

@hemingwaykitten I've seen enough of his posts over the last day to know that I don't care to see anymore. Blocked. No f*cks given!!

7

P.S. THere is a new fingernail polish developed that all you have to do is dip your finger in your drink and it will change color if there are drugs in the drink. I don't know if this is out on the market yet but I know I got roofied and if they had had this I would have been wearing it to be sure. Maybe look into availability for future outings. Also you are one of our own, we will always support you.

That would be brilliant. It would be easy to paint something you keep on a keychain or have tiny test strips, too. Working in the bar business, I am all for doing what can be done to keep my customers safe and happy.

Do you know what the brand of nail polish is? I'm sorry you had to go through that and thank you, not everyone sees it that way, some people see it as it being my fault for going out and putting myself in the situation which admittedly it is but I can't go through life not trusting anyone bc that wouldn't be life that would be prison and I've just escaped my own form of prison when I moved out of my mother's home, I do not want to have to shove myself into another one

@Catalaya22 I wish I did, I can't remember if I saw this online or tv but it was a news type show. I found it fascinating and I don't know if they have it marketed yet but I do think it is a brilliant idea and wish they had it when I was young and got slipped a roofie. It is not your fault for wanting to enjoy life! Not ever!!! The fault lies with those who drugged you so they could take advantage of you. As a society we need to stop blaming women for what others do to us! You dint go out that night saying to yourself "Im gonna get drugged and assaulted tonight, oh well." That didnt even enter your mind and why would it? It isnt a normal happenstance.

@Catalaya22 It is not your fault that some lowlife decided to poison your drink.

6

Go to the hospital, report the drugging to the police. This is not your fault, if you did not willingly take whatever substance put you in that state.

Excessive alcohol can put people in that state.

@Nomack please read my post to you. You don't have all the facts and are making assumptions which are incorrect.

@Nomack While you are correct that excessive alcohol consumption can lead to blacking out, that is not an excuse. A possible concussion is not something to mess with.

Regardless of the cause of the blackout, whether it was a roofie, or excessive drinking, that does not excuse her parents refusal to allow proper medical treatment and shaming. There is no justifiable reason for a parent to shame or shun their child for youthful indiscretions or poor decisions. Negative reinforcement does not work to produce a healthy, well balanced adult.

@icolan Agreed

0

Did you asked us before you went out what may go wrong? Cant find your post with your question... I reckon you knew all your answers then. Not trying to be Rude or Evil but you want us to look at you as a child now when your acting as a grown up backfired at you in your face. Are you showing any remorse for your actions... not to us... we are not your keepers... remorse to your Father. Was he on your mind when you went out? You can't switch back and forth child/adult/child when you screw up. Life do not function like that.

I went out to my FIRST ever party and was given something that could've actually hurt me, I'm not switching from child to adult I'm asking for advice, my father threw things at my while I withered on the couch bc I felt like my entire being was being torn apart, I wasn't trying to act like an adult, I was trying to hang out with friends that I probably will not see after I graduate, I wasn't asking you to be my keeper, I know completely where I screwed up and yes I am paying for my mistakes I do not regret saying goodbye to my classmates with one final hurrah which again just happened to be my first ever hurrah, yes my father was on my mind which is why I was dressed modestly and I only took drinks from people I knew and knew (at least thought I knew) I could trust, I know very well how life functions bc I have been living the life that my mother was supposed to live the moment she had my youngest sister and decided that parenting just wasn't for her so plz if you don't have any helpful advice on the situation don't shame me bc I'm getting enough of that as it is

@Catalaya22 you need to talk to your father, I have 2 daughters they know they can tell me everything and I always will be there for them. We have our rough moments as being human will provide but they can tell me anything because always will be my little girls. You and your father need to talk. I am not trying to shame you or taking your father side. I don't know if your father carry pain for your mother and reflected it on you. Time to talk. Remember your father knows something worst could had happen and you always going to be vulnerable so time to talk is now. Mend the fences while you can. Regardless who is wrong or right. I have never used the word shame in conversation with any blood of mine. Strange word to my lips...

@GipsyOfNewSpain I do not think her father is Anything like you.......please stop acting as if she can rely on him in any way....refusing to let her seek medical attention is not only cruel but could be criminal!

@AnneWimsey honesty, I only know her side as she puts it and been father of 2 daughters they are under my protection until they die or I die. I don't know his side so I've been giving him benefit of the doubt. Because I don't put much stake on one siders for the obvious. I had seen men (husbands, fathers) been made a monster for the sake of sympathy and future actions painted a different persona and not a monster. We can go back and ask where is the mother on this. All I know is her piece as presented. I am hard to be manipulated without all the facts.

11

OK, now I'm going to shame your dad. Not allowing you to go to the hospital for a possible concussin because you did this yourself is criminal. That said, high schoolers out drinking is always a mistake, but I should talk, I was one myself who did that. The other, much bigger criminal act was by the one who slipped something into your drink. I hope you are OK.

godef Level 7 Apr 16, 2018

^^^THIS^^^

My dad is my best bet when it comes to parents but I understand what you're saying I will try my best to get to some kind of doctor, I've already started saving up for when I do move thank you for your advice

1

Welcome to the club. I’m 52 and have blacked out many times. It happened just a few weeks ago with others in the same state of drunkenness. Don’t let it bother you, shake it off and move on. Wait, what? Do you know that someone roofied your drink? Were you raped? How did you get home? A visit to the hospital may be the best thing for your foot and maybe a drug test along with a rape kit.

Black out drinking is usually the sign of a problem. Pls. be aware.

Being roofied is one thing - drinking to the point of blacking out is another.

@RavenCT Thank you for your concern. It's only happened a handful of times in my life. I have a very low tolerance for alcohol. But, it has happened.

I don't think I was raped and I'm vaguely sure that a friend dropped me off at home

4

We are here for you. You did not do anything wrong.

@Nomack
Not all of us are responsible at this age. You live and you learn. You grow into yourself.

@Wildgreens Agreed, quite simply this is serious, she should seek all the professional help she can, and I can't believe her father is against an investigation into possible drugging and blank memory getting home.

5

I don't know you, or if this is accurate, but I will take your word for it. When you have the opportunity to get a decent job, do it. Save money, and get the hell out. I'm sorry, but your father is an asshole.

I wouldn't say he's an asshole, he grew up in a different time/ place/ etc, he wanted me to be aware of consequences but he doesn't know how to properly show me and he is a bit emotionally disconnected

@Catalaya22 If you say so lol

2

Just own up to it.

  1. Acknowledge what you did wrong
  2. Ask for forgiveness
  3. Ask what you can do to make it right
  4. State how you will use this as a learning experience. That a twisted ankle and a bump on the noggin are minor compared to what could have happened. That you will try to be much more careful in the future.
  5. Politely ask (if you think it is necessary) to see a doctor.

Unfortunately, from past posts I know her family is abusive regarding her sexuality and nonbelief. Would you be so kind as to give advice with this knowledge?

She is a great young person and tortured by her parents and siblings on a daily basis for being different. This infuriates me and I would like her to get other good advice aside from mine. Thank you.

@hemingwaykitten perspective is always important. I would still offer the same advice. If there truly is abuse, defiance and behaving irresponsibly is only going to escalate the problem...and don't give me that feminist bullshit about "that's blaming the victim" you weren't there and have no idea what is really going on. So don't jump to conclusions, she has a different perspective, the parents have their perspective, you have your perspective, I have my perspective. I offered advice on what I thought would HELP her situation, not make it worse. Now that being said she is free to ignore my advice and go with your advice...that should make you feel better.

10

What on earth do you think was a mistake here? Celebrating senior prom? Drinking? Do you think all your friends were also making mistakes then. I don't think so. Not sure what the drinking age is where you are but here 18 is old enough to vote, to marry, to die for your country to buy booze and certainly to drink it. And if you had drank too much and passed out from over indulgence then you wouldn't be the first or last to test your limits. But it doesn't sound like that's what happened. If you're drink was spiked that's not your fault. Yeah sure there's some valid advice out there to be aware of the risks, to keep an eye on your drink and various tips to deter and detect those who'd take advantage. However whether you did all of that or not, it's still not your fault. Hospital first, police next and if your dad want's to obstruct justice ask him why he's on the side of the rapists.

Your trying to shift responsibility while insulting those who obviously cared enough to raise her.

@Nomack I have read this thread with growing disbelief...this gal is distraught and already realizes she used poor judgement. You, however, are a cold, nasty, punitive person....I am totally disgusted & appalled by your self-righteous BS! Nothing bad ever has, or ever will happen to you because only bad people get troubles, right? Oh, wait....an evangelical troll!!!!

3

Not letting you get medical attention is Child Abuse within the meaning of the law! You also may have been raped, that's the usual reason things get slipped into drinks. Is there a guidance counselor in your school? Can you call your family doctor yourself? Is there a Hotline for abused women in your area, or a Planned Parenthood? Your father is an Idiot and trying to keep it quiet to save His ego! That is not love, and not acceptable in this situation At All, If you have no other options, this needs to be reported to the police!

I don't think I was raped, I don't remember any pain in that area, I have a guidance councelor at my school that I will see tomorrow and I don't think there's a hotline or planned parenthood around my area and I don't know if my dad is trying to save his ego or just trying to teach me a lesson in the most brutal way he can. Thank you for your advice tho.

@Catalaya22 Sexual assault doesn't have to be painful or violent. At the very least you need to discuss with a health professional and follow up with testing. Since you have no memory and suspect being drugged, it is a major possibility and concern.

2

It may seem like a big deal now, but believe me, in 20 years you are going to laugh your ass off about it. Just grin and bare it, and congrats on your graduation...We have all done stupid shit as kids, learn and move on...

I disagree, its been about 20 for me and I am still pissed that someone thought it was perfectly ok to drug me. She was drugged and assauted against her will and that will never be something she laughs about 20 years down the road. Men seem to have a different attitude than women about this, what if she had become pregnant? And what if she were to seek an abortion? Never mind the emotional and physical trauma from that decision alone, add in the religious nutcases that would then criminalize her and let the guy off with a "boys will be boys" attitude and a good natured slap on the ass. She was lucky she didnt suffer the consequences of someone elses selfishness for their one gratification at her expense.

wow carry much anger with you? you should see someone about that...
also no where in that post did I see she was drugged and raped....think you need to check yourself before you go off on someone lady

0

Figure about a month's or less worth of contriteness.

cava Level 7 Apr 16, 2018

WHY should this person be contrite? She was the victim of a crime.
Her father is making it worse by shaming her for it.
He's the one who should be contrite for being such an asshole.

8

You ARE allowed, by law, to seek medical assistance. If you do go to the ER, ask for an exam to determine if you were sexually assaulted. If you were drugged, you are the victim of a crime. You DID NOT "do this to yourself".
Your father cannot prevent you from getting medical attention.
If you're old enough, get away from these people.

Absolutely this. You need to get tested You very well may have been sexually assaulted and if so, you may be pregnant.

7

I'm not sure what you mean by "shunned." Are you kicked out of the family or grounded?

I see that you are 18, so here are my suggestions.

First, you take your adult self to the doctor if you need medical attention.

Next, if your dad is always that mean, you start saving your money and move out.

Third, try to be more careful when you are drinking. Keep your eye on your drink at all times. Know when enough is enough so you don't black out and get hurt.

Shamed is a more appropriate term and one I thought I used, I would if I had a way to the doctor's office, I have already started saving, and I had barely had anything to drink before something was slipped into my drink, I don't remember anything after that though but thank you for your advice

0

The fuck is wrong with your dad? Go anyway. Get a friend to drive you there. Concussions aren't something to blow off.

I wish I could but I can barely find half of my friends which isn't saying much considering I have maybe 6 close friends, but the other half is ignoring me bc of an incident that happened earlier last week

6

Ok, you're well young enough to be my daughter. I might be upset depending on who you were hanging out with but you're still a baby in my eyes and going to be subjected to the world.
I would've taken you to the ER to make sure you're ok. Concussions are no joke.

It takes no time at all to "dose" a drink. It happened to me once, thankfully didn't hit my head but it messed my night up.
Please be careful and take this as a lesson of caution. I'm sorry you're having salt added to your wounds by those who should be watching out for your well being. 😟

Thank you

2

Congrats on graduating. What are your plans afterwards? I would have gone to the hospital-your father can not control you. At 18 you have right to medical care.

I'm going to a community college to get a degree in culinary then transferring to a four year college for creative writing, and thank you. I will once I find a way to a hospital

17

Um, this is just my opinion, but...

  1. YOU ARE A VICTIM! You need help, not punishment. You did not voluntarily experiment with drugs, someone slipped you a "mickey," as they say. A loving and caring father would have maybe growled at you for a lack of vigilance, but then would have had you seen immediately. You blacked out? So without going into the TMI zone, people do this for a reason so you should be thoroughly examined.
  2. You are legally an adult and if you're on the family medical insurance, you don't need dad's permission. In fact, privacy laws protect you FROM dad (and mom). So either set an appointment or just go to the emergency room so you can be seen. Your health and safety are paramount here, not what your dad thinks you did wrong.

I hope this is helpful.

This. Just do it! Even a "slight concussion" needs to be evaluated to make sure it isn't more than just a slight concussion. The twisted ankle needs an x-ray to ensure that it isn't broken. This is YOUR body and you have to live in it the rest of your life, so take care of it!

3

Until you wake up in the middle of a corn field alone, unable to see over the stalks with half a keg of warm beer you have to return, hung over So bad you could be blindfolded with dental floss, you've done nothin serious.

Oh my gosh mate. What mate lets this happen to a mate. 😮

4

Someone once being funny put hot pepper juice on the brim my glass when I was at a bar. It was someone I knew and I can tolerate very spicy. Let's just say he can still walk well with a slight limp these days. Call crisis report it, do not be an unrepresented victim.

She has a history of being atheist and bisexual with an abusive hardcore Christian family. She is 18 and doesn't know which move to make. I know this from her past posts. Please give her good advice based on this knowledge, she is a bright young person being constantly belittled. Thank you.

0

Tell them to take a valium

2

Man you americans are self righteous . The kid is in a jam but calling the authorities .... PLEEEEASE

She has a history of being atheist and bisexual with an abusive hardcore Christian family. She is 18 and doesn't know which move to make. I know this from her past posts. Please give her good advice based on this knowledge, she is a bright young person being constantly belittled. Thank you.

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