Why does it seem that some people go out of their way to be unpleasant? I've often upset a someone by being a little thoughtless or insensitive, I'm a long way from perfect and it's upset me to think I've hurt or upset someone, being cruel, unpleasant or rude has never been my motivation. I don't understand anyone who's like that all the time?
The old see saw effect, I feel good when I put someone else down. Short sighted and self serving.
I have two poeple in my life who have a mystery bug up their ass about me for some reaason yet to be explained or understood by anyone. I don't really care. I don't cry myself to sleep over nasty, hateful, horrible people.
Some people get pleasure from causing displeasure. Others do the opposite.
I just saw such a person commenting on a recent post. I don't understand why they need to be that way. ?
It takes work, self-knowledge, and will power, but it is up to the individual to overcome a natural proclivity to be this way. Not wanting to be thoughtless is the first step; fixing yourself takes time. I wish I could say that I've had 100% success, but I haven't.
In the U.S. It's become a troll society - few are interested in discussions - only in jumping to their comfortable extreme and badgering forth from there.
I feel happy and satisfied when I make someone's day, when I get someone to feel pleased, to laugh .... that is my kind of power or influence or whatever you want to call it. I can't imagine feeling joyful at causing pain. But that is the way some folks are. They love to hurt others.
Well, some people are just having bad days, and like you, they unintentionally make a fuss. Others have been hurting for a long time, and the only way they know to release the pain they feel is to make others upset. This won't help them in the long run, but they don't realize that. Occasionally, there is a person who actually means to upset people and doesn't care. Those people decide to be cruel because they don't actually feel much in terms of empathy and other people's feelings are just toys to them. They likely have a problem with their brain chemistry. In severe cases, people like that can be sociopaths.
When I was attending community college, I had a teacher that was very wise and always engaged the students in a proactive manner. She had a saying that made a lot of sense: hurt people hurt people.
I think that is true. Many of the bullies who have abused me - some of them, I know for a fact grew up in sick families. Others I strongly suspect grew up in toxic environments. Kinda sad that they don't do the necessary work to get healthy.
If people believe they are in pain living their life, then they will give pain back. That's the way I see it. They come off as people that were never asked to be born but then will do nothing about it to end it. And they live like a hamster on a wheel and never get off. Just watch the movie Misery. ...
A lack of self esteem is often at the core, thus they over-compensate, pretending that ‘the best defence is a good offence.’ Having both volunteered and worked within schools, there’s a special kind of insight when parents can be observed with their kids … the apple rarely falls far..
Seems it can be a preemptive failure mode; ‘Everyone eventually considers me an asshole,’ ‘so why not drop all pretence and just be that a-hole’...? It also appears to be a way of backing others away from a fragile ..id.
There are several personality disorders that include or exhibit mean and uncaring behavior.. BPD is one I’m familiar with, which includes impulsive angry outbursts; in women, they really stand out; in men, it’s more often accepted as ‘typical male behavior.’ We’ve a very mean and uncaring malevolent narcissist in the White House at the moment … exhibiting further ‘cluster B’ behavioral traits. Some ask, ‘why’s he such an asshole?’ - it’s a condition of his mental illness…
And, if they’re a guy ..apparently some women are drawn to the ‘tuff, strong, all-knowing belligerent hardguy’… the guy’s pegged as her ‘defender,’ so must permanently assume this aggressive posture.. She feels safe, he feels needed - and we can’t get far enough fast enough
Not sure how many guesses that is … but those are mine
I have run into maybe a half dozen Borderlines, if not more. I can't diagnose, but they sure as hell show the traits. I don't walk, I RUN to get away from borderlines. They are good actors, good liars and often have lots of sycophants and toadies willing to do their bidding.
@SKH78 My encounter was the longest trip in the shortest time I’ve ever taken… What a ride.. The experience was with ‘an invisible borderline,’ meaning, highly intelligent and capable of hiding it from everyone - but you. The women now jump out at me, if not literally … it’s the men, supposedly afflicted in equal numbers, that elude me.. It took a toll, as I feel I’m still recovering ~
@SKH78 That's not true. A lot of borderlines are too full of self-loathing to do any of that. You might be thinking of narcissists.
An incredible read and easily understood ty for this clarification.
I clicked in this topic thinking a was going to read a lot of trolling comments. I'm not sure what it says about me but I'm a little disappointed. All you nice people carry on. ??
I know a lot of assholes. They're all over CO Springs.
It seems the hotspots or real estate bubbles attract them; I hadn’t realized how ..assholeish the Portland (OR) suburbs had become until escaping them ~
@Varn CO Springs is a super religious city as well. I do work with an asshole agnostic. He's only mean to me. He's everyone else's friend. Except his hearing is shitty because he blames us and yells for another Asian worker and I to enunciate. I've known English my whole life. I just can't say some words perfectly without slightly slurring due to my cleft palate. Which I'm always made fun of for.
@Sarahroo29 I’ve daughters considering Colorado, not sure where, yet.. I envision highly competitive and aggressive ‘newcomers’ creating a pressure cooker atmosphere. I think we’ve all some trait that gives us insight by how we’re initially treated by a stranger, including bosses and coworkers - telling far more about them than us ~
@Varn At least I'm not the co-worker asking my managers to go home early or to go get a drink. Or to party with them. I know my boundaries.
The ones who are deliberately thoughtless and insensitive are just plain jerks.
If they're intentionally trying to hurt someone's feelings, they are basically assholes.
However, there are plenty of times when people can be that way without meaning to.
It happens. I also think there are far too many people who are overly-sensitive,
and thin-skinned, who can't handle people who are a little more coarse, or rough
around the edges. A lot of people need to toughen up and be less sensitive.
Not everything is meant to offend people's delicate sensibilities.
And I'm probably going to catch hell for this comment.
I’ve sometimes wondered if it isn’t a test..? Like, if you’ll put up with me being an asshole, I’ll be less of an asshole, to you.. Don’t know if that’s a test you’d want to pass, though
Nope. Not from me. I have very little tolerance for idiocy and I often think that if we called people out on their thoughtless behaviour ,we'd all be better off.