Do you believe in love at first sight? I'm feeling lost and desperate, and wonder if my soul mate is out there to be found.
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34 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I lived most of my life thinking I was a hetero cis female. I never "fell in love," as that's a male trait, useful for keeping males in the lives of females who are raising his progeny. Cis, hetero women are the "choosers," picking out the best male suitor from among those courting her.
They experience a sort of "love" affection, but it's completely subjective. If the male messes up, his stuff is tossed onto the lawn and she changes the locks. This true with the cis, hetero US females I have known all my life, and how it was with me.
Any women who "fall in love" are women heavy in male traits, and this trait is dangerous for women to have. Being besotted with love for some dangerous male could get her killed, especially if she acts like a clueless male and keeps forgiving her erring, abusive mates and taking them back, dispite their lack of respect for her.
That said, I found this out the hard way. When I realized I was a partial transmale (about 60%) and suffering from gender dysphoria, I got relief by acknowledging my male side, allowing him to express his personality. To my horror, I (he) promptly "fell in love" lthe way a male would..with a transwoman I knew from high school, who had been Skyping and flirting with me.
Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I understood why people wrote love songs, poetry, mooned over someone, wrote their name over and over, worshiped the ground they walked on. I also found out that my transwoman friend was a typical female in that she immediately began planning my life, ordering me around, asking for gifts. I'm still 40% female in traits, so that didn't go over well.
I began to realize my male side was hopeless and helpless to resist, so my female side rose to my defense. When my outraged female gender mode side was activated, it didn't take her long to dispatch the budding romance with a few well-timed insults.
Of course on this forum, a high percentage of females are likely to be androgyne (mixed gender traits), since high IQ creative types usually are, although they likely don't realize it, thinking all "women" are just like them, as I did.
We are all on a gender spectrum, so in a way, everyone is at least partly androgyne..studies show that even the most "femme" women and "macho" men only have 80% of their bio gender traits activated.
By the way, if you troll me, I will block you.
birdingnut
Level 8
Apr 16, 2018
0
That's interesting. I don't identify as trans but I definitely have quite a few masculine traits. My ex used to say it all the time. When I fell for him (at age 18 ) I fell hard for him. I am still grieving my marriage after being divorced almost 2 years. I never connected that with my "male" traits, but it makes a kind of sense to me.
@Amy0825 Sadly, I'm the same way and currently in danger of returning to my dangerous ex because as a male-minded female I can't seem to hold a grudge or have boundaries. My only protection is to avoid him. He keeps emailing me wanting us to get back together, and despite everything he did I seem willing to let it go. No normal cis hetero woman would put herself at risk this way.
When in my "female mode" I can dump and forget bad love interests at once, however (sigh).
"Love at first sight" is usually lust. Which is fine, as long as you don't get it twisted and think
it's something it isn't. I don't believe in a "soulmate". I also don't think we always meet "the one".
Relationships are transitory. It's rare when humans mate for life.
Be open to the possibilities. You might not meet "Mr. Right", but you could meet
several "Mr. Right-now(s)".
KKGator
Level 9
Apr 16, 2018
5
LOL! So true!
No, lust at first sight, yes. Love is something that needs time to grow.
HeathenFarmer
Level 8
Apr 16, 2018
4
True love takes time to develop. There's initial physical attraction called lust.
Wildgreens
Level 8
Apr 17, 2018
2
Well put and that can be an icebreaker. OK spell checker suggested iceberg. Go figure. Heheheh
I believe in lust at first site, but that fades, to me you grow love!
lovinglife7
Level 4
Apr 16, 2018
2
I’m a believer in love comes around when you aren’t looking for it. Now I have to eat my words since I’m on a dating site BUT WITH LOW EXPECTATIONS!
Unimatrix907
Level 6
Apr 16, 2018
2
There's physical attraction, lust, and love. Attraction to physical appearance, lust with sexual attraction and love which is revealed over time. No there is no love at first sight.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Apr 17, 2018
0
Attraction, yes.
Love....well, that's a relative kind of thing....means a lot of different things to whomever is using it at that moment.
Love is a wishing well.
?
Slappy_Longarms
Level 7
Apr 17, 2018
1
The flames of love can ignite at any given moment. Hang in there, you never know when that special someone will cross paths with you. Take care.
SpikeTalon
Level 9
Apr 17, 2018
0
No, such a thing does not exist. And that's a good thing.
Love comes in stages: from meeting a person, getting to know them, learning about (and from) them, and just plain old feeling comfortabvle with them. And then one day it starts out like a usual date, and then deep down you've both decided to take it to the next level. And then it's like a revelation: things ar different that next second than they were the second before.
Love at first sight? How could that even happen? Love would be a shallow thing indeed if syuch a thing were possible.
Robotbuilder
Level 7
Apr 17, 2018
0
You are definitely attracted to some people much quicker than others and not just because of looks.
LeighShelton
Level 8
Apr 17, 2018
0
words are a human invention
Attraction at first sight? Constantly. Your Starmate is out there. No need to be desperate.
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Apr 17, 2018
1
Meeting someone and being attracted to them on the first meeting is telling but true love requires trust and that only comes with time. But the attraction is a source to use to build a relationship on. My thoughs are that true love involves completing the "triangle: body-heart-mind" (in not so many words). Once your interest can fulfill all three points (once you get to know their charachter and trust them) your world will truly be turned upside down. Then vulnerability comes into play. You must put yourself out there trusting they will too as either of you can leave at any time if you choose. But if you choose to stay with each other, that relationship could withstand time, and that's very "soulmate" like, a deep vulnerable intimate trusting relationship where you can't live without each other body-heart-mind. Does it exist, absolutely! But a word of caution, in my humble opinion based on my experiences, love is not enough.
SunshineBee
Level 5
Apr 17, 2018
0
Infatuation can be at first sight but I think of love as being a relationship. Relationships take time and work.
dare2dream
Level 7
Apr 16, 2018
1
I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do think there can be an initial attraction. How it works out from there is up to the individuals.
Tomfoolery33
Level 9
Apr 16, 2018
1
I do and the biggest reason i think is that love at first sight is to a degree genetic. in theory we all have perfect genetic matchs in the gene pool with us. and on the rare and i mean rare chance you find that person you click. now the real world gets involved. you might be too young or in a committed relationship already and aren't aware of. well thats what i beleive and i have been an incurable romantic all my life.
racnismylife
Level 5
May 23, 2018
0
No - lust at first sight followed by love if you're lucky. Better to be friends and discover the links that will lead to love...
Shreditor1960
Level 4
Apr 21, 2018
0
Souls don't exist, therefore they cannot mate.
Pheromones exist, and they can be staggeringly effective.
WileEQuixote
Level 7
Apr 17, 2018
0
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