"I heard the news today, oh boy...."- John Lennon
I guess this is as good a place as any to post this. Today I got the sad, but not surprising news, that my longtime swimming coach from my hometown, had died. He beat lung cancer about ten years ago, but it apparently came back recently and he died from liver cancer. He was the first person I met who shared that he was an Agnostic, and in that and many other ways, he was a mentor and sort of a second father to me during the nine years he was my coach. He taught me to be outspoken, live with integrity and on my own terms as much as possible, and to be honest and authentic about who I was, no matter how much conformity, phoniness, and fake politeness are the mainstream in my state. He also was the first open socialist I ever met. How he managed to handle living in Ottumwa, Iowa, for almost his whole adult life, I will never know. Probably a lot of drinking and smoking pot had something to do with it.
I got a lot of good influences from him, tho in some ways he was no positive role model, in such things as fidelity in marriage and being a husband, but I won't go into that. He had the guts to be his own man and not put up with shit, or kiss ass to his superiors at the school he taught at, even confronted them from time to time about their errors. A lot to admire, esp. that he was able to teach high school and coach for over 40 years, in spite of all that. My father was a good mentor and influence too, just in different areas than my coach, in things like being ethical, honest, loyal, and always being fair with others. But like my coach, he was not a good role model in other ways, like how to parent or live with integrity, as he was one person in public and someone quite different at home. But between the two of them, I think I got all the positive and good lessons I needed about how to be a good man and a good human being in general. They are both dead now, but I am and will always be grateful to both of them for what they gave me and will remember them always.
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6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sir PTerry said that a man is not truly dead until his name is no longer spoken. When the ripples from the actions of these men have finally stopped. So while you talk of them and while you embody the best of them they live on.
Budgie
Level 8
Aug 21, 2021
0
I agree with that. It's like the Mexican Day Of The Dead. After no one who is alive remembers you, only then are you truly dead to the world.
How fortunate you were to have such a mentor. We are all flawed in some way. To be a positive influence on a young life is a most valuable gift.
Mooolah
Level 8
Aug 20, 2021
2
It really is and for me, someone like him, a true fellow non-conformist, is very rare in Iowa and the Midwest in general, as the mainstream culture is so militantly about enforced politeness, conformity, etc.
Thank you for all your supportive reactions. It makes me realize how many of you are much like my old friend and coach, which is always good for me to be reminded of, that I am not alone in being a square peg in a round hole culture, at least where I live and probably also where a lot of, if not all of, you live. Life gets so hard emotionally at times when we feel isolated or part of such a small minority. But even tho we are a tiny minority in the US, there are still many of us, and that helps make it feel not quite so lonely or alienating to be a non-believer in the US.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Aug 20, 2021
1
Are you in a minority in actual fact?
More and more Americans identify as "non religious".
@Petter You have a point, many Americans are now identifying as non-religious, but I bet you that relatively few of them live in the Midwest and particularly in Iowa in general and esp. where I live. My city has tons of churches, and even a Bible college. Way more churches than bars, which tells you something about the local culture. There is also almost no entertainment here for mature, educated thinking adults, as high school sports are the main entertainment here, same as in some small, rural podunk town. There really is no nightlife here and they roll up the sidewalks at 9 pm., figureatively. They may as well as practically everyone is young families and old retired folks. That is why I drive to Des Moines or West Des Moines for all my entertainment, culture, and seeing my local friends, because they all live there.
@TomMcGiverin That is really sad.
@Petter Sad, but true.
We all must die, and yet live on,
Though neither in heaven nor hell
But in genes passed down, and down again
Through life's eternal swell.
... And also in deeds. The consequence
Of what we do on Earth,
Can affect the lives of thousands
Who have yet to discover birth.
So remember to pass on their lessons.
Petter
Level 9
Aug 20, 2021
1
Bravo
@Mooolah Here is a link to the full poem, which I wrote for my obituary, which hopefully will not be for a few more years.
So sorry to hear this. No one is perfect. We all have our weaknesses, some more than others. The fact you could see the positives in both of these men and the good things they gave you is what matters. Those are the things you will carry with you to the end. Losing friends and family is so hard and the older you get the more frequently it happens. It makes you appreciate those few people who are still here and are really important in your life. My sincere condolences.
Sticks48
Level 9
Aug 20, 2021
4
So he is not really dead Tom , in a way , through u and your actions and your character , part of him will remain alive . And as u passing and sharing his lessons along to others , parts of him will remain alive even longer .
I am sorry u feel his loss and the sadness today .
Pralina1
Level 9
Aug 19, 2021
3
Thanks Pralina. If I may share a song with you, by one of my old fav bands, The Velvet Underground, I have been thinking of this song all day and evening after I got the news. The song is called Last Night I Said Goodbye To My Friend. It was written and performed, just once, by the three surviving members of the band, just months after the death of their other founding member, when they were inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame in 1996. Listening to the song on You Tube has always choked me up. I hope the song moves you as well, if you give it a listen.
And yes, I agree that none of us is completely dead or gone for good, as long as we are remembered and live on in the hearts, character, etc. of those we have influenced or loved. However, once all of those people are gone, then were truly gone for good and probably forgotten as well, for the most part, with the exception of the famous and infamous.
@TomMcGiverin I am going to listen when off work in the morning . I can use such a song . Thank u Tom .
We are never truly gone . Things we do and things we say , it’s keep passing on . It might not be associated w tom or marialena or whoever , but the effect is the same
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