Sorry, but if you know the ex is like that, why engage, and for sure why engage for 3 nanoseconds after he again reveals himself to you? BLOCK
him Immediately ferpetesake, when or if he calms down you can unblock him IF there are children involved...otherwise Never.
Nobody can abuse you if you do not let them!!!!!!!!

Hoping you get out of it soon.

I detest the "holiday season" for multiple reasons. None of which I will bore you with.
Basically, my course of action is to withdraw. I'm done with putting on a happy face for others. Other people's expectations are not my problem.
I'm not spending another minute worrying about what anyone else thinks.
My peace is all that matters.
If you detract from my peace, I will cut you loose. With no remorse.

I know my way probably won't work for anyone but me, but now that I've figured it out, I refuse to go back.

Seasonal Affective Disorder may still be contributing to your mood, changing latitude may not be enough to cure it. Mine lessened a bit but it is there every year.

The winter holidays are brutal for many people. Anniversaries of negative events don't make it easier. The expectation that all should be in good spirits and/or in a Norman Rockwell painting is just plain bullshit! Take that idea out with the trash and watch the truck pick it up and take it to a landfill where it belongs. If avoiding others for a few days in December makes your life better that is what counts. If others feel differently about that choice let them, it's about your mental health and not theirs.

Be kind to yourself. A bit of exercise outside in daylight is a good strategy. There are lights that you can use that simulate daylightr that many find helpful. Light therapy may work better if started early in December and used through winter. It's ok if some years the crappy period is longer or shorter as we are human, not calendars. Tossing the expectations and being proactive will help immensely. Giving yourself permission is being kind to yourself.

Treat yourself to nutritious healthy food and get some exercise. Maybe take some apple pectin to cleanse the heavy metals out of your system. Hope you feel better. Resolve to minimize and eliminate contact with toxic people. Good luck.

There is a tried and true way of coping with the silly season that works.
CONVENE WITH THE SPIRITS!!!!!
They will guide and comfort you
Jack Daniels. Johnny Walker, Pernot et al

My holiday season is actually several events. December 5, my son’s birthday, December 16 was my wedding with his mother. We have been separated/divorced for 23 years. December 25 Christmas, December 26 the day said wife went into a comma 5 years ago and died several weeks later. January 1 New Years, or as I say same shit, different calendar. And finally January 5 my birthday. Add to those finding out my first son was diagnosed with leukemia at 11 months old about two weeks before Christmas. Several Christmas’ while separated from my wife when we spent Christmas as a “ family” instead of being with the woman I was actually seeing at the time. My third wife announcing she was leaving me after the holidays because she was in love with a coworker about 15 years ago.
I basically go into a mind comma for a month, I participate as little as possible in family celebrations, not at all in non family events. No shopping! Cards and checks. I make a Prime Rib dinner on Christmas Day, Pork and sauerkraut New Years Day and dinner out on my birthday. Often by myself, but fine if someone wants to join me. This year it was the ex that dumped me 15 years ago. We are friends and neither of us have anyone else.
So I sympathize with you and the others who don’t like the holidays, but I don’t let it depress me. I just patiently wait for it to be over and life to return to normal.

To the contrary,I am pleased when the holidays are over,as I have had my fill of the over the top feeling of enforced cheer,simply to disguise the rampant commercialism and greed behind this.I used to enjoy this time of year,but,it no longer means what it did,and,has been rendered unenjoyable.

The holiday season was hard for me as well and I ended up in a dark place for a little while. I found talking and sharing with a trusted and valued friend help me to get through it and set me back on track.

Take care of yourself, you are not alone.

It sounds like you know what you need to do and you will do it when you feel the time is right.

Stop beating yourself up for acting in a decent way to your ex. There's always the possibility that someone has given him a lobotomy.

I like the festive holiday season. To me it is one holiday from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. Not blue afterwards , but I do not look forward to the winter months of January and February. I always feel much better when the warmth returns.

Yep. Every year. But I start watching the ground for new sprouts this time of the year. In between the power outages and the cold, I'm just waiting for the sun. I want to feel my feet again.

I think the first resolve would be to never have contact with the ex again ever. BTDT, I gave my ex 2 second chances. I was finally done, rebuffed 2 attempts to woo me back. The final attempt turned ugly, the true colors came out, even he knew he'd blown it. The moral of course is stay firm, do not give in. There can never be a friendship. Stop letting him suck the joy! Don't beat up on yourself for letting him suck the joy. You can NOT change HIM!! The only one you can change is you. Never let him near you again. The best thing I ever did with my ex was go out to the woods and sit on the ground amongst the trees and resolve to not give any energy to him/the relationship ever again. It really did work!
It's a boundary issue, you have set your boundaries too low. Toss any old "lesson" about caring for others before you care for yourself out the friggin' window. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself then go outside and breath. I also think you are not breathing well when in this funk. Relax, breath and release the shitty feelings.

In an earlier post you said words to the effect that there are some people that you just have to cut out of your life. If I find that someone is not willing to be reasonable and prefers to indulge in psychodrama, I give that person a wide berth. Life is too short to spend time in the company of someone who drags you down and is a drain on your energy.

I withdraw from societal interaction as much as possible from Thanksgiving to NYE and am good with it.

I know a few who absolutely hate the winter holiday season. They equate this time to a loss of respect/separation of family members as a result of being treated with disrespect during the holidays.

For me, this season is just another day. Usually a friend from the coast comes home (I purchased his childhood home when his parents died) to visit his sisters and their offspring that live in town. During his stay he takes over one of my spare bedrooms and the kitchen. We usually talk for many hours and catch a few movies in my basement theater. This year he had surgery so he did not make it to town. I haven't fired up the projector in over a month.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a 20-year old who died on Christmas day. I can imagine his mother will forever hate the winter holiday season.

Hope you find a pleasant method/experience to cope with this not pleasant time.

Not the right person to ask, I guess, because I never get depressed, I don't dislike much less hate any time of year, I don't revisit anything or anybody out of pity or out of any other reason that is unhealthy, because I choose not to do so.

The seasonal thing is something many of us deal with, wish I could afford to move to Hawaii. At least it's above freezing here - 33 degrees. Be well, we're all here for you!

I have had my problems with depression around the holidays for years. My problem is a combination of Seasonal Affectation Disorder and Dysthymia, which means that for me normal is slightly depressed anyway. Not only is this time of year dark, but all of the focus on "good cheer" and the pressure to always be happy tended to have the opposite effect. To make things worse for years I worked in a windowless building where I worked a lot of overtime and there were days where except for a brief lunch break I never saw the sun at all. Memories of Christmas from childhood were always good ones, but as an adult I put too much expectation of a fantasy holiday that could not deliver. That just made things worse.

Things are different now, though. Being retired from a stressful job helps that, but using Sam-e every morning and getting more sun helps a lot. I don't have the negative associations with the holiday that you do. I have come to terms with it all and do my best to enjoy the time that I have. You can't change the past. You can only deal with the present. Don't do things that are bad for you, and if that includes the holidays and your ex then you don't need them. Find the things that make you happy and avoid the things that don't. That is not always possible, but you can make it a goal even if you fall short occasionally.

I mostly credit the Sam-e, but I could be wrong.

I'm sorry that you have trouble getting through this. Rather than have holiday blues the way most people do, it's always getting past the monetary elements of this for me, then getting back on the right track in January. I do have holiday blues but they are of a time past for me. No gifts, no trees, no nonsense. My reasoning is that Christmas time is for kids and I'm way past kid age now. Of course this would all change if others lived here with me. Years ago I thought of myself as a watcher, an observer. This seems to have blended in with my way of thinking totally. I live alone and have no resolutions of "getting back on track" that I must do. One cheery thing for me was that my ex called the 3rd to wish me a Happy New Year. We talked through some issues together and I made her laugh as usual. Maybe that is why she calls. There are times we all just need a laugh and to get back on track. This time our phone call was just over an hour but they have been known to go 4 hours. If anyone has the blues over high food prices I just found out everything is really expensive in Dallas. Good thing my ex has a good job. At one time she worked for Raytheon Corporation but has moved on.

I like the festive atmosphere, but I don't like it when it starts feeling like Groundhog Day. After all, we do a lot of stuff 'by default', and I'm not good at it - I get bored quickly. This could contribute to depression. I find breaking routines, even only in a small way, helpful.

There is so much pressure to be happy and jolly and spend time with family at Christmas and other holidays. Well not everyone has family that they can or want to do it with. Far too much emphasis on this. Just remember This too will pass. Take care.

I always find Xmas & all the commercialism & forced joviality that goes with it to be depressing.
Fortunately we have been able to spend 13 of the last 15 xmases in Mesa, AZ where it is almost always sunny & warm & less depressing.

Hopefully writing about your experiences made you feel better.

I had a challenging time a while back, I just checked out for a year to recover. Some ups and downs, but finally building some resilience and motivation.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

I'm feeling it as well, like a heavy viral load