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What is the most effective way to deal with Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons or other religious door knockers?

snytiger6 9 May 2

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I ask them for sex, that usually does it.


I was Mormon most of my life. I know the most effective cause of cognitive dissonance for Mormon missionaries are people they love who come out as LGBTQ and kind ex Mormons.

I invite them in, get them a drink, offer them food. I am very clear about who and what I am and what is used to believe. I tell them I’m aware they have a certain quota to fill with nonmormons and offer my home as refuge. They are welcome to rest, watch movies, play board games, learn to cook, come for dinner, hug my dog. My door is always open for them as it is for any other child in need of help and safety. Because they’re just teenagers far from home doing the thing they’ve been taught their entire life they have to do to be a good kid.

I inform them of my rules for discussing religion- that I won’t bring it up, I’ll leave it to them to make that decision. But if they do we operate on logic and reason and facts- not feelings and testimony. I also show them my collection of lds doctrinal books and inform them I’ve read every one. I’ve only had one missionary try to discuss and about 20 minutes in conceeded that I likely knew more than he did and he’d rather play a board game than continue the conversation.... then I kicked his ass at settlers of catan.

I’ve cycled through multiple sets of missionaries here because my family keeps sending them. They typically come back and take me up on my offer of safe space in one way or another. I fiend them on Facebook and offer to be a resource if they ever need it after going home. So far I’ve had one missionary have a crisis of faith and reach out for support after going home.

But I’m not nearly as patient with adult jws.

Amber Level 4 May 15, 2018

As I am also an ex-Mormon (boen into it, didnt' choose it), I do have soem compassion for the missionaries, but I have spent enough of my life listening to religion, and I see that tiem as mostly wasted. Life is short and I prefer not to use up more of my lifetime listening to more of it.

I am nto rude, I usually just tell any door knockers tha I have no interest whatsoever in organized religion and then close the door.


I tell them I am Catholic altho I have not been for 50 years!


That's a cute cartoon. When I'm in a hurry, I just tell them I'm Catholic. (It's not exactly a lie, as I was baptized Catholic!)


My great grandmother used to answer and tell them "We've been expecting you. Will you take a goats head for payment? The dark lady of the house is out but she shall return".
That always makes me laugh when I think of it. Its so much better coming from an elderly woman.

As Jehovah's Witnesses believe in demons (or at least my oldest brothers ex-wife did), that would freak them out However, it may also help perpetuate their false beliefs.


I found the most useful use of my graphic design degree yet by making a sign to put on our front door that reads "This is a religious free environment, violators will be righteously persecuted".

Using the word "Persecuted" I figured it would be amusing to go with a pun the religiously inclined would get.

It seems to have worked thus far. The Jehovah Witnesses even stopped shoving copies of the Watchtower under our front door tearing up our weather stripping. And throwing threats at us of how we will never make it to paradise. And this has been going on for nearly six years now.

I still have to take it down when my inlaws come by, my husbands family are catholic and would lose their collective shit if they knew he married a woman who came from a long line of heathens. My husband is still a believer but has become even more anti religious than I am over the years so it cracks us both up.

You shoudl mass produce that design and sell them.


Depends on the mood I'm in....being that they make a living selling lies, I figure I might lie to them a bit and say I'm Jewish and then proceed to tell them they are a blaspheming cult, and then see what happens afterward. I wouldn't recommend answering the door in the naked because there is a chance they might actually enjoy seeing that, and I just don't see any sense in giving folks like that any sort of pleasure, if you get my meaning. By the way in case you wonder, there was no typo above, I purposely said in the naked instead of in the nude because well...I just have to be different and sound a little unusual, hehe.


I reverse the the position, I take out my bible that has has tabs to the scripture I want to discuss with them. Such as how rape is considered a crime against the father instead of the victim. The I try to go to the actual human sacrifice that is in the OT.

Some of the young mormons have tried pascal's wager, but you can see their the smiles leave and you show them its really not a binary wager.

Right now, I think I have been black listed from every religion in the area.


I say greet them with baby oil and gay porn...

LOL... I am gay, but don't own any porn. I do like the idea though.


Don't answer. If I'm not expecting someone I likely won't answer the door.


My front door isn't obvious so I don't get door knockers, I barely get any post!!!!!!!


That is exactly the way I deal with them. If I have friends over, I invite them to join me. I have not seen the same ones twice. In fact, I haven't seen any in several years.

At one time, Jehovah's Witnesses used to put colored thumb tacks in peopel's door frames, as a way to color coding, in order to indicate to future door knockers what kind of reception to expect. I dont' know if they still do that or not. If you check and see a certain color, let the rest of us know which color it is so we might color code them away.


I have a sign on my door that's a picture of emptily smiling people, one holding up a bible, in a circle with a line through it. Haven't heard from them since I put it up about a year ago.

Where can I get one of those?

@snytiger6 Amazon. I think I typed in 'no religion door sign.'

@memorylikeasieve Just looked at Amazon. Not much of a selection. If i were to put soemthign up, I'd want ti to be big enough to read and also to look nice.


"I'm not interested. Have a nice day." Close the door.


A large pentagram painted on the front door works wonders.

Does the pentagram need to be upside down?

I know Wiccans sometimes use the upright pentagram indicating positive magic.

I'd worry about vandalism or hate crimes with a pentagram on my door.

@snytiger6 Good point. Upside down would be the way to go. Clearly people are not afraid of harassing Wiccans, but you'd have to be a special kind of stupid to fuck with an alleged Satanist. ?

@ElSuperbeasto Believers are a special kind of stupid. Especially those who proselytize.


We have been blacklisted by both and 7th Day Adventists.

You should post detailed instruction on how to get "blacklisted" from various religious groups.

@snytiger6 Pretending they are from escort agencies and late for the orgy seems to be a good start, asking them to explain the Book of Jasher sends them thumbing through their bible, as they say there is no such book, Yet when you ask them to look up the following:

  1. Joshua 10:13 "And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher?"
  2. Samuel 1:18 "Also he bade them teach the children of Judah the use of the bow: behold, it is written in the book of Jasher."
    I think they consider us too much hard work and seek easier prey.

@Rugglesby Interesting that this book was dropped, although at one time it seemed to be considered sacred. (I had to look it up)

  1. Open the door.
  2. Discover that the door knockers are, indeed, religious nutballs.
  3. Close the door.

That's about it.

(BTW, Step 1 is optional.)


I would say, you knocked on the wrong door. Then just said, have a nice day and shut the door.

jab60 Level 6 May 2, 2018

My mother is a JW and they have a 'No Call List' just ask them politely but firmly to be put on that list and they will no longer call on you. If they do then just mention to them that you have already politely asked them not to call on you and that you would appreciate if they would respect your wishes. Sometimes they check just to be sure that you really, really, really don't want them trying to save you before Christ and his Angels come back and slaughter all the non-JW's until the world runs ankle deep in the blood and guts of the 'worldly' people who did not heed their call. I know, it's seriously fucked up but what do you expect when dealing with religious crazies? 😀


Tell them you are an Atheist. It has yet to fail me.

I've tried that. They get get excited about wanting to save me.

@snytiger6 Don't smile when you say it. Attitude is everything when you want to get rid of people. Practice your mean face if you are so inclined to be a nice person all the time. ?

@Sticks48 That must be it. I am a nice person.

@snytiger6 I'm sorry. ?

While living in Texas to JW women knocked on my door. They asked which church I attended and I said, I am an Atheist. One turned to the other and asked if we even had an Atheist church in town!


One time I had some religious nuts show up on my property. I said to them, "If you don't leave, I will call the cops on you." I never seen them sense.


I’m a confirmed INFJ/ introvert. I don’t answer my door, unless it’s family; they text first. I don’t answer my phone, either, lol. Same criteria.

@Billboy That’s a scary big dick, even I would run, lol!


That wouldn't put them of.A swift kick in the genital region works a treat.

Coldo Level 8 May 2, 2018

This remembers me of a time in my younger days. JW would come knocking on the door every saturday morning. If you have ever gone clubbing the night before early morning visitors are not on your top ten to do on a saturday.
One saturday i was so pissed off i look them straight in the eye and told them i worshiped the devil.
They never returned..


Super soaker?

Single or dual tank style super soaker?

Yeah, that sounds good. Hit them int he crotch area and then you also spare all your neighbors.

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