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How many people find it difficult to ask for help?

My male side wants to work things out for himself, but luckily, my female side will ask for help if I find myself out of my depth. The result is that I do all I can, then ask.

For over a week, I'd been given the run-around by a Thai repair shop where I'd taken my broken juicer, but two new staff members, a lady and her son, in my apartment building offered to call the repair shop for me.

They quickly found out that I had to bring in all the plastic parts of the machine before they'd fix the jammed switch.

I'd personally visited the repair shop twice about the juicer, but they'd never told me that.

I'd also been asking the lady and her son at the office about a package I'd been expecting in the mail, so today after I'd found out through the tracking number that it was on hold in Bangkok (I live in Songkhla, on the southern end of Thailand), and after I'd tried in vain to call the post office, they offered, on their own call the Bangkok post office and find out what happened.

Turned out, the post office was about to close, since in Thailand it's Saturday, May 5th, so they said they'd call them on Monday.

birdingnut 8 May 5
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27 comments

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6

I’m just trying to get my son to take the garbage out.

5

I'd walk miles in the wrong direction before asking someone. Silly, isn't it?

4

I do shit myself as much as humanly possible, it's just how I am. Sometimes tho I'll ask for help simply because I lack the expertise or level of skill needed to get it done right and exact..... that's OK too; no shame in that.

It's just a matter of finding the right people to help you out.

"I do shit myself as much as humanly possible," Has got to be the most unintentionally funny opening sentence ever. lol

@273kelvin lol

4

I don't have much a problem asking for help when I need it.
I'd rather see something done right and know my limitations.
Playing the manly man isn't something I'm too interested in.

4

I know culturally, in the States, we're taught NOT to ask for help. Male or female. We are shamed for it even if it's under circumstances beyond our control. When I began living and working overseas ten years ago, I had to set that aside and learn that it's wise to let others take the reigns and help. It was difficult to ask for help, and I felt vulnerable. Now, I more comfortable with it. In retrospect, it has surprised me how many perfect strangers are willing to help without hesitation, but friends and family are always judgemental and help only under conditions. That's been a harsh reality to absorb.

3

I'm pretty tenacious, and rarely ask for help. I generally will try to figure things out myself. If all else fails and I'm desperate I will reluctantly ask for help

3

I am trying to get a job and networking is very important. Networking at this stage is basically asking for some kind of help. I have been told that it is extremely important

3

I so seriously do not ask for help easily. I guess that is a male thing. Except I do when I can't work something out. I am into problem solving these days, and sometimes I need to ask. But it does not come easily.

3

I think your post serves to illustrate how repressed men are. I don't feel comfortable about the issue of asking for help being made a gender issue.

Asking for help is a human thing.

3

I do, or use to. Somehow I had it in my head that if I asked for help people would not see me as a strong woman and I would disappoint them. I got over it when I had a major problem with my ex.

2

"You handle your own when you become a man
And become a man when you handle your own"

2

Your male side?

gater Level 7 May 5, 2018

LOL! I know..most people here are unfamiliar with gender issues, believing humans to be the religious binary of "male" and "female."
However all people are on a gender/sexual orientation/gender identity spectrum, with percentages, instead of absolutes.

In my case, I'm about 60% male in traits (studies show male traits to be mainly on the right brain hemisphere, and female traits mostly on the left) and a partial transmale (that means I see myself as male).

I used to be gender fluid, switching back and forth between male and female personalities/perspectives, and not remembering what I did while in the opposite gender modes. Luckily I stumbled across derris scandens, a Thai herb that blends my gender modes so that I can live peacefully as an androgyne (mixed gender) with both sides always aware of each other.

Most of the people on this forum are androgyne, although they aren't aware of it, since most high IQ creative people are androgyne. A person who is androgyne isn't necessarily transgender..they still identify with their birth gender, but have mixed gender traits.

2

I am not a technical person in the least. My daughter and bf are always working on their car or fixing something and I'm amazed what they know via the computer. I am always asking for help-how to fix this or that.

2

Depends.

And I thought "juicer" as some sort of slang for an old car at first, so I had to re-start.

There is a website in the States now called Nextdoor.com and it is a place where people can connect. Lots of posts about lost pets and help with other things or just advice.

When I left m dome light on overnight and my battery couldn't, it was much easier to ask there then knocking on doors and knowing you were interrupting.

I had a jump in 15 minutes or less.

2

Many people don't ask for help because it will give the impression that they are stupid or something. I never struggle to ask for help. For me I might learn a new way of doing something or a better way of doing it. It is a finding out thing for me !

1

Real men don't find it difficult to ask for help, we just don't ask.

1

I like the use of yin/yang to describe this. It is not sexist to say that particular personality traits maybe ascribed to gender or even that mater race, culture or even nationality. We are a product of our culture. Self reliance is a virtue that men from my culture aspire to. Like many virtues it can be detrimental when taken to extremes but without it you become a pain in the arse. For example my ex runs a foreign student home. She finds Saudi guys to be so inept at any practical tasks that some cannot even make a cup of tea for themselves So obviously this is not genetic. It may also be changing. A recent survey in the UK said that 60% of households that own a hammer, have never used it. 40% of guys under 30 have never used a screwdriver. I would be interested to know what % of people on here call AAA etc. if they have a flat tyre?

1

I'm always going to try first.

1

Well, in defense of the "male side", there is a feeling of a greater understanding and mastery of a topic if one can reason out the answer themselves rather than asking for someone to give the answer. It's a pride in intellect thing. Probably not very useful. But it does feel good and is a feeling that can only be achieved when the "female side" is out of ear shot. 😛

1

Good to have people that are willing to help!

Shar Level 3 May 5, 2018
1

Never had a problem asking for help or directions.

1

I am very reluctant to ask for help and typically will only do so when I have absolutely no other alternative. However, there have been times when I requested help when I perceived that the rendering of assistance may have some benefit for the helper.

I don't know if it's a male/female issue, or not; that angle never occurred to me, except possibly in regard to asking directions.

I would add that my reluctance to ask for help is somewhat tempered by the knowledge that I am always willing to help whenever I can.

1

If I need help I will always ask and will always help if I can unless I'm just being used.

1

Oh buddy. I have actually ended up homeless because I HATE even needing help, let alone asking for it. I don't think it is because of my masculine traits though because even many of those can be considered to be environmental (not an intrinsic part of my authentic identity). I grew up in a world where no-one cared about anyone but themselves. Asking for help resulted in being shamed for my "selfish and thoughtless attitude", maybe even beaten but it definitely was NOT safe to express any needs. The adults were more than happy to use them as weapons of control so, for me, it is much deeper than a stubborn personality trait. Many feral kids are very creative and fiercely independent. Some like Charles Manson become psychopaths, while others are too depressed to function, not much in-between. Whether or not we like it, it is true that a lot of our current behaviors are simply survival patterns we developed before we were even school age so I suspect there may be a lot of social conditioning involved in our reluctance to need help. I mean it is honorable to help others but shame on us for not being able to run our homes, raise our children, get an education, and save the damn planet without needing to rest or receive any help.

1

I've had nicknames like MacGyver, The Fixer and The Troubleman because that's the sort of thing that floats my boat, I love a challenge and I am very independent BUT when it comes to big problems and big projects I learned a long time ago that it just makes sense to delegate tasks. One man can singlehandedly build a house but not a shopping mall or a hotel or a school, you have to ask for help and then coordinate that help if you are going to be successful. No man is an island, here's a pick of my new house that I am building solo from the foundations up.
Having been an expat in the Caribbean, South America and Central America for the better part of 20 years I can say that it makes a lot of sense to ask for help when required and to learn the language so you can develop friendships with the locals.

Awesome!

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