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You and your kid are at the fair waiting in a long line. A father and daughter cut in line. What do you do?

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HotAlutiiq 6 June 5
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45 comments

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9

(Using a helpful tone) Excuse me, the line starts (points) back there (smile).

Perfect

Tried that, you get a look like you have assaulted them by speaking to them and told to mind your own business, and to not be so rude.
The trouble is everyone today has got used to the idea that they are always in the right, even when they are in the wrong, and that shouting loudly and acting offended is always justified.

That's what I do. I can't manage the smile, though. I'm usually steamed that they would have the nerve to cut in.

@LenHazell53 and thats when I say it again, louder while using a mom voice, still with the smile & add "i'm sure it was an honest mistake & you would not want to be rude to all these people & their little children." Let them say something. I've been 5'1" my whole life. Height don't scare me & I've got something for them...besides a whole line of people behind me, a lot of them dads, who arent going to put up with bs. The parks in my area will boot line jumpers with a quickness.

@SallyInStitches
Arg not the mummy voice anything but the mummy voice! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

9

I'd start with something relatively non-confrontational such as, 'Excuse me, the end of the line is back there". I've almost never had to go past that because others in line also indicate their displeasure, too. I don't yell -- I can't remember the last time I raised my voice. I almost never have to.

7

Me and my kid are waiting in line? What do I do?

I wonder 'How the hell did I suddenly get a kid?'

@Silverwhisper Possibly - but THAT offspring would be about 30 by now ...

6

Having lived in China and Morocco, I have learned to speak up as aggressively as need be to stop that shit. That is so incredibly rude.

@Beach_slim not at all. ๐Ÿ™‚ I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for somewhere warm to retire.

6

I would be actively explaining to my child (either of which would have damn well said something) that it was rude but it is better to have rude people in front of you than behind you. Especially if you are in traffic!

6

You haven't specified whether this is in a concealed carry state or not.

@RonHunt In my country I don't have a kid and I don't go to fairs. You're stifling my imagination.

@RonHunt Right - I would kung-fu the guy to the deck and marry the daughter, who happens to be Michelle Pfeiffer.

@gareth lmao!!!!!!!! I knew i liked you for a reason.

@Qualia I can only imagine it must be a very bad reason. ๐Ÿ™‚

@Gareth You've got a wicked streak โค

@Gareth
At one time manners would have prevented anything like this happening in the UK.
Today the scenario would play out with the offender saying something like "don't mind if we push in do you?" while shoving the child in front of the smallest person at the head or near the head of the queue, who is usually too shocked to anything other than " what, no" which be taken with a nod of thanks and firmly pushing in of the adult too.
Should they actually have enough about them to refuse, or some one further back complain, the offender will go totally self righteous and say either "I wasn't talking to you, kindly mind your own business" or "Kindly don't embarrass me in front of my child," adding then to the little darling "You see Agnes this is what a mean rude person behaves like, you don't want to be like that do you?" or if all else fails will move to the next person forward and say, "Well since this person is being so utterly disagreeable and rude, you don't mind if I go before you?"
And will shove in their before an answer can be given, from someone thinking desperately, don't involve me in this.
Any further objections will be met with "Do you mind, you're frightening my child!" and a chorus of disapproval from the rest of the ill informed queue.

Ha! That's funny. And, seriously, in Louisiana, some confrontations would be like playing chicken.

5

I canโ€™t stand people who donโ€™t wait their turn

5

Suggest the daughter call an ambulance for her father?

5

After, when i was alone with my daughter, I would debrief her experience,discussing with her how she felt during and after the other couple cut into the line. I would define it as a potential learning moment for her, and an opportunity for me to reflect on how i felt managing the moment.

*insert laughing meme

@Gareth You think?

@josephr Oh! You're serious?

@RonHunt, Joseph sounds as if he's wise enough to know that being played for a sucker only works if the "sucker" cares. He clearly has more important things to concern himself with.

Thatโ€™s called emotional intelligence. Nice.

@Gareth I'm very serious about the need to nurture our children to be the best humans they can be. As for being made a sucker, people who have known me would find that very funny. Standing up to stupidities is an ego thing, and a total waste of my time and energy.

@josephr Sorry. I genuinely thought you were joking.

@RonHunt, My thoughts are "horse shit" ? I've never before experienced that, on this forum. But, your aggressive rudeness aside, I can only reply that your response employs a shallow thought process and is devoid of logic. Ex., "A sucker is a sucker". For that to be true, we would all have to subscribe to the same definition of sucker. I doubt that you and I operate on the same ego plain, so that one is moot.
Your comment challenging Joseph's ability to respond when a situation calls for it, is little more than a nonsensical assumption that one must stay in training in order to "engage", whatever engage means.
Also, maybe you could explain how Joseph's background invalidates his thoughts on this matter? I'm sure that most of us would rather have his experienced advice.
Most of life's situations call for us to thoughtfully respond and not instinctively react.

@RonHunt, There are those of us who take every perceived affront personally, giving the jerks in life a double victory. We insist on suffering from the original insult and then we hand them our angry energy. So, unless you enjoy giving them that much of you, then, yes, you are a sucker. But, I'm going to ignore them, and go about my business, not giving them anything. So, who's the sucker? The one who got all angry and confrontational and "let him have it verbally", but still didn't "win", in your narrative, or the one who rose above the fracas and stayed happy and mellow?
I can tell by your response that you are either unwilling or incapable of comprehending the points I make.
Bottom line, I'm sorry for you that this very minor event seems to still be with you.

@Markus, @Gareth, @RonHunt @ellerdor Wow, i just came home and read this thread. I thank you all, and hope youโ€™ll excuse me if iโ€™ve used too many words in my answer, as iโ€™m sometimes prone to do.

One of the challenges with social media is the need to assume intent from words. And we all know how often assumptions about intent are wrong; others have also misunderstood when i was being serious. So I appreciate when people articulate how they interpreted my words without attacking them, or me.
As for being a sucker, I have been conned, mistaken about people, or their words, and probably will be again. And that's ok, because what's the worst that can happen? Thatโ€™s the key to me; making sure any risk is manageable, or irrelevant.

When a potential loss is significant enough, however, i put my ego aside, then trust but verify. I don't see a guy butting into line ahead of me as a life or death issue, and no, itโ€™s not worth an iota of my time.

On the other hand, my daughter's needs would have been at the top of my importance list, so i would have to do whatโ€™s best for her. In this case, her interests and mine were best served by doing nothing in the moment, and then turning the episode into a learning opportunity for her. That would be my responsibility as a parent.

So my responses will always be consistent with the importance of the issue at stake.

As for being a sucker, I assume that you mean that a sucker is a person who has been conned. So i'd like to share a story with you which i hope will give you some insight into how i think, while answering some questions raised.

Many years ago i was on a Christmas vacation in Monterey, California and had wandered onto the Embarcadero with my girlfriend Karen. We stopped at a tent in which an auctioneer was doing his thing. I watched as every once in a while, the person who won the bidding would get the object as a gift, not paying a cent.

I watched the process for a while, and i thought i identified a pattern. So when a beautiful porcelain doll came up, a perfect gift for my upcoming niece's birthday, i began bidding. I won, had to pay over a $200 USD, and went storming off angrily with my overpriced toy.

I drove up to lookout in a rage, just ranting at the crooks and con men. When i jumped onto the parapet at the top, still ranting, Karen had had enough. She said something like, "you're yelling at those crooks but your ego is what's really hurting. You were conned, and that's something that's not supposed to happen to you, you believe."

She was absolutely right. It was my ego which was hurt when someone was so easily able to make a "sucker" out of me. How i handled it, emotionally, was to make some good out of my stupidity, or greed. So, as I was driving back through the downtown on our way to the hotel, i spotted a young woman with a child sitting on the sidewalk outside a department store, with a hat in front of them asking for spare change. I stopped the car in the middle of Monterey traffic, grabbed the doll, ran over to the child and gave it to her with a Merry Christmas and tears in my eyes. Any bitterness or resentment disappeared in an flash when i saw that little girls face light up with joy. It turned an emotional thunderstorm into a beautiful day. I hope I'm making sense.

And yes, Ron, I am a conflict resolution pro, but before i became a mediator and therapist, i was a professional negotiator and dispute resolution adviser to companies and organisations. So I know how people's responses to anything are directly proportional to how they've rated the importance of a loss, or potential loss. And those potential losses don't have to be physical losses, they can be emotional.

I don't know if i've answered any questions, or even if i've added anything to the conversation, but i thank all of you for the opportunity to reflect on something i haven't thought of for a very long time. It's why i enjoy this social media site as much as i do.

4

I'd let it go. Back in the day, I would have gotten really pissed about it and said something. But I have learned that I make very few good decisions when pissed so I try look at the bigger picture. As long as it isn't a lot of people cutting line, it is unlikely to really impact how long I wait for the ride. Perhaps there is a reason they cut in line other than self entitlement. Maybe the kid is disabled. Regardless, if they are willing to cut in line, they want it way more than i do.

4

I would say, the line starts back there. If they don't care, I would tell my daughter that this is rude and boorish behavior and that this man apparently thinks he is entitled to act that way. He is not. He is teaching his kid to act like a jerk, so other kids won't like her. And then ask the jerk, if I got all that right, and would he go back to the end of the line where he belongs.

4

I was next in line to check baggage for a flight. A guy briskly walked up and stepped in front of me. Without thinking I horse collared him and yanked him out of line. He was shaken. He stepped in line behind me and started talking in my ear about how my behavior was inappropriate. I loudly told him that if he went to every person in line behind us and got their permission to go first then I would gladly let him go first.

I hate that crap.

4

Cannot stand queue jumping. The height of arrogance.

Unfortunately today arrogance is consider a virtue, by morons, of which their seems to be an unlimited supply.

4

No way that would end with them not going to the back of he line.

4

You did not specified how long you will maintain the poll open before making a decision. Reckon is a long line worth the wait. My kid is 6'4" former afghan security veteran. He is the one taking action, my job will be watch his back and pick up stragglers.

@RonHunt Specially after the decision was already made. Like in ameriKKKa russia picked the president and then the polls were open to vote. Is that you putin?

@RonHunt Well Vlad, about the prostitute peeing tape.... A friend of mine will like to know what's your price. Asking for a nation... err, I meant a friend.

3

My answer is "it depends". Some lines are so disorganized that reasonable people have trouble figuring out where they end. Sometimes people are preoccupied and don't pay attention. I don't assume it's personal. The way I've seen people handle it is usually to point out, with a smile, where the end of the line is, and I've never seen anyone refuse to go to the end (or even be sullen) when it's pointed out.

I've even had people do that to me. It's never because I'd actually cut in line on purpose.

Sometimes it works in reverse. I was in a deli not long ago and there was an order line and a payment line and it wasn't clear in the cramped space where the line was or even what the intended order of operations was; some people appeared to be going to yet a third location to order a particular ice cream product. I asked around and half the people there weren't sure WTF was going on. But I did notice that half of them were happy to act like my questions were stupid. Likely they were people who had been there before and knew the ropes, so it was obvious to them.

In this, as in all things, humility and not making assumptions are helpful skills.

3

Tell them to get to the back of the line

3

I'd organize people around me and get a group consensus for action to move them to the end of the line.

3

you confront the family and find out the daughter is autistic and now you have upset her and she is hysterical. your kids think you are a jerk. How do you feel?

I would explain to my children that being autistic does not give her father the right to just push his way to the front of the line. Had the father asked if it was okay then the whole situation could have been avoided but no-one has the right to be rude or pushy regardless of their challenges.

@RonHunt Your empathy and compassion for other humans is overwhelming. Why is a number in a line so important to you? So you got bumped by two. So what? As they used to say, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
(but they add in NC - "but two Wrights make an airplane." )

I can see your looking to be right at any cost. I might not grunt if I had a broken arm and the guy shot in the stomach is pushed in front of me. Other then that.... that dad should asked if he could cut in line and explain his situation. Just doing it and showing a lack of respect for the others in line is asking for feedback and I would. I would say HEY MAN, what's the deal? If he turned around like he wanted to kick my ass... I might shut up.

@RonHunt alright brother.... you sound good here and i submit to your answer. I would speak up. Hes got his child with him. A bad ass doesnt take his kid anywhere. This guy is bluffing that hes bad... you call their bluff on their ego. If he turns around hes got everybody looking at him. He may meet up with you later and try something. I dought it.

You know, there is always an excuse and a what if. I had 2 kids who had a genetic condition, and were mentally retarded. ( that is what it was called back then. I don't know the PC term used today)My oldest daughter was healthy and normal. I raised them all the same. I expected good behavior at all times when in public. If, for some unknown reason, I needed to get them inside somewhere or get something for them that required standing in line, but could not wait, I would explain the problem and ask if we could get ahead in line. I never had to, but would never use them to but into line. All my kids had to learn manners and politeness. That included being patient. I also don't see why rudeness and crude behavior needs to be tolerated to avoid confrontation, hurting feelings, or fear of what will happen later. That doesn't mean you have to be as rude and boorish as they are, but it seems fine to be direct, address the behavior and not back down.

3

I find these days confronting someone will most likely cause more trouble for you than it does for the offender.
I recently told some older guy pushing past a bus queue to get on first, that there was a queue and was told by others in the line I was a bully, complained about and the man was allowed to get on by someone further forward in the queue.
A day later the same thing happened and this time I just stood aside to let the person on and was bawled out by a woman behind me for allowing queue jumping.
I'm getting taxis from now on.

3

The reason people queue jump is because of other people's unwillingness to confront.

3

If it were me, Iโ€™d confront, and try not to yell. ?

3

Teaching moment if kids are

2

Tell them to move to the back of the line..

2

I come from a family that do not hold their tongue when something like that happens. I'm not sorry what's about to come out my mouth.

MoniB Level 6 June 5, 2018
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