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How close are you to your Ex?

My Ex Husband and I remain best friends and hang out often. Would this bother you if you met someone who was best friends with their Ex? Why, or why not?

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Ellenruth 4 June 14
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47 comments

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0

My ex was best man at my wedding.

I've some friends who both dated the same guy. After they all split up, he suggested that they might enjoy one anothers' company.

Those two guys have been married for many years now and have a lovely and precocious daughter. I'm calling that a happy ending to their story.

@ErikGunderson I was best man at her wedding when she fell pregnant at 17. After her husband walked out on her we eventually ended up together and shared 10 happy years together, but it became obvious to both of us that we wanted different things from life and we moved on. We were friends long before we were lovers and we remain friends long after we ceased to be lovers.

Aww! Good for you. That's tough to pull off.

11

I was friends with a couple who after more than a decade decided that they had simply grown apart after marrying quite young. They liked each other but they didn't want to be married to each other any more so they got a fair divorce and with the money they saved by not having to hire lawyers they invited everyone from their wedding reception to their divorce party. It was a blast and they both went on to marry other people but still remained friends. It would really depend upon the people involved. As for me, I find that I am too close to my Ex because she is still on the same planet and the possibility that I might breathe in a lungful of air that she had in her lungs is disturbing to me.

You and I are on the same page. Definitely depends on the people. Nice that it's okay for some people

I have some friends with the same situation, though neither has remarried yet. They're still good friends, just don't wish to be married any longer

That escalated quickly

10

My ex-husband and I cooperated well in co-parenting our daughter. We put her needs first.

This is the adult thing to do.

My ex and I do this as well. But we don't hang out together except at kid events...

7

I've had the full ranges of exes: all the way from fuck that guy, still to still fucking that guy.

7

Insecurity is unattractive.

@Stacey48 Absolutely!

You have to take into account your significant other. Having your ex in your life is not good for them. What happens when your ex moves on and cuts the relationship off with you? There seems to be too many variables that lead to no happy endings.

5

My ex husband and I have not spoken to each other in nine years. I think it would be really weird to date someone who is best friends with their ex. I would be very uncomfortable.

It is strictly up to the person as to whether or not they want to remain friends with their ex. In my case, that would have been stupid, as it would have been asking for continuation of a nightmare. She has a right to a life of her own and I want NO part of it.

5

It is not true in my case of 3 divorces! But, I truely believe that people can be respectful and friendly as ex’s.

5

Actually my response is not one of the options. I would be far more apt to respect my romantic interest if they were able to be friends with their ex and if they were BFF's then we would invite them (plus 1) to go on double dates or camping with us and I would trust that relationship was platonic. I prefer kindness and honesty over all else. It also shows me that if we do not last forever as partners I will not have to necessarily lose our friendship so I actually prefer them to be friends especially if they have children together.

5

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

4

My ex- and I are best friends. We separated and divorced because we realized we made better best friends, than spouses. Our separation was amicable and friendly. I tall with her on the phone at least once a week. She lives about 4 driving hours away and I travel up to visit 2 or 3 times a year.

t1nick Level 8 June 14, 2018
4

The first ex ,the one I have kids with, and I get along great. I view her as one of my closest friends. I also like her husband. The second one I haven't spoken too in 3 years.

I like the old adage - a second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

3

Which one?

3

I’ve never been married so I don’t have that type of ex, just a few x- girlfriends. But my parents divorced when I was 8 and I got to experience the way they dealt with being each other’s exes. Well, I experienced it mostly on my mother’s end since I lived with her. She did not like my dad at all, well, she still doesn’t like him, and let me know constantly. It took a very, very long time before I realized the man was merely human and made mistakes just like everyone. This isn’t really a thing that children should ever experience, but if you can’t be friends or friendly with an ex, at least be civil. It’s admirable that you can remain such good friends with an ex.

I still not certain how I feel about my dad, but that has more to do with what he’s done lately.

3

It depends. Are their interactions dysfunctional?

3

In my thought process of you are staying that close to your ex, in some matter of speaking, you may still want to be with that person. It would be different if there was a necessity for the communication such as shared children, but to be hanging out with your ex all of the time seems a little off putting.

I would suspect they weren't done fucking.

@Bignate901 agreed

3

My previous two ex's helped me out during some recent medical issues. They are part of my life. I don't have so many close friends that I want to throw these out.

3

I have no qualms with someone being friends with an ex, unless that ex was abusive. My ex was abusive. I have 0 desire to have him in my life.

2

To each their own but I tend to take the scorched earth approach to breakups. I might follow them on social media and that's kinda it, unless they're like the coolest person to hang around.

2

It may make me nervous, depending on the circumstances. Often after a break up, one person is still holding on and hoping. If there was transparency I'd probably work through any concerns I had.

2

My ex husband and I are friends, and though we talk on average once every couple of weeks we are not super close. I haven’t had a serious relationship since my divorce, so I haven’t tested those waters completely yet.

PenLOP Level 7 June 14, 2018
1

Hair on the back of my neck goes up in the vicinity of my ex wife.
I am providing daily moral support to another ex who is caring for her dying partner,
another I could chat to any time, we have always been friends, and the final one is here for the weeekend, we split up 14-15 years ago. Still some anger but she is an angry person, always has been always will be. Her first husband and I have become quite good friends and they divorced 30 years ago. Her second husband on the other hand !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I htink it depends on the parties involved, all possibilities can occur.

1

I’ve always been the type that could stay friends with ex boyfriends but knew when I was married to my ex, he wasn’t capable of it. Couldn't even say his ex-wife’s name and went on rants about everyone, even his mother. Our son hasn’t talked to him since he was 12.
My husband is civil with his ex but wants as little to do with her as possible. What’s funny is I could see her and I being best friends if it wasn’t for the fact it would make him feel uncomfortable.

1

I'm still friends with all of my exes. Most of them don't live nearby anymore, but I'd definitely hang out a lot with them if I had the chance - they're good people

1

I don't think it would bother unless I really didn't like the ex for some reason.

1

Don't Care.

Coldo Level 8 June 14, 2018
1

I see my ex more often than I'd really like to, one of the kids lives with him because he really needs a keeper. And then there are the holidays and kids like to do "family" gatherings. We are not best friends, we're civil. For someone to be buddy buddy with their ex.... depends on so many factors.

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