you should be upset, to take his beliefs and shove them aside so she can sleep soundly at night is wrong.

I think I may be autistic because I struggle to understand why people get upset about things like your dads baptism, your dad is dead...... he doesn't care, his wife is deluded but happy, Live your life and be happy in the moment, Desiderata!

Wow I understand your anger and I probably would keep my distance from her too. Her rabid beliefs can't be healthy for your son so that was good judgement, IMO.
I had a similar experience when my brother died...his wife insisted on an open casket even though his body was absolutely ravaged by cancer then to make it even worse, she took pictures of my poor brother in the casket, then sang a religious country song as everyone was coming in and finding their seats. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life and I believe my brother would have been horrified as well.
About a year later she was already nine months pregnant and living with her baby daddy. She refuses to let me see my three nephews and I hate her with every fiber of my being.
I'm sorry you had that experience and I hope some day you (and I) can heal.

Minsters can save souls. Now

My wife died several years ago, so I understand grief and how we might deal with it. I understand your anger, but if it brought her peace I don't see the harm in it.

Yeah, obviously she doesn't really care about the truth. Who cares about her?

having water poured on your head does no harm nor do the mumblings of the minister, if it brings comfort to his wife, what's the harm. As an atheist I don't see how this is offensive, just a waste of time.

How disrespectful to ride roughshod across a man's beliefs and wishes for personal gain , using his failing health and illness to override his lifes direction . I feel sure he would have taken exception if consciously given the choice , this for me is not the actions of ones lifelong friend and companion and is shallow and decietful

Nope, nope, nope screw her. Damn people just push shit in on a dying human being. And to make that
your last memory of your dad, knowing he was an Athiest. Sorry but I would forever cut her out my family. An have a voodoo priestess bless her on her death bed. Bloody chicken guts an all in her face.

You're right to be angry. If it had been his wish to be baptized I would think he'd have done it before he couldn't make the decision for himself. As you stated, this was on going bout with cancer so it's not like he didn't have time to decide. I suspect your suspicion is correct and his wife deliberately took advantage of his state of mind.

Do yourself a favor and remember that what she did had absolutely no effect except to ease her own mind. Given that it sounds like you agreed with your Dad, keep your sons away from her. My bio dad "came to jesus" about 6 months before he died - total hypocrisy from a person best described as a sensualist up until his "conversion".

My sense is that baptism is only performed on those of unsound mind, and performed by those similarly afflicted.

A minister cannot save anyone's soul.....he can only lead one to the door....you have to choose to open it and go in......more than likely he had a moment of clarity talking to the minister and made his own choice........I don't think you should be angry with her.....she was doing what she thought best for him out of love......she was showing him real love......
It sounds like you have doubts of your own....we all do....even Christians at times doubt....nothing wrong with doubting......and like you said....if we were all wrong, then he is now in Heaven and at peace forever.......should put a big smile on your face and peace in your heart when you think of him there.

It is upsetting for her to have used your father as merely a prop for placing her bet on Pascal’s Wager. I, too get upset over these kinds of issues. I once saw a picture of a butterfly with a string attached to it, the other end of which was tied to a large rock. The caption read, “Let Stuff Go.” It’s helpful for me to bring that image to mind when I feel anger about someone’s hurtful actions.

My ex-wife came to me after my parents passed and asked me to sign off on allowing their names to be submitted to the Morman temple so they could be baptised (by proxy) there. I said I didn't think that was a good idea since my parents both considered Joseph Smith the most dreadful lier to ever walk the earth. Sometimes we should leave people's spirits alone.

Well, since, sadly, your father probably was not aware of what was being foisted upon him, I would guess your mother's beliefs gave her comfort in thinking that she really was doing the right thing for her beloved husband? You shouldn't be upset, it was not aimed at you, might I suggest you simply regard it as the action of a - I guess - a desperately worried and genuinely fearful lady who thought she was, according to her beliefs, saving her husband from eternal damnation. Atheists of course, reject the whole concept of heaven/hell, but that is OUR choice which we hope others will respect as we respect their right to their beliefs (provided the don't try to force them on us!)

I don't think that you shouldn't allow this to interfere with your current relationship and block the special bond that she could have with her grandson. It is a difficult situation, and while she may have done it for selfish reasons, you may never know. Your father may have had a 'special calling' in his last moments that led him to seek this, or wanted to find peace with his wife. My personal advice, if you do decide to seek out a relationship with her again, set boundaries. If you want your son raised in a scientific house, make it clear. If she has free time with him, be sure she does not abuse her power in an attempt to convert. I may be making a mountain out of a molehill, but you know how you want your children raised.

I think you are correct: this was about her, not about what he needed. My cousin did some crazy stuff like this with my mom and I was very angry about it. I think you are completely justified in feeling this way. I'm a x-catholic priest, and can say with certainty, this so-called baptism has zero to do with anything. It took me years and almost a doctorate to figure this religion thing out. I now say it is important to be a loving caring compassionate person in this beautiful world. The projection of the that onto god or Jesus or the trinity, etc. is projection. Be the good in the world and with your family and friends. Just my humble opinion.

She dishonored him.

It sounds like you have the right to look out for his best interests, in his time of inability to understand what's going on around him. To me, baptizing means nothing, so I don't see any harm in what happened. Still, I would have let her know what I thought and probably would have told her to get lost.

What happened with my Mother as she was getting older was her pracher pretty much conned her out of most of her and my Father's money. That wasn't a lot, mind you, but it was almost all they had. The older she got, the more she worried about what was going to happen in the afterlife, and the more she thought she needed to buy her way into heaven.

I also thought this preacher guy was pretty much a Nazi, but I digress...sigh...

She did it for herself no doubt-There is no right and wrong. Life is short. Its up to you

I think you have a right to be angry because all our emotions are valid. It is good that you can see that it was for her peace of mind, but also be aware that her lack of peace was probably, due to fear that she would never see him again, or that because she loved him the thought of him suffering after death brought her pain.
Because the whole religion thing is a delusion anyway, the ritual she went through really didnt change anything, and as I am sure others have said to you - let it go for your own and your childrens emotional welfare. As I said before your emotions are valid, it is what you do with them that is important.

This story touched me. I'm 74 and have copd and can tell as time goes by, that I get weaker. So I gave this some thought. I'm atheist and so is my romantic life love, and in all these years, she has been my pocket of rocks, (kept me anchored), always supportive, loving, always "there" for me. So..
I ask myself, what if, there was something she wanted of me, something that would make things easier for her, something that I might think was totally ridiculous, or even be totally against. I would want her to know that if it would bring her even one day of relief, she would have my full support, as she always was supportive of me. Of course that would exclude cutting off my penis, stuffing it in my mouth, and putting me on display, but short of that.

My sister did the same thing with my father. He was as atheist as it comes, and it was no secret. She talked about how a smile came across his face as he was baptised. I think it was a grimace because he didn't have the strength to punch the guy in the face.

What she did made no difference to your dad and his fate. But in a way, yes, you are wrong to be upset about this because that increases your negativity. Let it go and you will be calmer and happier. She was wrong to take advantage of your father's inability to defend himself, but that is on her, not you. No reason to feel happy about her actions, but you might feel pity for her instead of anger.