"upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him"
Hence HE (Your Dad, the man you knew)
Had nothing to do with any of that
It was not his issue
It WAS her fear
WHY burden your life with baggage your dad had no awareness of (he was not of sound mind) because she expressed her humanity by caving in to her FEAR both of losing your Dad
AND the horrid religious baggage painted onto her by religion itself?

Let it go, I think your Dad would.

Is part of the anger at yourself for not preventing it? Forgive yourself and her for her selfish act (she's only afraid that he won't be there to greet her when her time comes). Don't let someone else's act continue to punish you by holding on to the anger.

Assuming your dad still loved his wife, would he not want her to have peace of mind? Especially if he personally thought it was a bunch of meaningless crap anyway?

yes no harm done, except for your relationship with his wife.

It may be her long-term peace of mind mattered more than hi at that time, and had he been aware what was going on, might have agreed.

I would be upset because of the presumption. She knew your Dad was an atheist so she waited until he couldn't object. It is similar to the Morman practice of having baptism ceremonies for a family's dead because of the "belief" that only Mormans go to heaven. I can't say if you were too hard or not with her because I don't know the whole story.

Be upset but let it go. Don't linger over other people's belifes. As long as she is happy let her be and realize that's all it was. There is no god for anything to happen to his soul. He is already into his next life and I'm sure he would have wanted her to be happy after he left his old life.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I would be very upset as it is very disrespectful and selfish of her to go against his beliefs. Even if she is right (se's not) how would baptising an Atheist save his soul? Does God accept people who have been baptised but do not believe in him?

I lost my own Father to cancer at Christmas. As he and his wife were Christians I had no problem with their mad ramblings and retuals. I didn't join in but I was present.

So, if I understand correctly, your Dad's Wife, on his deathbed, disrespected his views and wishes. That's pretty low. You have every right to be upset.

Much like the Mormon's posthumously baptizing Anne Frank; very disrespectful.
[telegraph.co.uk]

Although, if you've ever had any type of relationship with this woman, you may want to try to get past this. She is obviously in pain and might need some support - that doesn't mean you have to support what she did, but support her as a human being who has lost someone.
As others have said, being splashed with some water doesn't really matter much.

My grandfather did the same thing for my grandmother

Are you wrong to be upset? No. If it bothers you that's your business, but I think being upset about it serves no purpose. It's a harmless ritual. If she had refused medical treatment because "God will save him" or some such nonsense, then you'd have good cause to be upset. As it is, from here it seems you're only hurting yourself by holding on to this anger.

Wrong and very selfish she has gone beyond herror husbands wishes and if evil exists then that is evil

If it made her feel better, then it caused no harm. I was brought up Mormon and did baptisms for the dead. At the time it felt right until I started thinking.

Let it go. it was for her benefit, not his. I believe it happens quite often and has no real meaning for people like us. You know it would have meant nothing to him so don't let it be important to you.

My uncle had this happen to him recently but it was on the other foot, his uncle was Baptist, but his wife had him cremated and they didn’t have a service. I told him it’s all about the memory your memory of him not what happens after death.

I would be angry on his behalf. As an atheist myself, I would never want that done to me.

According to the Bible, it is his Faith
That save him

No she should respect your dad's wishes

She was wrong and have seen in some point there marraige. You did the right thing and don't feel guilty about it.

I could envision my Mom doing this if she had the chance! She was brought up Brethren, an anabaptist Christian faith. My Dad’s family was Methodist, and because we moved around a lot and it was much easier to find Methodist churches, she pretty much joined that faith. But it was too late! My sister and I were already grown and non believers. I the anabaptist faith, babies are not baptized. You concecrate yourself to the faith when you are old enough to make the decision to accept god (Amish and Mennonites are the same). One of her biggest regrets is that my sister and I were never baptized, because in her mind, whether we believe or not, if we had had water sprinkled on our heads and some mumbo-jumbo spoke over us, we would at least stand a chance of getting to heaven. I generally try to refrain from laughing. But I could truly see her, if I was in a coma or unable to defend myself, sneaking a preacher in and doing a Christian Intervention! ? It won’t make a damn bit of difference to me, but I am sure it would make her feel better, so I would never ban her from my room!

I doubt that the useless ceremony harmed your father or shortened his life.

I understand. That would be a bit invasive of his belief and mindset. However, he didn't believe any of that, so probably didn't effect him too much. I bet he just rolled his eyes. Also, if my stepmom wanted to do that to my father, I'd be hard pressed to say anything or fault her. After all, she is his wife...I don't have to live with him or go on as his widow. I guess I'd have to side with the words of he old priest Bill Maher interviewed in Religilous, "you just have to let people live and die with their stupid beliefs."
Sorry about your father. Best wishes. I'm sure a lovely child and grandchildren are a greater reward than eternal life. I'd take it.

I think for you it's important to be forgiving of his wife as her intentions were good in that she didn't want him to go hell. In other words, she didn't want him to suffer, and that's a good thing. And, you're right, her actions were to quell her own fears and provide peace of mind. You're not wrong as I feel you were wanting your father's integrity to not be interfered with, and that's why you felt her imposition of her actions and point of view was invasive to your family. For what it's worth, 'God/Creator/etc., welcomes us all regardless of the beliefs we hold. I understand that our lives are measured by what we feel in our hearts so life continues (reincarnation) and we evolve to higher states of wisdom and consciousness. Hell is just a state of mind, no more than that