My dads entire life he was an Atheist. He battled cancer for several years and upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him baptized and had a minister save his soul.
This angers me bc I know it was more for HER peace of mind. She is no longer a part of mine or my sons lives. Am I wrong to be upset about this or should I be happy in case she was right and we were wrong all along?
I think you have every right to be upset. I would be upset. But the thing is, since there is no God, it didn't really do anything. Nothing really changed because she did it. So the only thing that's affected if you decide to be upset is you.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being upset, but I would let go of it for your own peace of mind.
I don't think it's about right or wrong. It's about the woman's desperation when someone she loved was dying. It's not something I'd ever do (I'd still be an atheist in a foxhole) but I've had similar experiences and just think "If it gives them comfort, so be it". Your dad wouldn't mind - he knew the truth just like we do.
Unless Richard Dawkins is actually the God then there will be nobody in the mythical afterlife to tease your Dad about it and no harm done by this pointless baptism. There is no non-god deity to take offence of any religious belief.
I imagine his wife was doing what she believed was best for her husband. Don't waste your lives hating her for something, after some thinking, amounts to nothing.
Nope, nope, nope screw her. Damn people just push shit in on a dying human being. And to make that
your last memory of your dad, knowing he was an Athiest. Sorry but I would forever cut her out my family. An have a voodoo priestess bless her on her death bed. Bloody chicken guts an all in her face.
If your dad was not of sound mind, then it did not harm him. And if taking that step made his wife feel better, she has to deal with his loss as well, and her actions gave her a little bit of comfort.
Unfortunately for those who have to rely on the crutch of religion, certain things have to happen to get into heaven, and baptism is usually one of them. Don't be angry, feel pity. If this gave her some measure of happiness and it didn't hurt him, then really no harm has been done. It is sad that 21st century minds rely on first century rituals to function in day to day life.
I had an older brother that was atheist, although he was not out, and when he died my other older brothers had him buried in a catholic cemetery with all the catholic rituals. At the time I was very upset; however, in retrospect I'm sure that he would laugh his ass off knowing that he was an atheist in a catholic cemetery.
Does it really matter? I would say no. It is especially not worth getting upset over. They splashed a little water on him and said some meaningless words. Nobody was hurt by it. If it made my loved one(s) feel better, I might even do it under these circumstances; not in consideration of Pascal's wager, but just to make them feel better. Fortunately, I don't have any whackos in my life that I'm that close to that would ask me to do this on my death bed!
It is not a matter of being right or wrong. When someone is on their death bed and not of sound mind it really doesn't matter if somebody with a certain religious view uses their view to make themselves feel better. Death is a difficult thing to face, so if someone has particular view why stand in the way of it? However, I do make a distinction here. If a person has stated clearly in the Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) or some other legal document that they do not want any religious rites of any kind then I think that the person's legal wishes must be maintained. Those who have certain religious views can practice them, but not on, or around, the person who is dead. It is a matter of respecting the person's last legal wish in death.
Hello, I just joined this site and was reading the replies here. Sunny, in my opinion she was completely wrong and she used his weak condition to force her will upon your father and your family. Pitiful, but I am sure you have heard the saying ....if you could reason with religious people there wouldn’t be any religious people!
Wow I understand your anger and I probably would keep my distance from her too. Her rabid beliefs can't be healthy for your son so that was good judgement, IMO.
I had a similar experience when my brother died...his wife insisted on an open casket even though his body was absolutely ravaged by cancer then to make it even worse, she took pictures of my poor brother in the casket, then sang a religious country song as everyone was coming in and finding their seats. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life and I believe my brother would have been horrified as well.
About a year later she was already nine months pregnant and living with her baby daddy. She refuses to let me see my three nephews and I hate her with every fiber of my being.
I'm sorry you had that experience and I hope some day you (and I) can heal.
If I understand correctly, you don't believe in religion (nor the semantics attached to it?), you believe he just died. Leave well enough alone. But you don't have to like his wife, for the kids sake or your own. I learned to be mindful of my stepmother because it gave me peace of mind. Although I do not have a relationship with her, she had a relationship with my father that I had nothing to do with.
I understand your frustration. Especially because his view on life was not respected. I don't think you need to ask yourself or anyone else what is or isn't correct about your reaction to that situation. Your instinct as your father's daughter and mother to your children is raw and honest. The ending of a life seems like such a huge part of one's existance, but if we just take a step back and remember the person as they lived their life and the impact they made in our own life, it's clear that the end does not define the person at all.
I know it's difficult, but when it comes to other people's actions one cannot and should not be attached to outcome. "Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept but not expect. Whatever comes accept it. Whatever goes accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful." --Sri Swami Satchidenada
I don't think there's anything wrong with being angry. At the same time, if you can find it within yourself to let go of the anger, I think that might bring you some peace. I'm sure she did it to make herself feel better, but she is probably sincere in her belief too. It likely seems disrespectful to you, even if there's no chance baptism has any validity, but I think it can be seen humorously too — like if she had a mall Santa bring him gifts on his deathbed or prayed to SpongeBob SquarePants to protect your father's eternal soul. But since she's no longer part of your life, I think with time you'll be able to forget the anger you feel and focus on the man your father was when his mind was sharp. Good luck to you.
Some thing similar happened in my life also. I was born in Pakistan. The only atheist person I knew was my Father. . Loved his outlook on life and his reasoning for not believing in . So I became an atheist at age 6. Came to America for studies at age 21. Finished studies and married a college sweetheart and decided to stay here. My father stayed in Pakistan. As he grew old and sick , my mother and my siblings pressured the sick man to find and pray so his soul can find heaven. My father died 8 years back.
My children are lucky. Both the parents were atheists. My ex wife’s parents were also atheists. So not pressure on my children. Both are adults. Both are free thinking non believers.
A Buddhist monk and novice were walking by a river when they came upon a young woman in distress. "Please help me" she asked. "My mother is sick and needs a doctor but I cannot get across this river to fetch him". The monk put the lady on his back and fords the river. He returns to the novice and they continue on their journey. After a few hours have passed, the novice talks to the monk and says "I am troubled". "What is troubling you?" the monk asks. "Well we are forbidden all contact with women and yet you carried that young lady across the river". "Yes I did" said the monk "but I put her down. You have been carrying her for the past 3 hours".
Whatever differences you have with your stepmom, you both do have one thing in common. You both loved your dad and presumably he loved her, despite of their different beliefs.
We only get one innings and when your out, your out. The anger that you feel is very justified but it only hurts you. If you could bring yourself to forgive her then it might go some way to show that Christians do not have a monopoly on forgiveness. It may also go some way to help you deal with your loss. I ask you to try, for you and your dads sake if not hers.
It would anger me too as I'm putting myself in his shoes. I’m sure neither your dad or you would dishonor her by not allowing her a religious service. Funerals are for the living, he won’t know the difference but I believe the memory of what he believed and stood for should have been respected as that is the part of him that lives on.